[xRavenx]

I am starting to question things in my relationship. I was in a long-term relationship that resulted in a broken engagement (he broke it off). We had more than 2 years apart, but then got back together a few months ago. Over the span of the 2 years we've been apart, he had been trying hard to make it up to me and said leaving me was "the worst mistake." Eventually, I caved in and saw him, and we kept seeing each other.

I truly love him, but I am starting to realize that my feelings for him have faded to some degree, where I don't think I'm in love with him. However, I would imagine this can be normal, given that we have been apart for a while, and it takes time to rebuild a relationship. We do have a special connection, but I don't know if it's really enough as far as compatibility is concerned. Plus, some of his bad habits make me question if he is the right person for me to live with. I'm afraid that if I break up with him now, I'll regret it. However, I really don't know if I see a future with him. See, what's difficult is that I also struggle with unstable moods and periods where I prefer to be alone no matter who I'm with. Also, I am someone that lives in the moment, and I'm not future-oriented. So maybe it's just me. I'm so torn.

Another reason I fear having that talk is that I never want to see him hurt and cannot really imagine a future without him. I must admit I have some people pleasing traits, but that's only part of the problem. I can't bear to think about having the talk with him. I'm not ready to lose him, but feel I need to start preparing myself for accepting this relationship is not meant to progress. Any signs that I should look out for that would confirm I'm in a dead-end relationship? I don't even know where to begin, but I'd like some input and points to consider.

[healingme4me]

For me the concept of a dead end relationship is one where there isn't any signal that goals are being met. For instance an eternal engagement. Or no attempt to pool resources and make a go at it. It's a relationship that is stuck in neutral. It's one that's without progess. It's one where the actions don't match the words. It's one where one side senses this overwhelming sense of frustration because needs are not being met and the future of meeting those needs is rather bleak. One wakes up years later, typically, to realize things aren't getting any better while typically they feel even worse.

[winter4me]

You've been back together a few months...maybe you don't have to have any 'talk' or make a decision at this time. Relationships go through changes, no one feeling is always certain/sustainable... I would say, relax, enjoy what is good, be honest about your responses/feelings/thoughts in the relationship. Are there specific things that you or he need that the other is not willing to adjust for? (eg: you need time alone...is that OK with him? ...he needs....is that ok with you?)....if negotiation is possible, that is a big Plus.
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[cluelessgal]

A relationship is between 2 people who are equally committed in it. Irrespective of whether you are facing issues or he's facing issues, it doesn't sound like your relationship is in the right place.

I won't say break up, but I would say, don't agree for a long term commitment now.

It would be a good idea to meet a couple's therapist, who would probably be in a better position to see things from a different perspective.

[xRavenx]

Thanks everyone for the helpful advice.

Originally Posted by winter4me

You've been back together a few months...maybe you don't have to have any 'talk' or make a decision at this time. Relationships go through changes, no one feeling is always certain/sustainable... I would say, relax, enjoy what is good, be honest about your responses/feelings/thoughts in the relationship. Are there specific things that you or he need that the other is not willing to adjust for? (eg: you need time alone...is that OK with him? ...he needs....is that ok with you?)....if negotiation is possible, that is a big Plus.
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These are really good things to consider. I feel guilty a lot when I need space, even if he says it's okay, I have this feeling that I'm letting him down. I think some of the Bipolar depression is affecting all aspects of my life at the moment,and I over analyze things. I'm just going to enjoy things and take it easy for now and see where it goes. After all, we've only been back together for a short period of time, so I'm adjusting to the whole idea.