Aggressively opinionated brother not giving me enough room

For a while now I have been well aware that my brother's tendency to be aggressively opinionated about things has caused me to be very inhibited and probably limited the development of my persona. I know that he doesn't have this effect on everyone he deals with, it could be partly because of my history of being bullied around by him during my teen years. But I often find myself feeling shamed by him for for having opinions, tastes or habits that he expresses disapproval of. He always seems to have a long, intellectualized explanation as to why his opinion is not just his opinion, but is just fact. For example, when he doesn't like a show or a movie, it's not just that he doesn't like the show or movie, it's that the show or movie is bad (bad writing, bad character development, cliche, sexist, aimed at middle school kids, etc.). I don't know if I am being oversensitive, but to me it just seems like a personal attack when he goes on these rants. He's essentially saying "only an idiot would like this", well then what does that make me? I know this seems silly, but whenever I come across a new interest (hobby, show, game, etc.) I find myself automatically pondering what he would say about it, and this seems to influence how comfortable I feel picking up these new interests. It is almost like he has become a superego voice in the back of my head.

Has anyone else dealt with someone like this who has had this kind of effect on you? I find myself not wanting to confront him because I feel like he is not intentionally trying to have this effect, but that he does because of our past history and my being naturally sensitive.

If he tries to judge you for your whatever interest, tell him to **** off. It's not his business as to what you do. If he just judges the topic itself without referring to you personally, just ignore that or argue by putting in your own opinion on why you think the thing is actually fine. Ignoring it means, excuse yourself and go do something else when he starts on the rants, or just don't let yourself be affected by it.

I have a brother like that. The only way to keep a conversation with him congenial is to not disagree with him. We had a falling out and he stopped speaking to me. Haven't seen him in years, and I think that's okay.

Your brother has some head issues. It may not be worth your while to debate him on anything. But you must not let his opinions dictate what you take an interest in. Learn to not be defensive around him, and you'll relax more. Like, if he says. "Only an idiot whould watch that TV show that you watch!" - you might respond, "I like to keep informed about what the idiots of the world are watching." or "I suppose that could be true. I guess I'm just not as deep a thinker as you are."

Make no mistake. This is aggression. Your brother is trying to belittle you. Another manner of responding might be along the lines of, "Why do you need to belittle the choices of others? Does that m

My dad is like that. I feel for you. Obviously he is getting older and my mother is very ill. So I am not about to start trying to change him. We just don't engage in these debates. If there is no one to argue with he wouldn't go on for too long. Just tell him you have to make a phone call or go see someone or simply pay no attention. Or tell him it's not his business what you watch. Screw this. You should watch and read whatever you want! Don't let it bother you too much.

He's acting mean.. a lot of people are like that.

Ignore him, or just tell him to **** off. It's none of his business what you like or what you don't like I feel you.

My mother! I have now learned about NPD, and even what you're describing further defines the narcissism. She IS the voice in my head.

Her putting down the things I like didn't make me stop liking them. I'd probably say back to her "I must be an idiot then" I know I am far from an idiot. My husband, who is a genius, loves high schoolish kinds of movies (but we know he's not operating at 100%).

Anyway, I recall in the past you said your brother was so charming around women and you were envious of him. So now you see another side of him that is not so charming. He is being an A hole. An opinion is not a fact no matter how you act like a bully about it.

Your brother is nothing more than a bully ...

My siblings were bullies too and made fun of (and belittled or hostilely criticized) everything I am, did or ever liked.

We have no relationship now at all because of it.

I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this too ...

Mean People Suck! ... Especially those that are related to us!

I guess a big part of the problem is that his criticisms are often valid. For example, when he points out the flaws in shows or movies he doesn't like, those flaws are actually there. I just find myself overlooking them. I start to think maybe my tastes are illogical and influenced by things like nostalgia. Also, he sometimes gives explanations for why things appeal to people and they are disparaging to the people these things appeal to. For example, he will say that for many video games it is about the "male power fantasy".

In a way, it is like he serves as the voice of reason, but I am not always reasonable and I don't want somebody exposing me.

What is particularly annoying is how he will often go on rants about why certain things suck in discussions with me, as if I am someone who agrees with him, when he knows (or should know) by now that I do not. One example is anime. He seems to have some weird vendetta against anime and has explained multiple times everything he thinks is wrong with it. I have never agreed with him or shared his sentiments, yet he talks to me as if we have established that anime sucks. He seems to think he can change everyone's mind by presenting a logical set of arguments. He seems to sometimes get pretty upset when people argue with him and refuse to yield. I usually avoid arguing, but I do not express agreement or tell him he is right. Perhaps he is trying to draw me into an argument so he can further reassure himself that he has persuaded me?

However, I should point out that although he used to be a bully and basically a caricature of a narcissist when he was in his teens, he has become a generally nice guy now, aside from this habit he has. He seems to genuinely care about me and about our relationship. This is part of why I can't just shut him out.

I didn't know I had a sister! That sure sounds like my older brother! I've always thought he did it because it made him feel smart. I don't see him much anymore. He lives far away.

Look. He's certainly opinionated and a bit of a jerk. But there are sooooo many people out there who think their tastes in film and music are like that.

The thing is - they are opinions. We are each entitled to them particularly about what someone decides is good entertainment.

The reasons you said above? Nostalgia and just overlooking the flaws? Those are totally valid things to say to him. I definitely say those things about stuff I like! I'm really good at suspending reality and logic for a story. I can also be very analytical (for example I hate the twilight novels. It's absolutely horrific and I will gladly rant about it. But if someone else likes it, that's cool) but I prefer not to do so for entertainment. I read primarily YA novels, and I was an English major in university and I am now a teacher. Im more than capable of reading very intellectual texts. But I don't because I simply don't want to.

You just need to let your brother know that you're not having a debate about it. If you like something you like it. If you don't you don't. It's ok.

One can be logical and reasonable yet enjoy some light fun. When I am tired I want to watch dumb stuff just because I am too tired. I know certain tv shows might be stupid but I don't feel like reading War and Peace every night. You can tell him that you enjoy some light fun even if it's not a masterpiece. You just want to relax. Nothing wrong with that

Shadix, your brother sounds like a bit of a bore. It may be that he has highly developed sensibilities and would make a fine film critic. But people get to choose whether or not they care to read a particular critic's newspaper column. Your brother is a tyrant, imposing his perspective on you, as if you don't have a right to an opinion of your own. It's nice that you can appreciate his good points, despite how overbearing he is. He's lucky to have you as a brother. How well do his critiques go outside of the family circle? Does he have friends? Do they all think like him?

You would actually be helping him, as well as yourself, if you were to start backing him off a bit, when he makes his pronouncements on what is and isn't admirable. He probably, genuinely does not realize how flat out rude he is. If you think your otherwise decent relationship with him could survive it, consider sitting down with him and gently suggesting to him that he goes too far in holding forth his own opinions as the only valid ones . . . and that it puts people off, you being one of them. You could say you admire how much thought he puts into analyzing things, but that it gets tiresome to listen to after a while.

In your own mind, you need to give him a little less credit. Part of the intimidation you feel is coming from your own insecurity. That instinct he has to be a know-it-all is not going to play well with everyone everywhere he goes. As time goes by, you'll probably see where it gets him into some difficulties. He lacks finesse. He may well be above average smart, but his speaking style reveals a lack of education. How far did he go in school? What you're describing is generally regarded as a form of ignorance.