problem with my sister in law

i've had kinda this on and off problem with my wife's sister flirting with me. she used to say stuff or grab my butt sometimes and i told my wife i don't like it and she don't like it either so they talked about it and her sister really hasn't done anything for awhile. i really don't like anyone touching me except my wife. and i got in a car accident and messed up my leg so i been stuck in the house and can't move around to much so her sister came to visit and help out with the baby and stuff while i'm laid up for awhile. and usually we get along real good but today she kissed me on the lips and put her tongue in my mouth. i said eww why did you do that? and she said she's just messing with me but i didn't like it or think its funny at all. and now i don't know if i'm making a big deal out of nothing like usual and she was just joking or if it is really bad. and i don't know if i should tell my wife with her sister still here or wait until she goes back at the end of the week. and i really don't want to make a big mess out of it and have everyone get mad at each other. what do you guys think?

Hi there, SinCity, and welcome to Psych Central. This is a tricky situation, and I don't blame you for being at wit's end.

Because your wife has already spoken to her sister about this, it would be no surprise if she learned it has continued, right? I'm not sure that you need to fill in your wife about the details of what happened, but I think letting her know that you are uncomfortable with her sister's touchy-feely behavior seems okay. I do want to hear what other's say.

The other thing is -- and bear in mind that I am a female -- is that NO ONE -- absolutely NO ONE touches me if I say stop.

I've had occasion to slap two men on the face in my life (when I was still young and cute), both times because they were unable to hear the word NO, and I had to do something to bring them to their senses. I did not slug them on the jaw, mind you, just a brisk slap. Both times, they said -- If you ever do that again, I will hit back. But they never violated my boundaries again.

I don't think you should hit your sister-in-law; unfortunately, slapping is still a gender-bound activity, for the most part. But I would make my position known in no uncertain terms.

"If you ever touch me inappropriately again, I will tell (your wife's name), and I will insist that you immediately leave our home."

Or, if you are comfortable threatening violence (even if you do not intend to follow through), "If you ever touch me inappropriately again, I will slap you."

If anyone comes back at me with, "I was only kidding around," I just say things like, "It's not funny. Don't do it again. Ever."

Sometimes, my withering look is strong enough to make people and dogs stop in their tracks. I have a strong personality and a strong voice. I know who I am, and I do not put up with this kind of stuff. If other people don't like my boundaries, too bad for them.

does this sister-in-law have a husband? a broad hint that you are going to tell him would snap her head around, i bet.

otherwise, you have the right to tell her that she should never, ever touch you again. that if she does, she will live to regret it.

i have very strong boundaries and it isn't right for anyone to try and get past them. no standing within 18 inches of my person and no touching, without knowing that it is okay with me.

i would keep this incident between you and the SIL and warn her that if it happens again, you will do something about it.

good luck, pat

((((((((((((( Sincity )))))))))))))

So sorry this happened to you hon. I can well imagine how uncomfortable that made you feel.

I think, if I were in your shoes I would not hesitate to tell the wife. And I have a couple of reasons for this.

The first would be this - Since your SIL obviously could care less about your feelings or that of her own sister, she would probably have no qualms about turning the situation around and making you the bad guy. Let you wife know right off the bat so that she is armed with the truth.

Second reason - I would not want to hold back on telling my spouse anything like that for I want to always have open communication and trust with my spouse. Holding it back will cause you needless worry and fear. Bringing it out into the open can give you peace of mind in the long run.

It may not be a pretty sight when you do tell her, but at least you will both be able to work through it and lay your boundaries with SIL. I think your wife has a right to know what her sister is doing, and you have a right to your personal space and to feel comfy in your own home! Shame on her!!!

Hugsss
sabby

Welcome to PC...Not sure I can add to the already well said points to consider...