[kiwinz]

i am the daughter of an alcoholic, i am 30 and have been in a relationship for 3 years with someone who i was friends with prior. my partners sister has just been diagnosed with cancer and my partner may have to be a bone marrow donor. my partners mother died 3 years ago and this has bought all those feelings back to the surface for him

my partner and his sibling take time to look after their sick sister but my partner has started to become hurtful (verbally) and attacks everything i say and says how i have no idea and how he doesn't care what is going on in my life as it isn't important or hard as his sisters and how we cant make any plans as his sister is his priority

not sure what i should do as this verbal abuse is making my anxiety so much worse and making me feel sick inside..

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry life is so stressful for you right now. Stress is one of my main triggers for anxiety. Have you talked him about his behavior. Maybe he doesn't realize what he's doing. I know though that he is in a stressful place right now, too. Maybe you could both for counseling. It might help calm the waters.

[Skeezyks]

Hello kiwinz: You don't mention, in your post, if you & your partner are living together. I presume you are. That, of course, makes this situation much more complicated. If you were not, I would say just back out of this situation & give your partner time to resolve what is going on. But, assuming you live together, that makes it more difficult.

Still, I think the best thing you can do is to simply back off & allow your partner whatever amount of space & time he needs in order to resolve this situation. Your partner is certainly being inconsiderate & perhaps, one might say, even verbally abusive. How he's treating you is inappropriate. But the reality is you can't make him do differently.

Ideally, perhaps, your partner would get some individual therapy for himself & / or participate in some couples counseling with you. However, from what you wrote, I'm thinking there's probably not much likelihood that is going to happen. Assuming that's the case, you simply have to take care of yourself. Perhaps seek some individual therapy for yourself. Perhaps try to find enjoyable things to do with friends to fill your leisure hours during this time.

Hopefully in the not-to-distant future, this will all be resolved & you & your partner can recoup your normal lives together. It is possible though too that this distressing event may prove to be a relationship breaker for the two of you. Hopefully that will not be the case. I don't know if that is something that is in the back of your mind. It may be that you'll need to avail yourself of some individual therapy services in order to sort through your feelings. I wish you well...