[black-roses]

why is it that I always feel guilty for getting rid of nasty people from my life there has to be something conditioning that makes me believe I deserve to be abused... It's very ****ed up that I feel this why...

[Summerhex]

We're conditioned to believe we fail if we kick people out of our lives.

[TishaBuv]

Is it because the abusers made you think you deserved it?

If you are a kind person you might worry you are kicking people out who need help? Maybe you feel you should be stronger and be able to help these people while still protecting yourself? Those are my reasons....plus I'm often confused if the problem lies with the person or with myself. I don't know your reasons but I am familiar with the problem and it sucks. Keep taking care of yourself and ridding yourself of people who no longer serve you in healthy ways. We support you. You are important and your feelings are valid.

[xRavenx]

I can relate with that feeling completely. I feel a level of guilt, even when I cut ties with people who are toxic in my life. Some things to consider that might give you insight: When you were young, did anyone in your life (a parent, caregiver, etc) make you feel that a lot of things were your fault when really they weren't? Can you think of a situation that affected you where you felt responsible for something bad happening that was really out of your control? Was there someone you were attached to who made you feel guilty, and then you became conditioned to feel everything is your fault? Just some things to think more about to gain some insight.

I've learned so far that my mom's behavior towards me conditioned me to blame myself for a lot of things ever since childhood. Having a good therapist who can explore this issue with you further could be very helpful. I'm starting to get answers for things I didn't realize so that I can work on not taking responsibility for everyone else's issues and letting go of toxic relationships without blaming myself. It's going to be a process, but the more you learn about your triggers and how your experiences have affected you, the more you can work on developing self-worth and compassion for yourself.

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I can relate with that feeling completely. I feel a level of guilt, even when I cut ties with people who are toxic in my life. Some things to consider that might give you insight: When you were young, did anyone in your life (a parent, caregiver, etc) make you feel that a lot of things were your fault when really they weren't? Can you think of a situation that affected you where you felt responsible for something bad happening that was really out of your control? Was there someone you were attached to who made you feel guilty, and then you became conditioned to feel everything is your fault? Just some things to think more about to gain some insight.

I've learned so far that my mom's behavior towards me conditioned me to blame myself for a lot of things ever since childhood. Having a good therapist who can explore this issue with you further could be very helpful. I'm starting to get answers for things I didn't realize so that I can work on not taking responsibility for everyone else's issues and letting go of toxic relationships without blaming myself. It's going to be a process, but the more you learn about your triggers and how your experiences have affected you, the more you can work on developing self-worth and compassion for yourself.

Yes, I was blamed for my mother's depression in fact I am still blamed for her anxiety I tell her that anxiety is an emotion she feels not something I feel so how could I be the reason? It's not like I am giving her the emotions so why do I still get blamed?

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by black-roses

Yes, I was blamed for my mother's depression in fact I am still blamed for her anxiety I tell her that anxiety is an emotion she feels not something I feel so how could I be the reason? It's not like I am giving her the emotions so why do I still get blamed?

You were made out to feel that you were the reason for her anxiety and depression. Since we develop patterns of attachment and how to relate to others through our parent(s) from an early age, this can be why you feel conditioned to feel guilty for things that are out of your control. Therapy can be helpful with getting some of the answers to these things to learn about how these issues are affecting us at present. At least, that has been helping me. ((HUGS))

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

You were made out to feel that you were the reason for her anxiety and depression. Since we develop patterns of attachment and how to relate to others through our parent(s) from an early age, this can be why you feel conditioned to feel guilty for things that are out of your control. Therapy can be helpful with getting some of the answers to these things to learn about how these issues are affecting us at present. At least, that has been helping me. ((HUGS))

It's also the reason why I tend to stuff my feelings down and never talked about it. That's why I would have so many emotional meltdowns just because I was afraid of opening up and being viewed as a burden or have to be responsible for them not being able to deal with my problems...