[Jasmina]

It's been over a week since posting, "My Best Friend Lost". I'm having a terrible time coping with this. He went from calling me almost every other day to once a week. Texts have decreased from everyday to maybe every 4. His messages aren't as they use to be. Today was most hurtful. He just texted "Happy Thanksgiving" ending with a fall leaf emoticon. As if I am some sort of an acquaintance and not such a close friend. I know this may seem like nothing. But it broke my heart even more. The person I knew would've called to tell me of his plans and ask me of mine. How can someone cut all emotions off they had for a person in a matter of a couple months? How can your best friend be so cut and dry after more than a year of tenderness? All bc he has a gf. I have confronted him about his absence. Although he says that just because we don't communicate as much doesn't mean I mean less. Well.... I'm sorry. The friendship we had and how we were was the ingredient for its strong foundation. That, I feel, is nonexistent. Actions speak louder than words. Especially when those actions were put into practice for more than a year.
This is so frustrating for me and beyond comprehension. I'm mourning this loss. It is almost unbearable and physically hurts. He doesn't seem to get this. Why? How could someone who was so close change? If he cared so much about me, he'd try all he could to prove to me that he did.
Everyday that passes, I feel like I'm going to explode from this pain. Yes we are friends as we were. Before this new girl, he would've showed me how much our friendship meant. In fact, if someone was to tell me he would treat me this way, I would never believe them - with all my heart. He doesn't seem to understand why I am so deeply hurt. I'm more hurt by the fact that a month or so ago, it would've hurt him to know he had caused me any pain. He would've called me to talk about it. He would've given me what I needed to feel as special as I had before. He wouldn't want to lose me. Now it seems he truly doesn't care whether I'm in his life. He promised he'd never allow his sig other to come between any of his friends - me in particular. Yet how could they even object to me being a part of his life when I am no longer? Is he this clueless or this besotted with her, that his better judgement has become blurred?
I cry everyday. The last I spoke with him, I told him I was tired of staying in the past. I cared too much for our friendship to let this get in the way. I wanted to leave things in a state of resolution - although things are not as I suffer in silence. He is dead to me. It seriously feels as if I've lost my friend through his death.
I just want what we had. But he denies anything has changed - a person who had so much insight about people. He claims I am choosing to see our friendship in this light. I am only reacting to his mistreatment. Is he even mistreating me? Did he forget how close we were. How can I get him back? Do I want him back? Was he even my friend to begin with or did he only need me when he needed me. Now he doesn't need me anymore. I just can't handle this unexpected rejection.
Please help...

[Bill3]

It sounds like his attention to his sig other has taken a good deal of time and emotion away from his relationship with you. I am very sorry for your loss, and for the pain and grief that are hurting you so much.

[divine1966]

I am sorry you are struggling.

I looked at your other posts and it seems that over several years you repeatedly go for very wrong men. Unavailable, still dating others and sleeping with them while seeing you, abusive, still married to others etc I think you deserve way better.

Would you consider therapy to help you figure out attraction to these men? This guy doesn't sound like he thinks of you as best friend. Who knows what's his deal is. He does have a gf. I'd move on.

I am sorry about your mom. Hope she feels better soon

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry you're struggling so much..

You have us, if that can help with the pain.

[FeelingHopeful]

I am soooooo sorry , im going through sonething similar so I can relate , It's the worst pain so my heart hurts for you , I haven't seen my friend , close friend in 3 yrs , he also has a gf , and like you it was out of nowhere and hurts like hell. I miss him terribly. I'm struggling because he's like family , I don't understand what happened .Im no t that great with advice but i wanted you to know I care and I hope things get better for you and am around if you need to talk.

[Jasmina]

Originally Posted by Bill3

It sounds like his attention to his sig other has taken a good deal of time and emotion away from his relationship with you. I am very sorry for your loss, and for the pain and grief that are hurting you so much.

Yes, Bill3. This is what has happened. I don't think he meant for it to go down as it did. I shouldn't be upset bc he's found someone he can be with on a physical level. I think if I was there, we would be together. The distance was always an issue.
Thank you so much for your help.

[Jasmina]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I am sorry you are struggling.

Would you consider therapy to help you figure out attraction to these men? This guy doesn't sound like he thinks of you as best friend. Who knows what's his deal is. He does have a gf. I'd move on.

I am sorry about your mom. Hope she feels better soon

I am currently working with a therapist. He's been my therapist for 10 yrs and knows me well. He has been a fantastic support system. So I'm blessed to have him. I will bring up working on choosing attainable men.
I was having a down moment and needed to reach out asap. So here I am.
So I guess my friend didn't think of me as a best friend. It's crazy how easily people can pretend in order to get what they want.
My mom is doing ok for now. I appreciate your thoughtfulness.

[Jasmina]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I'm sorry you're struggling so much..

You have us, if that can help with the pain.

I have received so much support here. It's comforting to know how much. Once again, thank you.

[Jasmina]

Originally Posted by FeelingHopeful

I am soooooo sorry , im going through sonething similar so I can relate , It's the worst pain so my heart hurts for you , I haven't seen my friend , close friend in 3 yrs , he also has a gf , and like you it was out of nowhere and hurts like hell. I miss him terribly. I'm struggling because he's like family , I don't understand what happened .Im no t that great with advice but i wanted you to know I care and I hope things get better for you and am around if you need to talk.

So you are familiar with the depth of pain. I've never felt quite like this before. I need to erase our texts from mths ago. They are reminders of what I have lost. But he let me go and has also lost.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Jasmina

I am currently working with a therapist. He's been my therapist for 10 yrs and knows me well. He has been a fantastic support system. So I'm blessed to have him. I will bring up working on choosing attainable men.
I was having a down moment and needed to reach out asap. So here I am.
So I guess my friend didn't think of me as a best friend. It's crazy how easily people can pretend in order to get what they want.
My mom is doing ok for now. I appreciate your thoughtfulness.

That's good to hear. My mother is battling cancer as well, I understand how it feels. I am glad to hear that you have a good therapist.

[Jasmina]

Originally Posted by divine1966

That's good to hear. My mother is battling cancer as well, I understand how it feels. I am glad to hear that you have a good therapist.

Thank you

[Baker#88]

I really don`t know if I can ad anything that hasn`t been said but after I got marries almost 30 years ago, all my friends just vanished. They all turned into the fair weather type. I had been trying to locate a friend I lost contact with many years ago through a fellow collage classmate, well he sent me a text and I texted him back, never heard another thing from him. I told him I would like to meet up with him at least one more time before I end up in the ground. If you ask my doctors, you get answers from 6 months to 5 years. So I don`t know what happened over the last 27 years since I saw him but I will just leave him alone, as it appears, he want`s nothing to do with me.

I guess, just wait and see if he will speak to you later on. I wish I had better advice for you but you never really know what is going on in someone's mind. I have no friends that come to see me and I can`t go anywhere, so I have learned to deal with it. It hurts but I really don`t know what to say. Best of luck to you.