What were my options?

shakespeare47 · 11:24 AM

I was in my early teens and working in a grocery store. One day the owner of the store walked up to me and said angrily, "You're supposed to break down those boxes before throwing them away." (so they would take up less room in the dumpster) The way he said it made it appear obvious that he had been told that I had been putting boxes into the dumpster without tearing them down- but I was actually in the habit of tearing them down. I was so upset and shocked at the time (I was pretty shy) that I didn't know what to say.

What were my options afterward? What were the possible ways to deal with what was to me an upsetting situation? (I was accused by my employer of doing something I didn't do). Keep in mind that the owner was a pretty angry, demanding guy, and I was a shy teenager with little credibility.

TishaBuv · Nov 29, 2016 at 09:59 AM

You say "Yes sir. I know. I have been breaking them down."

As for what to say after, just say nothing. Let it go. Not important. Who was the azz who told on you? Did he have it in for you to make up that you were not breaking down the boxes?

Sometimes it's more fun to not get mad but get even. Just the stupid little diversions we do at menial, boring jobs to keep us amused.

MickeyCheeky · Nov 29, 2016 at 10:06 AM

Mh.. can I ask you why are you remembering this? :/

shakespeare47 · 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

You say "Yes sir. I know. I have been breaking them down."

As for what to say after, just say nothing. Let it go. Not important. Who was the azz who told on you? Did he have it in for you to make up that you were not breaking down the boxes?

Sometimes it's more fun to not get mad but get even. Just the stupid little diversions we do at menial, boring jobs to keep us amused.

I feel guilty when I get even. I don't want to live in a world in which people are nasty to each other. I'd rather rise above and act like in the ways that I want others to act.

leejosepho · Nov 29, 2016 at 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

I don't want to live in a world in which people are nasty to each other. I'd rather rise above and act like in the ways that I want others to act.

Same here. Gaining anything at all at the expense of someone else ultimately hurts everyone. In a situation like the one you have mentioned, I agree with simply sticking to the facts: "Yes, the boxes are to be broken down and that is what I do"...and then just keep right on working without being concerned about why the boss had come to you with a reminder applicable to everyone. If the boss then says something like "Well, that is not what I have heard", simply say you will be sure to double-check even the smallest ones the next time you dump boxes. Overall, just agree with everything you possibly can and then confirm your awareness of what is expected without ever explaining or defending yourself unless specifically asked...and while also never pointing fingers or blame toward others unless answering specific questions in front of a judge.

shakespeare47 · Nov 29, 2016 at 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by leejosepho

Same here. Gaining anything at all at the expense of someone else ultimately hurts everyone.

Although, I have to admit, that to some people, doing nothing looks like an invitation for more abuse.

The thinking is, "I can do whatever I want to that guy, and he can't/won't do anything about it".

TishaBuv · Nov 29, 2016 at 11:55 AM

Well, you did ask for options. I just thought I'd point out retaliation on the guy who set you up as one.

I mean, we're talking about silly garbage duty. You could have had a laugh pranking him back with salt in his coffee or something. Not that I ever would have done that, but it's a thought.

shakespeare47 · 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Well, you did ask for options. I just thought I'd point out retaliation on the guy who set you up as one.

1. I'm not the type of person who enjoys retaliating
2. I have no idea who set me up.

If I did know... one possible response would be to confront the guy who set me up.
If I could do it over... I think I'd just suck it up and talk to the owner. Not sure what I'd say. Maybe even, "I don't think I like working in an environment like this." and then give my notice. It's not like I needed the job.

Or I could suck it up and look for an opportunity to talk to him and say something like, "I'm not sure who you're having a problem with, but I do break them down." Then depending on what happened, I could decide what to do next.

TishaBuv · Nov 29, 2016 at 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

1. I'm not the type of person who enjoys retaliating
2. I have no idea who set me up.

If I did know... one possible response would be to confront the guy who set me up.
If I could do it over... I think I'd just suck it up and talk to the owner. Not sure what I'd say. Maybe even, "I don't think I like working in an environment like this." and then give my notice. It's not like I needed the job.

Really? Just because he was a nasty boss who yelled at you over the boxes?

I've had so many experiences of being unjustly singled out and humiliated. It's upsetting, but so hard to avoid.

shakespeare47 · 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I've had so many experiences of being unjustly singled out and humiliated. It's upsetting, but so hard to avoid.

It doesn't make it right to humiliate people.
Do you ever look back and think about what you could have done differently? and/or what you would do if in the same situation again?

There are many situations in which the best response is just to leave and find a better environment.

Bill3 · Nov 29, 2016 at 12:49 PM

Quote:

You say "Yes sir. I know. I have been breaking them down."

I like TishaBuv's response.

Like MickeyCheeky, I wonder why this comes to mind now.

shakespeare47 · 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill3

I like TishaBuv's response.

Like MickeyCheeky, I wonder why this comes to mind now.

I drove for 2 days with my parents and we were reminiscing about a lot of things. It was one of the things that came up in conversation.

TishaBuv · Nov 29, 2016 at 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

It doesn't make it right to humiliate people.
Do you ever look back and think about what you could have done differently? and/or what you would do if in the same situation again?

There are many situations in which the best response is just to leave and find a better environment.

Here was the first example that popped in my head. It happened this last year. I was in a leadership class. The teacher said she was a body language expert and had us all shake hands. When she watched me shake, I didn't insert my hand fully into my partner's, but drew it back and shook more gently. She embarrassed me in front of the whole class saying she could tell by my handshake I had no character!

I was taken aback. But I just blurted out "That's not true. I have character" and I just tried to laugh it off. Others commented to me that was so rude of her and how I obviously have good character.

TishaBuv · Nov 29, 2016 at 02:54 PM

How about this one? In hs, my sister's class were all chattering, including her. The teacher got mad, wadded up a sheet of paper, and stuffed it in her mouth in front of the whole class!

shakespeare47 · Nov 29, 2016 at 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Here was the first example that popped in my head. It happened this last year. I was in a leadership class. The teacher said she was a body language expert and had us all shake hands. When she watched me shake, I didn't insert my hand fully into my partner's, but drew it back and shook more gently. She embarrassed me in front of the whole class saying she could tell by my handshake I had no character!

I was taken aback. But I just blurted out "That's not true. I have character" and I just tried to laugh it off. Others commented to me that was so rude of her and how I obviously have good character.

Do you have a chance to evaluate your professor? Some constructive criticism might be in order.

TishaBuv · Nov 29, 2016 at 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

Do you have a chance to evaluate your professor? Some constructive criticism might be in order.

Not if I value my career. She was in a position to make or break me. So I had to just love everybody there.

"Having good character means that you have such admirable traits as honesty, responsibility and courage. It is beneficial for you to have good character. Being honorable and honest in the work you do and in your relations with others are essential in your life."

Lol, maybe she was right!

Nov 29, 2016 at 03:30 PM

Yes I agree the manager wasn't practicing good staff relations by talking to you like that, even if you had been putting the boxes in whole there would have been much more amenable ways to approach you.

My response would have been to say as Tish suggested, politely let him know you had been breaking them down. Overall in work places I think politeness goes a long way, I think your own politeness may also possibly remind someone like him that they forgot theirs.

shakespeare47 · 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Not if I value my career. She was in a position to make or break me. So I had to just love everybody there.

"Having good character means that you have such admirable traits as honesty, responsibility and courage. It is beneficial for you to have good character. Being honorable and honest in the work you do and in your relations with others are essential in your life."

Lol, maybe she was right!

It wouldn't be much fun to be in a job/school where constructive criticism was a reason to ruin someone's career.

And don't you mean, "pretend to love everyone there"? Although it is possible to love people w/o approving of their actions.

Nov 29, 2016 at 06:34 PM

What did you do after that? Did you continue working with him? For me I would probably quit the job if I didn't do anything wrong.

divine1966 · Nov 30, 2016 at 08:21 AM

I certainly don't quit a job over this. I'd tell a manager that you are aware of the policies and that you do break boxes down. Manager was rather abrasive and spoke rudely but quitting over this is rather extreme.

Over the course of my professional career and list of side jobs I had to keep to supplement my income, I encountered tons of people quitting their jobs over every little thing. I could never afford to simply quit a job and just cannot relate. For a teenager that incident could be a lesson that there will always be nasty bosses and annoying colleagues and stupid rules etc

The trick is to stay true to your own values and standards and don't stoop to their level. In cases of harassment and bullying at work there are always higher level managers and HR one can complain to.

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MickeyCheeky Legendary Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Italy Posts: 11,817 (SuperPoster!) 7 38.4k hugs given	Nov 29, 2016 at 10:06 AM #3 Mh.. can I ask you why are you remembering this? :/
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TishaBuv Legendary Member Since Dec 2014 Location: USA Posts: 10,258 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,879 hugs given	Nov 29, 2016 at 02:54 PM #14 How about this one? In hs, my sister's class were all chattering, including her. The teacher got mad, wadded up a sheet of paper, and stuffed it in her mouth in front of the whole class! __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T
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Anonymous37870 Guest Posts: n/a	Nov 29, 2016 at 06:34 PM #19 What did you do after that? Did you continue working with him? For me I would probably quit the job if I didn't do anything wrong.
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