Frustrated with a friend

This is just a vent/rant.

I have a friend who is a dog rescuer as am I. We live in different cities only about 5 hours apart. I go every few months to visit her.

I've been fostering this dog Fish for about 3 weeks now. He started out being very afraid of everything, including me. Wouldn't even come near me. But now he's excited when I get home and jumps all over me, snuggles me in bed, plays with me, and Astro. I've gotten him to have enough confidence where I can start working with him on some basic obedience.

I've posted updates to Facebook about him all the time, showing what a great and sweet dog he is. And every time she posts something about how he seems like a handful. All my other friends just think he's super sweet and mellow. I posted one video of him playing, and I said in the post that he acts like that for about 5 minutes a day and then sleeps the rest of it. My friend keeps posting an insisting he's a "handful."

I mentioned that we were starting to work on obedience and that he was picking it up really fast. And she said "lol, good luck." To which I responded, "if I can train your dog, I can train Fish." And she responded again "he looks like a handful." (And her dog is actually reactive aggressive. Fish is just timid.)

This is really making me mad for a few reasons. First, this dog has recovered in leaps and bounds since I got him. When I got him he was completely shut down and scared to death of humans. He had no joy. He was barely a dog. Since then he has known love and joy and given both to me in return. He is a great dog. And it makes me mad that anyone would talk badly about this animal that has been to hell and back. I feel like she has no sympathy for him.

Second, it makes me angry that she posts that stuff about him because I am posting that stuff to try and find him a home! Posting negative comments about him will turn away potential adopters. Why would you do that?!

It's just so frustrating to see these negative comments from her. Like, why would you do/say that about an abused/neglected dog? If I said anything like that about her two "handful" aggressive dogs (both rescues and mistreated in the past) she would have a fit.

Okay, end rant.

Seesaw

((((( hugs ))))))

I'm glad you are giving him happiness and he is knowing love and kindness. You're wonderful for taking fur babies that need love.

Maybe this woman needs some obedience training.

This may be way off, but is it possible that your friend wants to see you fail, or at least not be as successful as her regarding rescuing dogs? Perhaps she is competitive and is sabotaging you, even if she isn't aware of what she's doing. Just a thought.

I think the - "lol, good luck" - comes across as being incredibly snide and doubting your capabilities to do so. Whatever her motivation, who knows. I'd feel a little irritated. She's not supporting. If I had a friend doing that I'd give words of encouragement like amazing that you're doing this, you can do it. Go for it. Etc.

That's exactly it! Everyone else is posting encouraging statements and sharing his story to help find him a home.

I think that could be it. All the dogs she has found and 'rescued,' she has saddled on friends who actually can't even afford to take care of a dog. Of the two I know of over the past 2 years, she gave them both to neighbors who can barely afford dog food, can't afford heartworm preventative, or to get the dogs spayed or neutered. She is continually having to check up on those dogs and pay for them to get food or shots herself. The 3rd dog she found a home for is a dog she adopted herself from a rescue, that she's not actually allowed to have because her HOA only allows 1 dog.

I have found homes for 3 dogs now in the past 6 weeks, all to good responsible pet homes. And now I'm on my 4th. And that's not counting the 2 puppies that I rescued and found the owners. So maybe she is jealous.

I do some animal rescue and many people I have met through that seem to be pretty judgemental. It seems to be a contest to show that they way they do things is superior.

One neighbor friend gets like this. For example, some other neighbors on our street adopted a rescue dog recently and right away she was going on about how she thought they wouldn't take care of him well. In fact, from what I have seen so far, their dog is better cared for than her dogs. They are always out playing with him, and I ran into a vet we know that does house calls leaving their house a few days after he arrived. He was giving him a check-up and vaccines.

Another person I know in the dog rescue world has also done what you mention in your last post. She doesn't have the resources to be fully responsible for the dogs she rescues. So, I have seen where others have had to pick up the slack. She's also used some clinics to board the dogs and then has walked out on the bill.

It is annoying, I agree. The best you can to is try to not pay attention to her. You clearly have the best interests of the dog at heart. I hope he continues to progress and finds a forever home soon.

seesaw...its so cool that you are loving doing this stuff with the dogs.
If this were a situation with me...instead of Facebook...I would pick up the phone and talk to her and tell her exactly what you said here ...that her negative comments are counterproductive to all the work you are doing and you feel it is giving the dog less chance to find a good home because potential new owners will be Leary after seeing her negative comments...Confront her!

I'd delete her comments on your post. Then if she said anything about why you deleted, I'd explain that her comments hurt your efforts. Or, I might embarrass her back by responding to her post with "He's a great dog, it is you who are a handful". Maybe add a passive/aggressive "lol".

She doesn't sound like a friend to me. I would gradually separate from her.

You can delete her comments or even unfollow her. I don't give people opinion on their pets. It's like giving opinion on their kids! My ex's adult daughter used to make comments about our cat. She was a b.... to begin with and her unkind comments about our cat just proved that.

Be done with this biatch

Hmmm, could she be wanting attention; a redirection towards herself?

It sounds to me as though this woman is an acquaintance and not a friend. Are you required to include her or be 'friends' on Facebook? This may come down to your confronting her about her hijacking your facebook feed. You may have to tell her that if she can't be more positive, she won't be included at all.

If she were a friend, I would think she would be sharing in your joy and celebrating your accomplishment.

Hi everyone! Thanks for all your comments. This woman is actually a close friend of mine. But she does have her issues, and I accept her the way she is. She is 75 years old and been through a lot in her life, and I don't expect her to change. I take the good with the bad of her. She has an enormously huge heart and is very friendly. I just don't know why she's been directing this negativity towards me and the fosters lately.

I've noticed some changes in her attitude towards me since I moved away and have gotten busier and busier with my job. I think perhaps she is feeling neglected; I don't know. I think what one of you said is true, I think she is wanting attention. I just think about my last visit there and how her company has gone downhill since I left (like literally, she's been opening her home to drunks and addicts--again, too big a heart and not understanding the consequences). I felt like myself and another neighbor provided a sort of buffer for her from the sleazeballs in the neighborhood.

I think you all are right who said just to delete those comments from Facebook. She won't even know I've done it, anyhow. She is not super computer savvy and pretty much only reads Facebook on her phone. I doubt she would even notice.

I don't want to confront her personally because she is extremely sensitive and also somewhat emotionally immature, and she just shuts down when she gets confronted.

Thanks all again for your perspective.

Seesaw

I agree with just deleting the posts you don't like and leave it at that.