[randomgirl0713]

Hi. This is my first time using a forum. I cant share my problems with my friends because everything is in chaos at the moment... and i need advice.

We celebrated our first year anniversary just two weeks ago, and two days later I found out he slept with two different women last year (both are one night stand). We weren't official then (because I wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend at the time), but we were already saying I love yous and all that. In short, the commitment was clear with both of us. I wanted to break things off but he doesn't want to, he wants to fix the relationship and insisted that he's changed now. He stopped all his "stupid immature crap"

Funny thing is I knew there was something wrong. There's no evidence but something was telling me that something's not cool. He did it twice and he tried so hard to hide it. I also came to discover that he flirted and has had flings with other women, and someone caught him holding hands with a woman he drank with. All that happened last year. and by the way, I also discovered he masturbated with pictures of those two women he's had sex with.

And now he stopped all that because he says he's changed and wants to change. I can see that, but I really get pissed off when I remember everything and how much effort he's put through with all the lies. Like i wish he spent all that energy trying not to be a douchebag last year and be loyal instead.

I don't know what to do. My sadness is masquerading as anger. I like the guy, but everytime i remember all the things he did last year, I get really pissed off. I dont have the answers yet. I want to stick around to see if he's really changed, you know. He seems really willing to fix the relationship. But oh my god. Is it normal these days to be cheated on?? Im so confused right now because when Im with him, he's so nice but the things I discovered. I dont know if this is normal with most guys? I dont know if i should break it off or give him a chance. Maybe this is my karma for hurting someone so bad in the past.....

Well my own opinion is "Why is he still your boyfriend?" Of course I am jaded in this respect but honestly. Where one time might be said to be an accident, twice is not. What, did he slip and fall in?

[NewCommer]

Only you can know what you did before. Still, the matter is that you're hurting with what happened.

As you keep telling yourself and us, it happened last year, AND this year is about to end. What's stopping you for forgiveness?

If you can see that he's making an effort, what can be stopping you now? I know it's a tough situation, but only you can decide if you really want to forgive him or get done with it.

By the way, no, it's not "normal to be cheated on". It can happen to anyone, but it shouldn't happen.

Happy hollydays, cheers!

[MickeyCheeky]

I'd dump him right away, but that's your choice. I'm sorry you're hurting

[xRavenx]

Sorry you are going through this. (((hugs)))

If something is giving you a bad feeling, trust your gut. He betrayed you and broke your trust, and you certainly have the right to still feel the way you do. You definitely deserve better treatment. He cheated more than once, and even though he is saying he's going to change, actions speak much louder than words. He has not proven through his actions that he is ready to change.

Also, don't beat yourself up anymore for something you have done in the past. You don't need to punish yourself. We all learn lessons, but with this guy, he's displaying a very troubling pattern of behavior, and it goes beyond being an isolated incident. Respect yourself and know when to walk away, although it is ultimately your choice. He's proven to be someone different than what you want him to be. I really wish you luck. I understand it must be very hard, and you are going through a lot of mixed emotions, but it's a process to come to terms with this.

[~Christina]

I could not stay with someone that cheated, my first husband cheated and wound up married to her, so I also have a very strong hateful feelings toward cheating.

I don't know that this will matter but... How old are you both ?

I'm sorry your hurting, it's horrible to go through this kind of pain.

Hi well its not "normal" to be cheated on because thats wrong. Not all guys are like that but unfortunately there are quite a few who are (Not talking about anyone on PC) But its up to you if you want to dump him or not.

[divine1966]

He clearly didn't stop and didnt change, he is just getting better in hiding it.

And no it's not normal.

[Ukny96]

Unless you can totally forgive him and wipe the slate clean, it seems to me that this is a relationship that you need to get away from. I realize that it's easier said than done. I wish you the best.

[randomgirl0713]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I could not stay with someone that cheated, my first husband cheated and wound up married to her, so I also have a very strong hateful feelings toward cheating.

I don't know that this will matter but... How old are you both ?

I'm sorry your hurting, it's horrible to go through this kind of pain.

Hi, thanks for your response. We're both 21.

[randomgirl0713]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

Sorry you are going through this. (((hugs)))

If something is giving you a bad feeling, trust your gut. He betrayed you and broke your trust, and you certainly have the right to still feel the way you do. You definitely deserve better treatment. He cheated more than once, and even though he is saying he's going to change, actions speak much louder than words. He has not proven through his actions that he is ready to change.

Also, don't beat yourself up anymore for something you have done in the past. You don't need to punish yourself. We all learn lessons, but with this guy, he's displaying a very troubling pattern of behavior, and it goes beyond being an isolated incident. Respect yourself and know when to walk away, although it is ultimately your choice. He's proven to be someone different than what you want him to be. I really wish you luck. I understand it must be very hard, and you are going through a lot of mixed emotions, but it's a process to come to terms with this.

Hi. Thanks for your warm response. You're right.

I'm gradually distancing myself from him. I'm returning the things he gave me, little by little. I barely reply to his messages anymore. I'm physically there, but mentally and emotionally I'm not. I used to say to myself that once someone cheated on me I'm going to dump that person immediately. But he's making it so hard by showing me that he wants to fix the relationship. I just don't know if he's doing that to manipulate me. I dont know what he wants by being in a committed relationship with me if he still wants to explore. Maybe he's just enjoying the company. He did awful things and, I know it's wrong, but something inside me wants to get back at him for all the hurt that he's caused me. But I should just let it be

[randomgirl0713]

Originally Posted by NewCommer

Only you can know what you did before. Still, the matter is that you're hurting with what happened.

As you keep telling yourself and us, it happened last year, AND this year is about to end. What's stopping you for forgiveness?

If you can see that he's making an effort, what can be stopping you now? I know it's a tough situation, but only you can decide if you really want to forgive him or get done with it.

By the way, no, it's not "normal to be cheated on". It can happen to anyone, but it shouldn't happen.

Happy hollydays, cheers!

hi! Thank you! I guess Im scared of being manipulated again. Before forgiving him I want to make sure if he's genuine, but I can't tell if he's genuine with his "changes".

Ill just go with the flow of life for now... i don't want to make any decisions yet that i might regret. I broke up with him but we're still talking. And im gradually distancing myself

Merry christmas by the way!

[Steiner of Thule]

Time to bail.

[divine1966]

Keep in mind that if he sleeps around he is likely to bring you STD so you should never ever have unprotected sex with him. You can never ever trust him. I don't know if this man worth compare to contracting herpes or even worse HIV. And if you want long terms relationship with someone you can never have unprotected sex. If you already had unprotected sex make sure you see your doctor asap

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by randomgirl0713

Hi, thanks for your response. We're both 21.

Thanks !

At your age ( or anyone's age ) I would end this and move on. You deserve a man that doesn't cheat.

And I do agree with divine, he could easily catch std(s) and share them with you . N

Please value yourself. Yes being alone sucks but better to be alone now instead of into a long disrespected situation,

I wish you the best

[Shazerac]

It's a horrible experience to be cheated on. I'm sorry you this happened to you. My take on this is if he is cheating on you this early in the relationship it's not going to get better. He is immature or just maybe a jerk, who knows. The truth of the matter is that you deserve better?

[Adelyn]

He will do it again.

If you stay with him, remember: Trust yourself, your own instincts. Do not ever trust his words over your instincts.

Many times people read subtle social cues subconsciously. You may "sense" something is going on, but not know for certain. You need to trust yourself.