[Ess12]

Here is my issue. I am recently divorced after 18 years. Wife asked for Divorce.I have two boys 9 & 13 that I love to death and would do anything for.
At the time if Divorce I was making a lot of money. Now I make a good living but with alimony and child support I am barely scraping by.

I am living with family, two hours from kids, because my ex can't afford a place on her own without additional help from me on top of the alimony and support. I don't want to put my kids through any more hardship. If I don't help her she will have to move. And the kids would again be thrown into the middle of our issues.

She is studying to become a teacher however will not have enough income to cover expenses for atkeadt 9 months.

So the question is do I continue to help her and see the kids when I can or stop covering for her and get a place close by then let her deal with whatever happens?

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by Ess12

... Wife asked for Divorce...

...do I continue to help her...or...get a place close by...?

I would suggest option #2 so you can be there as much as possible for your children.

[Trippin2.0]

I vote for option 2, she filed for divorce, so presumably she knew she'd have additional expenses, and should've planned for them. Instead of expecting you to cover her shortfall.
So let her be a grown up and deal with her decision, and in the same breath enjoy the right to watching your kids grow up.

[gayleggg]

I agree with the others. Being close to your children takes top priority.

[MickeyCheeky]

Being close with your children is probably the best solution

[healingme4me]

My question is how will it affect the kids school district?

Never mind my other question, are these amounts court ordered?

I've lived on fumes, as have my kids after my ex lost his job and child support ceased...

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I vote for option 2, she filed for divorce, so presumably she knew she'd have additional expenses, and should've planned for them. Instead of expecting you to cover her shortfall.
So let her be a grown up and deal with her decision, and in the same breath enjoy the right to watching your kids grow up.

That is presumptuous, is it not?

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

That is presumptuous, is it not?

Nope, not at all.

See:

Originally Posted by Ess12

...additional help from me on top of the alimony and support...

If Ess12 quits being so generous with additional help, there'll actually be time to spend with the kids, and why pay "additional" anything?... Additional reads "extra" in addition to what was agreed / court ordered.
Unless I dont understand how the word is being used....

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Nope, not at all.

See:

If Ess12 quits being so generous with additional help, there'll actually be time to spend with the kids, and why pay "additional" anything?... Additional reads "extra" in addition to what was agreed / court ordered.
Unless I dont understand how the word is being used....

Depends. I didn't receive alimony. Had received child support for six years which stopped. Anything I personally received in addition was additional for back to school shopping. Half on camps and various activities, etc.

[Ess12]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

My question is how will it affect the kids school district?

Never mind my other question, are these amounts court ordered?

I've lived on fumes, as have my kids after my ex lost his job and child support ceased...

No effect on the kids school district. The additional is over and above court ordered. I am concerned that my boys will look at it like I left there mom without any money and forced them to move, even though I would continue with the court orders.

[Ess12]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I vote for option 2, she filed for divorce, so presumably she knew she'd have additional expenses, and should've planned for them. Instead of expecting you to cover her shortfall.
So let her be a grown up and deal with her decision, and in the same breath enjoy the right to watching your kids grow up.

ESS12: You would think right. Instead she uses guilt and the kids to solidify more income for her/their needs.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Ess12

No effect on the kids school district. The additional is over and above court ordered. I am concerned that my boys will look at it like I left there mom without any money and forced them to move, even though I would continue with the court orders.

Teen boys and near teen boys, I've three, do cost more. Sometimes, if my sons have had needs beyond and in addition or 'wants' they deal with their father directly. I'm one to show receipts. I let slide things like reimburse copays, etc. Food bills are a "joy".

Will you have a schedule conducive to seeing them more if you are closer? My ex is about 1 mile away. Doesn't seem to make much difference.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

My question is how will it affect the kids school district?

Never mind my other question, are these amounts court ordered?

I've lived on fumes, as have my kids after my ex lost his job and child support ceased...

I don't understand how child support could just stop, he still needs to pay even off unemployment. Have you taken him back to court? That's ridiculous, 3 kids and support just stops??

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Ess12

ESS12: You would think right. Instead she uses guilt and the kids to solidify more income for her/their needs.

Does she work? I think it's ok to help exes in time of need but I think it might be better to ask for more custody. And spend more on kids like clothes etc giving her money directly is iffy.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I don't understand how child support could just stop, he still needs to pay even off unemployment. Have you taken him back to court? That's ridiculous, 3 kids and support just stops??

Oh it stopped. Unemployment ended in August. Don't worry. I'm working with someone in the DOR, but the form is awkward because to take back to court it is with checking off for reduction in amount? So it's a long process and takes months to get to court.

I have heard the rhetoric so much about how women who receive these court established amounts are raking in the money.

Even my ex would disagree about purposefully and willfully cutting off what benefits the kids.

He, I and DOR are at least in communication.

[Ess12]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Does she work? I think it's ok to help exes in time of need but I think it might be better to ask for more custody. And spend more on kids like clothes etc giving her money directly is iffy.

She is doing a "internship" for 9 months till she can become a full time teacher. She stayed at home with kids for 17 years of Marriage. Asking for more custody right now is highly doubtful, currently I have kids 38% of the time.