[imarae]

My daughters father and I have not been together for quite some time occasionally we would still have sex when he would come over to see his daughter. His former girlfriend and I recently were going back and forth with each other and she sent me a picture of him in her bed and I decided to stoop to her level and send her a pic of him in my bed. My pic won ! It really upset her to the point where she stated she needed to see that because it finally opened her eyes to see that ( frank) my daughter father is a dog. All along she didn't believe him and I were still having sex. But the pic is worth a thousand words. Now she threw him out and says she is done with him . My daughter father finally decided to say the truth and of course say he was living with her but having sex with both of us at the same time. I'm beyond disgusted with my own self. I know he loves her and wants to be with her even tho she hates him right now and states she is changing her locks and wants his clothes out. I want to get past this quickly. I'm so over the ********. Him and I are no longer having sex. But my heart hurts that he would continue to play me out like this for 2 years. What can I do to slowly move forward from this. ? In the event she does take him back and they decide to be together should I allow my daughter to meet her and go over to her place e if that's where he wants to live and be at ? Someone please help

[imarae]

can someone give any advice?

[Shazerac]

I'm not really sure what to tell you. Do you have any kind of formal custody agreement with this man? It might not be your decision to make if he takes her to the other girlfriends house. Sounds like you are in a difficult situation. Continuing having a sexual relationship with this man doesn't sound like a good idea, but you may have to work with him for the sake of the child.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Personally..If I were in your situation. I wouldn't want my daughter alone with this man. Not because of worrying he might hurt her..but rather do you trust his judgement in who he might bring your daughter around to meet?... As far as his girl on the side...even if they do get back together..is she the kind of person you want your daughter around?? I mean she sent you a pic of her and your baby's daddy in bed! Yes I know you sent one back...but it doesn't sound like she had good intentions! I mean if she was worried he was cheating on her with you...then why wouldn't she just ask you?...sending that pic..seems to me that whether or not she was aware that you and him were still "together in some way or another and she wanted to rub your nose in the fact that he was with her now. That's the trashy equivalent to territorial marking. You trumped her and she kicks him out?...the pic you sent back could have been from any time..sounds like this girl just wants DRAMA!
Idk your age, not that it matters, but this is similar to a situation I was in when I was in my early twenties...it was an awful situation and ended very very badly. My advice to you...protect yourself and your daughter. Cut ties with him as much as possible. Go to court get request full custody if you don't already have it (some states children born out of wedlock are considered full custody of the mother..but everywhere laws,are different.) Research the laws. Ask for an advocate. File for child support thru the DOR and talk to an advocate about options regarding custody/visitation rights. If you don't trust him then you can't trust the people or situations he might bring your daughter in to...ask for supervised visits..either at a trusted 3rd party's home, someone who you are both comfortable with and is willing to take on the responsibility. If there is no one or the two of you can't come to an agreement..then either a community center or other child oriented public place that he is to remain at for the duration of visits..or all else fails there's always court appointed visitation centers..tho I would try to avoid them if possible...If he breaks the rules or lies or your daughter starts telling you that he is bring her to others houses or anything not in the agreement. Document everything! Late pick ups drop offs no calls last minute changes no shows and anything that just seems off.

I know I sound overly harsh...but, going forward what kind of role models do you want for your daughter? And who, besides yourself, do you trust to act in this capacity?
Be Safe Be Well and Keep Writing!
P.s. if you want to talk more in depth about any of this please feel free to pm me. I'll be willing to share more details of my experiences as well.

[xenko]

I agree with Lost ^, the woman was rubbing your nose into the fact that she was sleeping with him (while she believed she was the only one). Not a nice person.

Wonder why you titled this thread the way you did. Why do you think you need to forgive them? Keep visits with your daughter limited and give him a pillow and blanket for the couch if he needs to sleep over.

[toolman65]

the number one priority must be the health and safety of your daughter.

she needs a good role model, so start there.

[divine1966]

Go for visutation and custody arrangrments determined by a judge. I don't think you can arbitrarily decide when and how her father is allowed to see her. Denying visitations is a bad idea but if you are unsure then go through court system