[Blue_waves]

Ok so let me start by saying my bf and I have what I thought what was a great relationship and pretty good sex life considering I'm pregnant. If anything I have had a higher and more adventurous sex drive than him. We have a planned for baby on the way and are getting married in March. Now I have always been aware he has some personal issues he used to have a gambling problem from which he turned his life around and has just bought us a beautiful home after years of hard work. I know he used escorts a few times in the past after a bad relationship breakup and he didn't want to sleep with women knowing he wanted nothing more. He is very honest in fact sometimes too honest. He has a bad relationship with family and his dad walked out when he was a baby. He used to be somewhat cold in terms of affection but over the years he has opened up and warmed up a lot more and we are happy. Recently his gran died and the **** hit the fan. It hit him bad more so than how a parent dying usually would and she was his rock.

Anyway long story short he went out before comas with some friends and got really very drunk and ignored all my calls. When he got home he was in horrible form. I checked his phone as something was not adding up and he had text and rang a prostitute asking her to meet him as he "wanted to **** her." I was distraught and cried for about two weeks.

The next day when he was sober he broke down and couldn't believe what he did. He not very often but it has been a pattern drinks to the point of severe black outs. He said he is so depressed and lost without his nan and takes responsibility for what he done. He said he has no recollection of texting her and it feels like someone else although he knows it was him from the phone. He said he has never wanted anyone else and has no explanation for why he did it. He has vowed to do whatever he can to led things. Went to the doc and explained he has always felt a bit depressed but his nan dying was unbearable. He's on antidepressants and is paying expensively for an addiction therapist. He is off all drink as he is aware he cannot control how much he drinks or what he does.

He has made every effort to do what he can. I am heart broken. It I want to get past this. He has helped me emotionally and financially through a lot of past baggage and I want to be there for him. Call me naive but I really don't think it's about the sex. He's never been one to eyeball other women and has always been a home and family man never had a v high sex drive etc. Sometimes I'm ok and sometimes I just can't bear what he has done to me. Would really appreciate some thoughts or viewpoints on this as I am up and down in my moods like a yo yo.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Blue_waves: I'm sorry you & your bf are experiencing this difficulty. The good news here, though, is that it sounds as though your bf is taking responsibility for what he did & is doing what needs to be done to correct the situation. That is to be celebrated! A lot of men would not have the courage, or the insight needed, to do so.

Now, clearly, you have been deeply hurt. This is something that is going to take time to heal. You may want to consider seeing a mental health therapist yourself, if you're not already doing so, so that you have someone with whom you can process, over a period of time, what this experience has done to you. Continuing to allow the thoughts & feelings you're experiencing to ruminate in your consciousness is only going to make matters worse over time, I fear.

Anyway... I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

[Crazy Hitch]

Awwww ... any woman in your situation would be deeply hurt by what he's done

There are many ways that you cite he has changed his actions from the past; which is a positive thing and a huge shame that he had a monumental slip up in his ways. Drunk or not ...

I hope he's deleted and blocked any unsavoury contacts (because I was wondering what on earth he had her number on his phone for in the first place .... )

[Blue_waves]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

Awwww ... any woman in your situation would be deeply hurt by what he's done

There are many ways that you cite he has changed his actions from the past; which is a positive thing and a huge shame that he had a monumental slip up in his ways. Drunk or not ...

I hope he's deleted and blocked any unsavoury contacts (because I was wondering what on earth he had her number on his phone for in the first place .... )

Thank you for your replies. It was not a saved number he got her number of an escort website he has used in the past and text the number. I do believe he would tell me the truth and he swears he doesn't even know what she looks like as he he no recollection. He also was gambling that evening while looking for her so O am trying to tell myself both were a reflection of him hitting rock bottom than sex or anything else.

[Trippin2.0]

Couples counseling?