[Artchic528]

*sigh*

I can't put my finger on it but something about this older gentleman who has been sending me messages on Match for some time isn't really jiving with me. I responded once or twice, but haven't been responding for a while now. He's nice enough, and I feel just awful not replying to him. He's about 10 years older than I, with a child, and looks to be of another ethnicity.

I'm far from racist, and I've been attracted to men of other ethnicities than that of myself, but I can't put my finger on why I'm not jumping for joy about this guy. I'm not racist. Honest I'm not.

Maybe it's because he has a kid and I'm not into kids? Don't get me wrong, I like them fine, but I just feel awkward interacting with them. It's something that doesn't come naturally to me. Honestly, I'm scared to death of even having coffee with a guy who has a kid or two by another woman. I think to myself, "what if I actually like the guy? I'm terrible interacting with kids and I don't want to have to deal with the baby-mamma drama.

Maybe it's that he's 10 years older than I? Might the age difference be deterring me? I've never had a "type" per se, other than nerdy and/or geeky.

Why am I so stuck here?

There is nothing wrong with feeling this way. Who wants to deal with an ex wife? Also, when a child is 10, much of their personality has already been shaped by the father and ex wife--I think it is wise to be cautious about what you might be getting into. So maybe you aren't stuck, just choosing carefully...

[MickeyCheeky]

You don't HAVE to like the guy.. I understand the struggle of not knowing why you feel this way, but know that there's nothing wrong with it.

[Bill3]

It sounds to me as though he just doesn't spark anything in you. So be it!

[divine1966]

You aren't obligated to date men with children or men that are older or of whatever ethnicity.

Just don't assume all divorce men have "baby mamma" drama. Many divorced co-parent without drama

But don't force yourself to date someone you aren't into

[Rose76]

When it comes to romance there is nothing wrong with having preferences. You don't have to be an "equal opportunity" dater to be a decent person. You really have no control over what makes someone seem attractive to you. Some men prefer blondes. Some women only like men who are tall, or muscular. We probably all have an ideal "type" we think is most attractive . . . which we may, or may not, be able to attract to ourselves.

You can't always reason out why someone just doesn't seem attractive to you. It's not, necessarily, rational . . . and doesn't have to be.

[stolemyheart87]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

*sigh*

I can't put my finger on it but something about this older gentleman who has been sending me messages on Match for some time isn't really jiving with me. I responded once or twice, but haven't been responding for a while now. He's nice enough, and I feel just awful not replying to him. He's about 10 years older than I, with a child, and looks to be of another ethnicity.

I'm far from racist, and I've been attracted to men of other ethnicities than that of myself, but I can't put my finger on why I'm not jumping for joy about this guy. I'm not racist. Honest I'm not.

Maybe it's because he has a kid and I'm not into kids? Don't get me wrong, I like them fine, but I just feel awkward interacting with them. It's something that doesn't come naturally to me. Honestly, I'm scared to death of even having coffee with a guy who has a kid or two by another woman. I think to myself, "what if I actually like the guy? I'm terrible interacting with kids and I don't want to have to deal with the baby-mamma drama.

Maybe it's that he's 10 years older than I? Might the age difference be deterring me? I've never had a "type" per se, other than nerdy and/or geeky.

Why am I so stuck here?

If you don't feel a connection with him, then don't go for him. You are forcing yourself if you do, and you don't want to do that. It's obvious this guy is not for you. Move on if that is what you want to do. IF you want to give him a shot, it wouldn't hurt to meet up once for coffee and if there wasn't a connection cut ties. Hope this helps ya.

[unaluna]

Dont let somebody guilt trip you into dating them. That sets the tone for the whole rest of the relationship - their way or else.

He's just not your type and you don't have a spark, nothing wrong with that.

Sparks and the right types are worth waiting for.

How about trying?
You're not sure about that man, but you're thinking of him, so there are things about him that you like. Who knows, maybe you'll find more things to like about him.
The reasons you don't want to go are age gap and children, which I can understand.
But you can also see such dating as an opportunity to get to know children, and who know, you might like his child.

This is insight I'm giving. Eventually the choice is yours

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

But you can also see such dating as an opportunity to get to know children, and who know, you might like his child.

I would strong advise against this. Having dated several partners with children, I strongly advise that children not be introduced to a parent's new partner until AFTER a long-term, solid relationship has been established. It is emotionally damaging for the children to meet mom or dad's "date of the week" and usually leads the children to act out against the revolving door of partners.

On the other extreme, it is extremely painful for both the child and the partner when a good relationship comes to an end. I absolutely fell in love with my ex's daughter and was heartbroken when I had to make the decision to end the relationship with my ex. Meeting someone's child is NOT something to be taken lightly or to serve as an experiment. You should only be introduced to someone': child after you are both certain the relationship is going to last a long time and you are looking at combining your lives.

As for the OP's initial post, you're just jot into him. That's totally okay! You're not going to be into everybody. Heck, I'm rarely interested in anybody! Just follow your gut. You'll be miserable if try to "make yourself" like someone just because hey are available. You deserve to be picky and wait until you meet someone who gives you butterflies.

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

I would strong advise against this. Having dated several partners with children, I strongly advise that children not be introduced to a parent's new partner until AFTER a long-term, solid relationship has been established. It is emotionally damaging for the children to meet mom or dad's "date of the week" and usually leads the children to act out against the revolving door of partners.

On the other extreme, it is extremely painful for both the child and the partner when a good relationship comes to an end. I absolutely fell in love with my ex's daughter and was heartbroken when I had to make the decision to end the relationship with my ex. Meeting someone's child is NOT something to be taken lightly or to serve as an experiment. You should only be introduced to someone': child after you are both certain the relationship is going to last a long time and you are looking at combining your lives.

As for the OP's initial post, you're just jot into him. That's totally okay! You're not going to be into everybody. Heck, I'm rarely interested in anybody! Just follow your gut. You'll be miserable if try to "make yourself" like someone just because hey are available. You deserve to be picky and wait until you meet someone who gives you butterflies.

Wow, didn't consider that.
Thank you for the insight, that was very important to me.

[divine1966]

Execellent post, scorpiosis. If someone isn't into dating people with kids, the last thing I'd wanted them to do is to meet my daughter and see if they like her. No thanks.

You don't have to find a rational reason. He will get the message and move on. Even if you have a personal preference for ethnicity, this doesn't make you a racist.