[ReddSkyes]

It's kind of confusing. I describe myself as a misanthrope. I also don't particularly care for women. I am a woman, and find my fellow gender to be too catty, vindictive, backstabbing, etc. I've had better luck with men as they seem to be more upfront and straightforward. That said, I have my own criticisms of men too!

I don't make real friends easily. Nor do I want to. I don't have much faith in people. I have one, maybe two friends. That's enough.

I catch myself saying people suck usually when I feel let down. This could be because someone says something offensive, however slight, and I think to myself, "I'd never say that to them!" and "After everything I've done/I am doing for them."

One of my friends (perhaps my only friend) says I expect perfection. Maybe.

I say things to my husband like; "Everyone says they're nice, but they're not as nice as they like to think they are!" and "No one really means it when they say they're sorry, because they end up being a jerk again later on! They apologize for snapping at me, but do it again 4 weeks later!"

I know I sound like a drama queen. This is how I feel deep down. The feelings of hate and outrage are strong, and sometimes overwhelming. I never do anything violent or physical. My husband is the only one who hears me say these things most of the time. He's great. He understands people more than I do, and knows they're not perfect, and mess up, again and again.

I veer from believing people do not change, and remain the same crappy way they've always been, to believing that people DO change and sometimes become worse, etc.

Deep down, I believe that people can be better if they want to be. But often say "Well, this is what I've become, so..."

I've told people, "If you know you offend people, strive to be better." I continually see people falling short of that, or making excuses, justifying it, etc.

My (perhaps only) friend says to be prepared to spend the rest of my life with husband, and my dog, and any other dogs I come to own in the future because that's all I seem to be happy with. He may be right.

And yes, I think I'm just as rotten as everyone else!

Sorry for the rambling. I guess my question was, why do I automatically think the worst of someone I've known for a few years, because they mess up, and are rude. Then I dismiss them as a sh-- that I don't need to know any more.

[JoeS21]

You sound like a sweet sensitive person who's been hurt way too many times. It does hurt to be let down, snapped at, and to be stuck around catty, vindictive, backstabbing behavior. In fact, too much of that is infuriating and inducing of hate and outrage.

With too many repetitions, sooner or later, one might come to expect the same bad experience to keep happening over and over, and fail to keep an open mind and fresh perspective for each new scenario and person. Emotionally speaking, when someone's been hurt or wronged, sometimes the slightest hint or reminder of that past event (by another person) will set off powerful emotions. Personal feelings are NOT necessarily caused by someone around you. Sometimes emotions surface due to reminders of the past that are ever so subtle, yet powerful. When another person seems like a complete jerk, take a break. Reflect on the situation. Separate emotion from fact. Ask yourself if that person's intentions were really as bad as they seemed? More importantly, what caused the emotion? Could it be an emotional response primarily brought on by something from the past? Nurture yourself. Love yourself. Work to process events in the past that continue to haunt you and ruin current relationships. Consider keeping a diary of bad emotions and a list of potential causes, including actual events, people, stuff from the past/reminders, and health issues (like a poor diet). Knowing yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself and others. Once you understand yourself, life will become much more enjoyable.

Giving people the benefit of the doubt is a fine thing to do most of the time. If you are ever worried about having that mistaken as foolishness, you can always verbalize it. It is good that you realize that, "people are not perfect and mess up again and again." Everyone comes with imperfections. People are not black and white, good or evil. We are all a shade of gray.

People do mess up again and again. It's human nature. I believe we are all doing our best, and then when we know better, we do better. But we are not interpersonally perfect.

I can relate to what you said, about thinking the worst of someone when they disappoint you. I used to think negatively of certain people who were my friends. I would get easily annoyed with them. Or hurt by something they did, not intending to be rude. I wonder, for myself, of it was because I didn't understand the way relationships work and are, that I was a perfectionist, had high expectations, and if someone didn't meet those expectations, it was like, I expected people to make me happy or complete me.

Anywho, things changed for me, and I started being grateful for friends, and realizing relationships like friendships take work and effort to keep up sometimes.

I'm not sure I have an answer to your question, but I can just tell you my story, and that I could kind of relate, and what helped me.

[s4ndm4n2006]

agree with the idea that most people do keep trying to do better but we tend to fail a lot and remake our mistakes. I do believe we as people are fed the same situations that we fail at repeatedly until we figure out how to better deal or cope with them.

The people that I lose my patience with are those that do not think that they are the way they are and believe they are better than what is the reality. The ones that are not self aware and dont' care to be. I don't write off apologies unless it's a habit of that person to give a half hearted apology and hope things are fine because they do. Then rinse, repeat.

I think it's a matter of being discerning enough to know the difference between people that are genuinely trying but keep hitting walls and those that don't care to change. Writing off everyone expecting the worst is no better than being overly trusting of everyone and being gullible. either extreme is going to put you in a world of hurt, emotionally.

don't lump everyone together. at one point you talk about a certain friend. If you have a problem with this person's apologies and repeatedly doing something, observe that person as they are, a unique and singular individual, it does not mean all men, all single people, all women or any other whole group is exactly the same no matter how you try to frame it. deal with the one person individually and figure it out with them.

It seems like your problem may be global thinking. generalizing every problem and lumping it with a global statement related to whole groups of people. this is always a mistake not only in being inaccurate but also in not helping with how you get on in life. being disappointed in people in general is not going to make your outings in real life very pleasant!