[xRavenx]

I'm new to the whole online dating thing...

Someone I went on two dates recently with has been texting me a lot throughout the day. He usually initiates the conversation and keeps it going. The amount of time he texts me goes beyond the amount most couples text each other. Since I admit to feeling a little bit lonely lately, I admit it is nice to have someone to hear from him and know someone is thinking of me. It's also exciting to learn about a new person's interests, etc. Texting does offer being able to think and write out my responses and maybe add a little more flirtation, although of course it doesn't beat picking up the phone and talking.

However, I wonder if too much texting early on could be detrimental to the process of getting to know each other in person. This has all happened very fast. Even after only our first meeting, he started texting a lot each day. I hope this won't kill future attraction or our ability to form a potentially lasting bond. I'm wondering if I should take steps to scale back the amount of communication for this reason. What are your thoughts? Once again, I am not used to "meeting" someone online. The concept is very different for me.

[divine1966]

Whatever works for you and your partner. There are no rules. I've met my husband online. We were texting/calling a lot rather quickly. We also got married rather quickly. We still text a lot ha Works for us. I recommend not to get intimate abd flirtatious too quickly, build your friendship first. But amount of calling or texting isn't s big deal. Many couples communicate a lot.

I have to add that you don't know if he texts more than other couples (commenting on what you said). Many couples do it a lot. My nephew and his wife make fun of each other how much they text, they are newly weds. My parents call each other all the time and so does my aunt and uncle and they've been married 50+ years. Etc etc actually in my experience couples in good relationships (regardless if it's new or long term) communicate to each other a lot: some text or some call etc but a lot of communication is normal

IME excessive texting early on seems to be more of the norm these days. I much prefer the phone and in person contact as texting can become superficial and mundane over time. Hugs.

[Bill3]

Leaving aside for a moment whatever the average might be, how do you feel about his volume of texting?

[healingme4me]

I used texting a lot in the beginning of my current relationship. We were long distance to begin. There were definitely, wow, is this too much texting thoughts at first. But there were phone calls and visits and a most memorable vacation. Now, in person, there's still plenty to talk about. It can be a good way to get to know all those little details.
If you are both ok with it, I wouldn't worry if it's "the norm" or not.

[MickeyCheeky]

Go for it and see how it goes.. if it becomes too unsettling then yeah, I'd start worrying about it. But unless it goes too far, I guess you can still go on with it

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I'm new to the whole online dating thing...

Someone I went on two dates recently with has been texting me a lot throughout the day. He usually initiates the conversation and keeps it going. The amount of time he texts me goes beyond the amount most couples text each other. Since I admit to feeling a little bit lonely lately, I admit it is nice to have someone to hear from him and know someone is thinking of me. It's also exciting to learn about a new person's interests, etc. Texting does offer being able to think and write out my responses and maybe add a little more flirtation, although of course it doesn't beat picking up the phone and talking.

However, I wonder if too much texting early on could be detrimental to the process of getting to know each other in person. This has all happened very fast. Even after only our first meeting, he started texting a lot each day. I hope this won't kill future attraction or our ability to form a potentially lasting bond. I'm wondering if I should take steps to scale back the amount of communication for this reason. What are your thoughts? Once again, I am not used to "meeting" someone online. The concept is very different for me.

It's good that you're being analytical here and thinking about whether the texting is good or not.

I don't think that it's detrimental to your being able to get to know each other in person. Lack of being in person is. If it kept you from meeting in person, yes, I would say it is but really just because you text a lot does not keep you from meeting in person. They are not mutually exclusive activities.

Another thought is although texting, chatting, and other online means of communication is not a replacement for meeting in person, it does give you the opportunity to get to know someone on a level that doesn't happen always in physical only (meaning in person) meeting and dating. Thing is, typically in a dating atmosphere, where you're in person, you can be hindered or distracted somewhat from having more in depth conversations. You'll be busy enjoying the time with the other person, enjoying the romance etc. Which are all good things but I find that being able to talk online via Skype, text or what not the conversations can be more intellectual.

Granted in a textless relationship these things still happen but I think it takes getting past the early romantic dates to get there and with texting early on you can get to know the person inside earlier.

Just my thoughts. texting can be good too.

[avlady]

I do think people should be very very careful as to whom they are texting etc...Make sure a picture is sent too.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by avlady

I do think people should be very very careful as to whom they are texting etc...Make sure a picture is sent too.

They already had two dates

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Bill3

Leaving aside for a moment whatever the average might be, how do you feel about his volume of texting?

At first, it seemed a little much. I work long hours lately, so I felt a pressure to keep up. Now, I'm feeling more comfortable. I guess I hope things will not just fizzle out based on too much constant communication, but I know I shouldn't worry about that. I respond whenever I can, and I do enjoy our text conversations. I happen to notice he is less outgoing in real life, although the dates went well. We do still connect in person. Maybe he's a little shy, and texting helps him open up more. After all, we only went out twice (and we have plans for this weekend). I am interested in seeing where things go.

[toolman65]

If you are ok with the frequency of texts then so be it. However, too much revelation is going to kill the interest level you have in each other.

Don't let that spark turn into the dreaded "friendzone"

[LifeInProgress]

My girlfriend and I communicate a lot by text and message. Neither of us really likes to talk on the phone, so it is a good alternative.

It is not a substitute for face to face time though. More of a supplement.

I can remember the days of writing letters, even when I was dating someone I saw often. It was a way of further communication and feeling in touch.