[FallenAngel454]

If you don't know what that is, a standby lover is someone you are talking to on the side of your significant other but not dating them. So if anything happens to your current relationship, you will have a safety net. I have one lol.

[~Christina]

I'm married so certainly not, I'm a one kinda guy girl.

I've never cheated either. Happened to me it's horrible.

Why have a significant other if you keep side action possible ?

You significant other must not be very significant if you're looking for backup

Jmho of course

[Crazy Hitch]

If I didn't 150% have my needs met in a relationship, and wasn't able to meet my significant other's needs in the relationship, then I'd leave.

[Artchic528]

I agree with what's been said. There's no point in having anyone on the side if you're totally committed to your SO. Otherwise that's cheating, IMHO.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

If you are in a committed relationship or your partner this they are and you have not told them otherwise CLEARLY!..then this behavior is just unacceptable. If you don't know what you want or you are not mature enough to communicate what you want, need , are.... you should not be getting involved with anyone until you figure out you.
-LITW

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by Lost_in_the_woods

If you are in a committed relationship or your partner this they are and you have not told them otherwise CLEARLY!..then this behavior is just unacceptable. If you don't know what you want or you are not mature enough to communicate what you want, need , are.... you should not be getting involved with anyone until you figure out you.
-LITW

^+1

This seems kind of cruel IMHO. I mean are you stringing the standby lover along so that you won't ever be alone? It also means that you're not 100% dedicated to your current relationship. I think that it might be a good idea for you to be ok with being single.

[divine1966]

Certainly not. I am married.

If something happens to your relationship (and we all know things do happen-divorce/death), then you grieve or do what needs to be done to move on and eventually look for someone else.

Are there any people your age in real life you can be friends with? All this talking to strangers online could be dangerous. Are these people at least your age? Or adults? I worry about your safety

[Trippin2.0]

Certainly not.
Having a back up plan would mean I have no faith in my bf or our relationship, he deserves better than that.

I think you need to drop the dating scene online or offline, and gove yourself time to grow and mature a little more before you have a bf, you don't seem emotionally mature enough if you're making sure you have safety nets and spare wheels in place.

[~Christina]

Oh a minor , that explains a lot . Certainly needs time to grow up and learn how relationships really work.

Be kind to people you have in your life. Kind and loyal are much needed qualities.

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Certainly not. I am married.

If something happens to your relationship (and we all know things do happen-divorce/death), then you grieve or do what needs to be done to move on and eventually look for someone else.

Are there any people your age in real life you can be friends with? All this talking to strangers online could be dangerous. Are these people at least your age? Or adults? I worry about your safety

Yikes! A minor. Oh dear

[PandorasAquarium]

No way. Not with my man. But that's because we're we made a commitment to one another and if you can't trust the one you're with, then you have nothing. Trust in a relationship is everything and it must go both ways.

To keep someone on the side as a "maybe" is not only disrespectful to your SO, it's disrespectful to the side-dish (for lack of a better term.) Leading someone on because you just don't know what you want, is one thing (though not good, it happens sometimes). Leading someone on deliberately so that you have a fallback is hurtful. Messing with a person's emotions just because you can will only hurt people, including you. Eventually you will lose both. You may be alone then. You will lose friends, reputation, and perhaps even self-respect.

So unless these two are interested in a plural relationship, you must decide. You must figure out what you want from your life. Then you can be in a healthy romantic relationship. You have to be able to thrive on your own, then you will be able to find a fulfilling relationship. It's the only way, or you will always be unhappy no matter who you are with.

That said, while I am very happily married for many years, i still have good friends of the opposite sex who at one time expressed interest in me. I am clear where I stand in the friendship about my stable marriage and absolutely transparent with ALL interactions with other men to my husband. I would not do anything that might even make him feel threatened, because he never could be. He is mine, I am his. Or we would not be together.

You use the word "lover". But I do not think it means what you think it means.

[divine1966]

I think the original poll is misleading in a sense how it relates to you. Keeping "lovers" on the side is quite different than just talking to some people online, provided you never even met them

[healingme4me]

I most certainly do not have anyone on standby. Not my type of lifestyle. It works out better for me and my emotional health. Sounds exhausting to try to have more than one partner but different strokes for different folks. Who am I to judge?

[TishaBuv]

It's called 'keeping someone on a back burner'. There are lots of people who do it.

I have an ex bf who we have discussed our possibly finally being together when we are 80. He's married, I'm married. He and I never really materialized and left seemingly 'unfinished business'. But, it's ridiculous and nothing will ever happen.

One of my gf's also has a guy who is friends with her and her h, who she says he is her back-up plan should her marriage end, and her h doesn't even care.

Now that we're over 50, meh.

[eyesclosed]

No I had this done twice to me. Divorce because of another man. Do you have any empathy have you had this done to you so maybe it's a defence I don't think you should be dating until you figure out why. To each is own though maybe this will be the next trend.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

It's called 'keeping someone on a back burner'. There are lots of people who do it.

I have an ex bf who we have discussed our possibly finally being together when we are 80. He's married, I'm married. He and I never really materialized and left seemingly 'unfinished business'. But, it's ridiculous and nothing will ever happen.

One of my gf's also has a guy who is friends with her and her h, who she says he is her back-up plan should her marriage end, and her h doesn't even care.

Now that we're over 50, meh.

I don't understand this concept....

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I don't understand this concept....

Maybe it is insecure people having a Plan B.

I've spent way too much time thinking about this ex boyfriend. When I married my h, I was glad to leave all the exes behind. But when the marital problems began, I reached out for him, fantasized about him, dreamed him into someone he probably even is not.

Now we're in a good place. I'm thinking about him way less. That drama has played out. No harm done.

[seesaw]

I voted "yes" because I used to have a couple but I haven't had any these past 2 years. But I do have a standby often...everyone has needs.

[seesaw]

Wait, i think I misunderstood the question. I don't have a standby if I'm in a relationship. I have a standby when I'm not in a relationship and not wanting one. So I guess I should revote "no".