Losing lifelong friends over politics

Was thinking of you, this moment seeker.

That darn fb and the side effects of relationships over it amuses me. I shared a message that I sent to my US Rep. The feedback in my home over it, was wow, well written and professional. And the next morning she was literally in my community and touched upon part of my concern by chance. Which was great. I don't have an actual reply yet, but I'm sure I might. Anyhow, instead of commenting on the message my father rambled on and on on topics that I've heard for decades. I respond to him to the sound of crickets. It led me to research his concerns and find dates and the history if it all.
Now one friend, we are definitely on various sides barring one specific topic, liked and commenting how great the app is, since she shared and I downloaded too.
I've strengthened relationships in spite of this. Hopefully, you've also had similar experiences of strengthening or new friends to offset the disappointing loss of others.

I lost many friends when I started with my activism. Some for reason they are afraid to be associated with me (I gotten so many "is it even safe to be friends with you?" comments), some because... well they were on the other side of the specter, so they consider me a fascist, traitor and a person who wants to launch the country and the world into a war. Some consider me weird that I chose activist and humanitarian route instead of doing the "normal people" thing.

I cannot talk to some anymore, because I can handle their westie priviledged yak yak and whinning, while they do not acknowledge my worries and concerns are real.

Why do you want a friend who is so different from you that you cannot stand your world-views? It will not work.

We're friends, childhood sweethearts , off and on thru college. The friendship has endured until this political mess. It reveals how strongly people feel, I guess.

I lost a best friend of 12 years. I'm completely heartbroken and I feel awful about myself. I cannot even speak of it anonymously apparently.

Yes, I read your thread, LL. I have another friend, of whom I have not spoken, who is diametrically opposed to me in politics. We still see each other (this is not the friend with whom I've laughed about our differences). This other friend and I simply avoid the subject of politics since the election. We value each others' company, and it will survive, I'm sure. It's sad when friendships end.

Last year, our high school Class of '68 had a big reunion. It was wonderful. We all connected primarily via Facebook. Since the election, though, there has been so much rancorous political opinions posted there, I doubt we'll have another (planned for our 50th in just a couple of years). I'm either going to "unfollow" many on FB, or temporarily close my account there. I find myself fretting about it too much!

I don't know what to do with my facebook. It's tearing me apart. There are friends who make offensive political posts but outside of the politics they're truly good people who post really positive, uplifting posts about music, cooking, photography, cats, and their daily lives and I really enjoy the positive stuff and all 14 of my facebook friends are either family or close friends and I don't see the point in unfollowing them for political posts if it means I won't get to enjoy being their facebook friend and see the good stuff they post. Does that make sense?

Like, how do you avoid all the politics on FB while still being a loyal, supporting friend? Every day, I have to hit "hide", "hide", "hide" or simply ignore it, but it's in my face all the time.

Yes, LL, the "in your face" stuff from lifelong friends is difficult for me as well. I've just had to "unfollow," and they probably realize I'm doing it, but for my own peace of mind, I have to. I don't post political stuff, as I don't want to offend friends, but some people are on a rant and seem to think FB is the place to do it! It's hurtful to see their posts, and it hurts me psychologically to try to process it, so I "unfollow." I haven't unfriended them, as I still love them, but my own mental health must come first, as must yours.

My male friend, about whom I began this thread, deleted his whole FB account out of anger. Subsequently, not communicating with me. Sad, but I have to accept.

But if I unfollow them I won't see the posts I want to see from them, the cooking, the photography, the cats, the daily life. I only have *13 friends so if I unfriended every single person who rants politics my facebook wall will be empty.

You will just either have to get over the fact their politics are different and accept their position might be legitimate... or do without their other stuff too, if you cannot handle this part of their personality.

I mean, Seeker herself does not shush her viewpoint. For some people their world view is important. And it is up to others if they can handle it or if somebody having a different view destroys their little world.

And...?

Maybe this is a sign that you should get out in the real world and not be so hooked on Facebook?

The world will not end if you stop associating with people on Facebook.

If anything, I think your world will open up.

The thing about Facebook is that its not real social interaction. Its virtual interaction which is just "surface" at best.

I'm not saying that all interaction online is like this, rather interacting with people and "liking" and commenting on cooking posts isn't deeper human interaction, which is what we all really need.

That's the lie about "social" media----its not actually "social", at least not in the way in which we are designed to be social creatures.

How about the feature where you can hide shares from specific sites? Works for me.

I hear you about still wanting to see the other things. That's how it is in this day and age.

The topic of the thread is about losing friends and the impact it has on us ...

I don't know if this helps or not, but when I'm feeling a little more philosophical about friends I've lost along life's journey, I tend to equate it with that fork in the road and taking diverging paths ... Regardless of the reason(s) why we've parted ways.

Some friends will be able to walk with us for a lifetime ... Others will only be able to walk along with us for various lengths of time ... When the ruptures occur, though, and for whatever reason, it doesn't make it hurt any less!

With all that being said, Seeker, I'm truly sorry for the loss of your friend ...

Love,
Pflower!

Such a shame that he deleted his entire account.

I have one friend that has animated back and forth discussions with her brother, which I and other friends are welcome to join in and it's very respectful and considerate to observe and partake. The underlying "rule/boundary" is that it's only politics not the sum of the whole of our character/personality. I go back a couple of decades with this friend, even each had attended each other's weddings.
I have another longtime friend where it's understood that she just needs to vent off a ton of steam. Her health isn't ideal and she deals with her own anxieties and other physical stuff which compounds that frustration. But knowing this about her, helps to just move past, don't argue, comment and engage on other stuff. That's where the longevity comes in.

Why do i need to vocalize my views with anyone? Keeping on topic, there are three triggering dealbreakers to easily lose friendships: sex, religion, and politics. I dont believe those topics belong on facebook, but thats just me. And i do know its unavoidable and i cannot control what others post, so i hide or ignore it because i care about my friends.

The things is.... revolutions were done over Facebook. In certain country under certain revolution, there were even babies name "Facebook".

Some people don't care about these topics, but well... they matter. We vote, we.... you-know-what and we believe or don't believe in things. To some they matter more. If sex was never to be discussed... and it was tabboo on some point... well, our popculture would look different. And many people would suffer because they would believe they are disgusting and filthy... when in face they are not even a minority in their feelings and stuff.

I get much more annoyed by silly "inspirational" quotes and ten thousands pictures of people's babies. Or game requests. And it's up to each to decide "is this HS friend who plays candy crush and sends here sonos everyday worth it for me?".

Obviously, people posts things that MATTER to them. To some it's politics. Or religion. And you have no right to tell them what to post on Facebook. Only things that don't belong there are porn, hate crimes and other highly illegal things. Well... and harrasment. Zuckeberg himself taken political stances on issues.


let me post this, I hope you find it funny and that it is not against the guidelines

I do understand. And i agree that these topics matter. I learned the hard way that some people feel so strongly about these topics that it is best to respect that by avoiding or limiting discussions on those topics with certain people. And yes the meme is funny.

Well, if your friend deleted his entire FB account, he is distancing from not just you but all his friends.

The thing about FB is that people only reveal "part" of themselves and may have other challenges going on in their lives that they simply don't share. It could be that he is angry about a lot of things you don't even know about.

Sometimes people get overwhelmed and need to distance from others for a while. It doesn't always mean they don't like you or others, they just need "space".

There is a lot of anger and negativity taking place and unfortunately more than ever before society is getting over exposed to a lot of emotion, especially negative emotion.

Give this long time friend space and perhaps in the future he will be in a better place where he can reconnect.

I have a new friend. We've been having a good time getting to know each other, going out to eat etc. Out of the blue she spewed that she hated Trump and was angry because there were upset people that disagreed with her on her FB. I don't really do FB so I don't get this. I also voted for Trump but I didn't tell her because I was afraid she would dump me as a friend. I'm not strongly into politics but she seemed extremely upset about the election. My Mother lost a friend due to politics. Politics are just not that important to me. I'm more interested in spirituality, art, poetry, books, relationships. I'm sorry you lost your friend. I've decided not to enter into a conversation about politics with my new friend.

I don't understand why politics is to be avoided in friendships when it is a very valid gauge of a persons inner workings? I mean I can understand it if you have a casual friendship with someone based on something like they're a friend you only know through a certain activity like volunteering or something like that, but as for deeper friendships, why would you hide that side of yourself? I'm a very honest person and I don't hide parts of myself from people who are close to me, and I wouldn't appreciate it if someone hid parts of themselves from me as I'd feel very duped. A friendship that involves hiding ones self isn't really a true friendship, is it? I mean our friends should accept us and love us for who we are, and if we have to hide ourselves just to keep a friend, then I'd say its not a friendship to begin with. (This sentiment applies across the board, not just to politics. I'd say the same for any topic. If people cannot accept one another, or agree to disagree, then the friendship or relationship just isn't meant to be.)

In the end a person has the right to not be your friend for any reason in the world, or really for no reason at all. The only thing that you can do is accept it.

I think it's a social control thing that got hammered into people at one point in history and they just keep dragging it like mud on their shoes on and on.

There really shouldn't be taboo topic in friendship... unless you both mutually decide on it.

I think this post is extremely relevant.

Also, being friends with someone of a different religion or politics takes an extreme amount of tolerance, compassion and desire to understand. However, that said, when someone else's views, be they political, religious, or whatever border on terrorism and oppression of others, and they have no desire to reciprocate that tolerance, compassion and understanding, then there is no chance for friendship.

I have cut off many people who supported the opposite side as me in this past election because their comments have been obscene, oppressive, hateful and show no desire to understand. In fact, their desire seems to be to create a sort of Aryan nation where they don't have to deal with anyone unlike themselves. For my own mental health (and safety, since I'm Jewish), I cannot have relationships with people like that.

I understand that it is hard and you will grieve over these friendships, but people will do what they need to do to protect themselves, and because of your views, you may not seem like a "safe" person to them. I'm sure to some people I'm not a "safe" person. It's all about how they feel.

I think if you want to keep your friends who have different values than you, try approaching them with compassion and a desire to understand. Admit that you have different values but tell them you value them and want to understand, if you can continue to have fun together and attempt to understand each other in a political way. The thing is, politics isn't just politics. Politics reveals people's values, what they cherish in life, and how they see the world. I think it's very hard to say, I'm going to have a real, close friend who doesn't value the things I value in life.

Good luck,
seesaw

Deleted......

I'm not sure what this means or what the point of this is.

Today I had a deep conversation with a lifelong female friend with whom I disagree about politics. We both expressed our opinions, without a meeting of minds in any way, but agreed to stay friends. Hugging as she departed. I'm sure she was appalled at my revelations. I was not at hers, as I knew how she felt. It's good, though, that we can remain friends.

Let me add, there are some here on this thread who post political opinions. I could do that, but it would be deleted, as this is not the thread in which to voice such. Go to the Social Groups Political thread to do so.