[seeker1950]

I'm really disturbed, feeling abandoned really, due to political differences from lifelong friends who are upset about the election. I just have to let them (him, in particular) go, I guess. I've sent a few friendly emails to which I get either no or brief replies. I'm sad about it, but the man is militant in his views. When we were in college, we sat at a restaurant next to a glass skyscraper, and he told me how he could build a bomb that would shatter the whole building. I just observed, of course, not approvingly. I guess this kind of radicalism has carried on in one form or another thru his whole life, and now, with this election, he abandons anyone who doesn't agree with him. We've been friends all these years, even visiting together from time to time, and this dates back from the Vietnam era. I'm just sad to lose a friend. Any thoughts?

[unaluna]

Well i no longer have patience for talk about blowing stuff up, unless its making a joke. Maybe i dont have the energy to be led astray, to waste on stg? I mean, i would say your friend has unresolved daddy issues or stg, doesnt even realize it, so yeah that would be boring to me. I expect a higher level of discourse from my friends. I wonder if we will be seeing a lot of this in the year to come.

[Molinit]

That kind of talk I take seriously and disassociate from that person immediately. Also, I have let everyone I know know that it's OVER, if who we wanted didn't win there is another election in 4 years and to get over it. There is no reason for this mass hysteria I see daily in the news, it's tiresome. We will all survive, all the crying and BS is just too much.

[seeker1950]

Originally Posted by Molinit

That kind of talk I take seriously and disassociate from that person immediately. Also, I have let everyone I know know that it's OVER, if who we wanted didn't win there is another election in 4 years and to get over it. There is no reason for this mass hysteria I see daily in the news, it's tiresome. We will all survive, all the crying and BS is just too much.

Yes, molinit...I said that exact thing to him. I would have been okay with either candidate. I would survive, and all of us would , and will.

[seeker1950]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Well i no longer have patience for talk about blowing stuff up, unless its making a joke. Maybe i dont have the energy to be led astray, to waste on stg? I mean, i would say your friend has unresolved daddy issues or stg, doesnt even realize it, so yeah that would be boring to me. I expect a higher level of discourse from my friends. I wonder if we will be seeing a lot of this in the year to come.

Well, back in the Vietnam era (and you may be too young to remember), it was the SDS on campuses. It was huge, and even the Charles Manson murders were met with some kind of approval. My friend is a Harvard grad, practicing attorney. His views have softened, no doubt, but his core values now do not allow him to discourse with anyone who disagrees. Sad.

In today's day and age I've found it best to not discuss politics with anyone unless they agree with my stance......and even then, usually the other person wants to just talk and talk and talk, which stresses me out. Suffice to say, politics is off my list of acceptable topics pretty much all the time. Its sad that you two can't agree to disagree and not have politics as part of your relationship. Hugs.

[healingme4me]

I know what you mean, seeker. When you just mentioned the generation of your friend, I completely comprehend the all or nothing of that generations discourse. That's the generation that I struggle with in my own personal life on the political side.
Maybe give him some time, then try again? My dad and his cousin backtracked a bit and chose relationship over being angry at/with.

[1978dd]

Originally Posted by seeker1950

I'm really disturbed, feeling abandoned really, due to political differences from lifelong friends who are upset about the election. I just have to let them (him, in particular) go, I guess. I've sent a few friendly emails to which I get either no or brief replies. I'm sad about it, but the man is militant in his views. When we were in college, we sat at a restaurant next to a glass skyscraper, and he told me how he could build a bomb that would shatter the whole building. I just observed, of course, not approvingly. I guess this kind of radicalism has carried on in one form or another thru his whole life, and now, with this election, he abandons anyone who doesn't agree with him. We've been friends all these years, even visiting together from time to time, and this dates back from the Vietnam era. I'm just sad to lose a friend. Any thoughts?

Have you tried to "agree to disagree?" Whomever POTUS is does not have to affect who my friends are. Take a firm stand, no political talks! Focus on love and caring about each other! Best of luck.

[1978dd]

I'm very conservative politically and my best friend is a very liberal female. We don't discuss politics, we discuss life...

[MickeyCheeky]

Sorry this happened to you I guess it really is better to avoid certain subjects when talking to your friends..

[1978dd]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Sorry this happened to you I guess it really is better to avoid certain subjects when talking to your friends..

It's not that my friend and I consciously do not talk about politics, we just don't "waste" time on things like politics. We discuss each other's children, dreams, celebrate wins and mourn losses. Idk, it's a unique relationship.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by seeker1950

I'm really disturbed, feeling abandoned really, due to political differences from lifelong friends who are upset about the election. I just have to let them (him, in particular) go, I guess. I've sent a few friendly emails to which I get either no or brief replies. I'm sad about it, but the man is militant in his views. When we were in college, we sat at a restaurant next to a glass skyscraper, and he told me how he could build a bomb that would shatter the whole building. I just observed, of course, not approvingly. I guess this kind of radicalism has carried on in one form or another thru his whole life, and now, with this election, he abandons anyone who doesn't agree with him. We've been friends all these years, even visiting together from time to time, and this dates back from the Vietnam era. I'm just sad to lose a friend. Any thoughts?

I can understand feeling sad but you sound like you did what you could in sending friendly emails. The ball is in your friends' courts. if you get no replies or brief ones when you try to move on with friendlier conversation, there isn't much you can do, you've done all you can. They've made their choice to allow political issues stand in their way of long term friendships.

[seeker1950]

I just posted this thread to talk about losing a lifelong friend. I've lost other friends as well, and have, in fact, deactivated my FB account for now due to the horrendous hate being spewed there. It makes me sad. This thread is not about bashing one political candidate or another, just about how to handle losing friends.

I once lived with people of a different religion. At the beginning we were arguing about religion all the time, but then I decided to disengage because it was disturbing, leading to no where, and create all of this hard feelings. With time I've learned to avoid religious and political discussions. People have strong views when it comes to politics and religion. I don't mind your religious or political background, as long as you respect people and tolerate their difference, and don't utter your religious or political views, at least not all the time. Otherwise, I cannot be around them.

[Talthybius]

There is a difference between disagreeing about the proper way to tax an economy, or the proper way to regulate a market on the one side, and Trump on the other.

I think big disagreements about religion or politics can make deep friendship impossible. It is one thing to put some issues under the rug and agree to disagree. But some things are fundamental and have to do with your level of decency and moral compass, or your ability to discern the truth.

You call your friend a radical. But your only example is him as a college student once making a comment about a bomb, which was a long long time ago and might have been a tasteless joke, and in your comment there is no link between that and politics.

My initial comment was a bit blunt, but it was to make a point. Maybe your friend does have views I think would make him fundamentally incapable of being my friend. But if a political disagrement does occor, as a result of this election, it just makes something visible that was always there. And both of you may be reactionary in your views, becoming either more outspoken or extreme.

But if you disagree that strongly and both of you don't feel like your disagreements and discussions have value, but instead both of you become frustrated by it, that is not a good sign. I do not know what the exact nature of this friendship is, but it seems like a deep emotional bond is being severed, which can be understandable.

You can either try to try to come closer together in political views through debate, or you can try to give your friendship some different nature. Like someone you visit sports events of go fishing with, but with whom you would not discuss for example your marriage.

[M_Elise]

This is the first time I've heard this from someone on the conservative side so it's pretty eye opening. I'm hearing (and experiencing) this same phenomenon from those who opposed Trump. It's like people I've know my whole life have changed. It makes you question your own judgement. I think this "confession" of sorts is enlightening though because it just goes to show that whatever is or isn't being accomplished politically, this elections energy has definitely succeeded in dividing us socially.

It's hard to say how to reverse the trend. If invalidating the emotions of everyone on the "other side" were the best option, non if us would be on a psych forum right now. At the same time, it seems like morally bankrupt compromise to maintain relationships with friends who have suddenly begun to call names and put you down. It's like being in an emotionally abusive relationship.

[lizardlady]

Seeker, I'm not going to get into the whole political thing. I'm sorry you lost a friend over this. That's sad.

[Open Eyes]

The best thing to do with individuals who are deeply angry about the results of this election is to leave them alone and don't challenge them seeker. If you have a Facebook account don't express any political opinions.

Your friend is clearly so angry right now that unless he gains support in his anger he doesn't want to interact. As "his" friend all you can do is give him some space and don't engage him with any political discussions unless you are willing to offer comfort in his extreme disappointment at this outcome.

[s4ndm4n2006]

I do understand yyour position too, seeker. over the past few years I have kind of lost touch with some people that I thought were very close friends because well, frankly the politics and views on certain things were just subjects repeatedly crossed. Some people, unfortunately when they know your views on things, they feel the need to talk about it, as if it's something important to their connection with you. In those cases there is very little you can do but walk away. You have to have friends that are wiling to agree to disagree with you. If they are not, it's just going to fall apart eventually anyway.

[seeker1950]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I do understand yyour position too, seeker. over the past few years I have kind of lost touch with some people that I thought were very close friends because well, frankly the politics and views on certain things were just subjects repeatedly crossed. Some people, unfortunately when they know your views on things, they feel the need to talk about it, as if it's something important to their connection with you. In those cases there is very little you can do but walk away. You have to have friends that are wiling to agree to disagree with you. If they are not, it's just going to fall apart eventually anyway.

Exactly, s4. I have one close female friend with whom I disagreed over politics for many years. We tolerated each other, even laughed about it, still enjoying each others' company. I wish it could be this way with all my friends, but sadly it cannot.

[continuosly blue]

REAL friends are tolerant and understanding. I've lost many friends because of intolerance. Those who think their point of view is the only correct one are terribly ignorant. With friends like that who needs enemies !
"Let those without sin cast the first stone." I don't think your losing a friend. I think your gaining peace of mind.

[Patagonia]

Wow! My SO just discussed this. He's on FB, I'm not. He said he's seriously thinking of "unfriending" life long friends bec of their political views.
I found this obsurd bec...well they're friends. But he feels that the way a person affiliates themselves politically tells a great deal about them.
I feel such a great divide!
I told him they could agree to disagree, but he refuses.

I try very hard not to talk politics but my SO makes his views very well known especially in front of my children. So when I hear my 6yo bashing someone at the dinner table saying how much he hates them I get super annoyed! And his views r only coming from my SO.
So I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle. Trying to teach tolerance in my house, the idea that if the president fails...we ALL fail. But I get the feeling from my SO that he'd love to see him fail just to prove the point!

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by seeker1950

Exactly, s4. I have one close female friend with whom I disagreed over politics for many years. We tolerated each other, even laughed about it, still enjoying each others' company. I wish it could be this way with all my friends, but sadly it cannot.

it takes a certain level of maturity and understanding to be able to have a real true friendship. This world talks about acceptance but in many ways it really is speaking of "conformity" in some people's minds. "Accept how I see things" In other words whereas true acceptance is the opposite and enhances our individuality. sorry /end rant.

[sabby]

Please folks, remember that this thread is about loosing a relationship over the difference of political views, not discussing what one's political views are. In keeping with our Community Guidelines, please make your posts directly to the OP's issue without bringing into the discussion political views.

Thanks so much!

I have always tried to be tolerant of my friends and acquaintances viewpoints. There have been a few times over the years that I've had to cut someone loose; but lately it has gotten ridiculous. Which means, I guess I haven't known my friends too well at all.

I've seen it said several times over of late that REAL friends don't judge one another. Well, that was before the new Reality. For, it is no longer a matter of whether you fall to the left, centre, or right of the political spectrum. It has come down frankly, to a question of basic human dignity and decency.

That's a dealbreaker. Finding out they haven't been all this time we've been friends? Earth-shattering.