[Mystery007]

i have been alone for a very long time now. Last time a man touched me was 7 years ago, that too was nothing I wanted much of. There was no sex, just a lame attempt at it. It was unsuccessful just like all the other ones in my life. Not to be crude but i have not had actual sex since i was maybe 25? I am touching 40 with nothing to show for it in my personal life. I stopped becoming social in the 7th grade. I tried to make another effort towards my social life in the past two weeks, and met a couple of people. I was supposed to meet a man last Saturday, he wanted to degrade me for certain fetishes that were similar to mine and I was ok with it. Somehow this scene of an actual date developed in my head and i went to the mall to buy heels, since i have not worn heels in a very long time. I was excited by the idea of a man touching me. When I came home and went to the shower he texted me that his "dinner party" was running late and he would not make it. I just collapsed on my bed, which in turn caused me to pull some muscle in my stomach that cause excruciating pain. I had been rejected again, just like all the other times in my life. Men dont want to be with me, forget about marrying me or having a relationship. They literally dont like the site of me. I dont know why, some people have told me I am beautiful but only when I was kneeling in front of them.

But there one man, he only comes to me at night. He comes out of these woods, they are beautiful twilight woods, its evening time but dark so you cannot see much. I have imagined his face but its not very clear, I just know he has wide shoulders and huge thick arms and thick wrists like maybe the type that would belong to a baseball player. He wears a silver watch on his hands and a black shirt with sleeves rolled up a bit. He comes and hugs me from behind and i can see the smile on his strong jaw line and some of his lips. He never says anything to me and I dont say anything to him. He just holds me so so so tight and it makes me feel like nothing and noone will hurt me anymore. He is so beautiful and tall and just protects me in his embrace. He lowers his face onto my shoulders and just hugs me with a soft smile on his face. Sometimes he hugs me face to face in a tight embrace. There is no conversation between us, just peace of mind and pure love that cannot be explained. I just hug him without letting go and immerse my body into his wide frame until i fall asleep. He then leaves to go back into the woods and disappears among the dark tree line. I cannot find him during the day, if I am upset I try to look for him in my mind but he is not there. The dark woods are there but he is not there. But I know he will always come at night to hold me again. When I die I would like to ask God why have i become a leftover, I never had my big day, I dont know how many years I have to keep living before I get the chance to ask him this question. BUT I DEMAND AN ANSWER!! I want to be with his man from the woods forever, I want him to hold me forever and ever and never let me go. I want to physically feel him in front of me. But he just comes to me at night before bed and leaves when i doze off.

I feel alone and very very very very lost and i cannot stop crying at times. I dont know what I had done to deserve this.
I just want that man from the woods to be myne.
We dont have to talk or say a word, he just has to hold me and make me feel safe for an eternity.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Mystery007: I hope someday you really do find your man in the woods for real. I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[Erebos]

Hey mystery,I was wondering how long you have been a sub? And if all your previous experiences were casual meet ups for scenes" rather than actual relationships.

I apologise if I misinterpreted your situation,it's just you spoke in fashion I am familiar with and relate to my experience with D/s.

[Mystery007]

Originally Posted by Erebos

Hey mystery,I was wondering how long you have been a sub? And if all your previous experiences were casual meet ups for scenes" rather than actual relationships.

I apologise if I misinterpreted your situation,it's just you spoke in fashion I am familiar with and relate to my experience with D/s.

I have not really been a sub, just explored it off and on over the years. Just casual meet ups no actual relationships.