I need some advice

My girlfriend had previously asked me not to engage in online conversations (via Facebook) with a certain other girl because it makes her uncomfortable. This other girl is a sometimes friend/most of the time enemy of hers, but I can never fully tell since I see them together socially all the time and there appears to be no animosity. I agreed not to, but then the other girl started messaging me and I responded, kept up with the conversation, and even initiated conversation in one instance. I am really trying to figure out why. I have no interest romantically in this other girl, and am totally in love with my girlfriend, but I did like the attention from the other girl somewhat. What I'm wondering is why I did this? I'm not a cheater, I've actually been cheated on before, and I would never consider doing that to another person.

I disclosed this information to my girlfriend and she is now furious with me. She says she can't trust me anymore because I lied to her about this. I've apologized profusely, promised to atone, and promised to do whatever I can to earn her trust back. She won't see me in person and requested that I leave her alone until she decides to reach out to me. I feel like if I could just talk to her face to face then we can move past this, but the uncertainty surrounding the situation, coupled with her being angry with me, is absolutely eating me up inside.

You crossed a line.

Your girlfriend has a right IMHO to be upset.

Let your girlfriend have time alone. If you push her for contact she could end things for good.

Your girlfriend being friends/not being friends with this other girl isn't so much the point. I have a feeling your girlfriend may know this girls true nature and doesn't want her messing up your relationship. We women have a way of knowing this about one another while guys are oblivious to the fact that some women have no class and have no problems crossing the line, making friends with another woman's man and then stealing him.

As for trust, you may never get that back. It's one of those live and learn kind of things. You can't buy her trust. You will have to prove you are trustworthy over time.

It's one of those stupid things we do as humans.
"Dont touch that, it's hot!," your parents say, the kid then invariably sticks their finger in or on whatever they were told not to.
"Dont look! It's awful." We all look.
I wonder if your girlfriend exp5lained why she didn't want you to speak to this girl. What she was afraid of.

And golden I suggest if this was a girl saying her boyfriend had told her not to speak to someone, the feminazi's would be out in force saying, " he's not the boss of you, you can speak to who u like, it's not like your doing anything."
Also I can pretty much guarantee they would assume he was hiding something or up to something shady.

So if it's a man its controlling, but if it's a woman saying it it's intuition? Really?

OP, You did something stupid, on the grand scale of offenses, talking to someone your girlfriend doesn't like isn't massive. Her reactions are interesting though.
As she obviously didn't have faith in you in the first place, it still all seems a little OTT.
You fessed up in the end, again better you had told her right away.

Thing is you ask someone to do something like that without explanation, they are gonna want to know why.

I certainly wouldn't be told who I can and can't speak to, and I wouldn't dream of telling my fella who he can't talk to.
To me she sounds a little immature and in need of addressing her relationship expectations.

Yes he was stupid, and should have dealt with it differently.
Next time don't make a promise you can't keep OP.
IMO if it bothers her that much she should walk now not drag out the punishment needlessly.

She tells you who you can't talk to???

I'm sorry i have no constructive advice for such controlling behavior, can't tell you how to fix something i don't believe you broke.

I had a bf like that once, it didn't end pretty.

Will say this though, think before you agree / promise in future.

Wow? Really? No, I am not a feminazi and I wouldn't be saying that on the flip side, he is controlling her. Did you miss the part about how the OP's girl said she didn't feel comfortable with him talking to her? Its not like the OP's girl said don't talk to ANY women, she said don't talk to THIS woman!

But ok, OP, if you want to play with fire and make "friends" with one of your girls "frenemies", you are playing with fire. Your girl will see you as the enemy.

Do you understand the concept of frenemies? You make friends with one of your GF's "frenemies" and WHOA be prepared for WWIII. Seriously.

I don't know why this was turned into a feminazi discussion. Seriously. Its not about control. Its about respect. And if you think you can go around associating with whomever you want "just because you can"....I wish you luck b/c the real world oftentimes doesn't work like this!

I can promise if I put up a post saying my fella wouldn't allow me to speak to someone. There would be all kinds of remarks about control and abuse.(I never suggested you golden,was I was merely taking the other perspective.)
He spoke to her online. They didn't go for coffee.
Or Fk.
And no guys don't get the frenemy thing. Cos they either like someone and hang with them. Or they don't, and don't.

They don't play all this social politics b.s.
This is why I, as a rule, don't get involved with women as friends.
If she didn't want him to speak to her all she can reasonably do is ASK him not to, and explain why. That's it, that's all you get.

No one has the right to command who I speak to, or you speak to.
And social "games" gets old real quick.
That's how the real world works, and its something you realise as you get older. If someone is going to be unfaithful no amount of restrictions will stop them.And if you don't like how someone acts around you don't hang with th and pretend to be friends.
I guess I just take a straight forward approach to things. I find it makes life a lot less complicated.

If you think you can tell people who they can't talk to just because...that is definitely outside the realms of the real world.

I find it weird that she didn't tell you why you shouldn't talk with her.. there must be a reason, right? I'm sorry for what happened.

Excellent post!

Agree to disagree or disagree to agree.

Blocked.

I really don't take kindly to people insinuating I'm a feminazi when I'm anything but. If it feels good to throw that label around, all the more power to you as I won't be able to see your insults toward me.

She didn't tell him. She asked him.

Either way, it's disrespectful to ignore.

And I must agree with being witness to much hypocrisy on the relationship forum....

The reasoning is because said girl had once tried to oust my girlfriend from their friend group, and has treated her badly in the past. My girlfriend doesn't trust her. But every time I see them out and about socially (I'm also a member of this friend group at this point), there seems to be no animosity there. They're always tagging eachother in stupid Facebook videos and engaging in perfectly polite conversation, online or otherwise. Two weeks ago I went to meet my girlfriend for happy hour and it was the two of them there at the bar. Nobody else. So because of this I really didn't think it was a big deal. My girlfriend has had no qualms about me talking to any other women in this group, just this one. I've even hung out with her friends independently of her multiple times. But this is a dealbreaker? I just don't get it.

You don't get it because, imho, she is being unreasonable.

What Bill said ^

@OP: Your girlfriend is irrational but you ignored her and went behind her back after agreeing not to talk to her friend. You both need to talk about this and agree on things mutually and commit. Relationships are commitment. If you value your freedom more, then you don't have to commit to this relationship if she persists.

Defo what stranger said. It's time to make your mind up. Just remember though, if you stay you know the deal, don't agree to things without really thinking about if it's reasonable or realistic.
It's a classic case of do as I say, not as I do.

@sophiesmom, agreed, and he also agreed to it, so it's all on the OP in that respect.

To the OP, All the best,whatever you decide.Good luck.