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#1
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Hello... I came across this forum and hope to meet some people that have my issues and hopefully I will be able to get out of this terrible place.
I am 38 years old and I feel as if I have a serious issue with commitment. BUT WHY? I have had relationships before in my early 20s and never had this issue. Once I hit about 25 I decided to be single... And enjoy life. Which I really did. At the age of 28 something tragic happened and my father passed away. I found him in my back yard... He had a heart attack. I am only saying this because it is a good time frame of where things fall into place. Since my father passed away I can't seem to get close to someone... I don't know if it has to do with his death or something else. My therapist doesn't want me to focus so much on that. The first girl after my father passed I proposed to pretty much just because I felt like it was the right thing to do. The day after I proposed I felt an amazing amount of anxiety and I decided to call the wedding off a few months later. I even felt this anxiety before, but pulled out and wound up going back to her. This happened a few times. The following girl was more of a physical relationship. We saw each other about once a week and the Sex was great, but that was it. My recent relationship was with a girl I went to HS with. I was very much hung up on the fact that I was dating one of the popular girls in High School. She had a daughter which I got along with very well, but our relationship didn't work out because of my anxiety. My issues is that this is something I want so bad. (a meaningful relationship and hopefully lead into marriage and a family)... It hurst me so much that I can not figure this out. This has been going on for the last 10 years or so. It is so frustrating... I have my life together very well. I have a great job, a beautiful home and a business on the side... I even have a boat I bought last year... I don't think that matters, but on paper I have it all. But my anxiety gets in the way. I love the excitement of meeting someone with potential. I am on the dating sites to only be disappointed... But sometimes I do meet a great person and I still back out. Try this on for size and hopefully some of you out there can help me... Once I spend a long period of time with someone the anxiety sets in. Since my father passed away (now I only use this as a time frame) I have not been able to enjoy one vacation away. NOT ONE...(prior to my fathers death I was away on a vacation with someone and these feelings were not there... I was about 23 at that time) You should enjoy this time with the person you are with and I don't. All I do is withdraw and its the worst feeling ever when its something I want so bad. I love women and I do enjoy being sexually active with them, but when things get serious as far as being together for maybe just a period of more than 24 hours I get all messed up and fall into a depression. A deep depression. I never thought I would write in one of these, but I would like to know if anyone has experienced this and maybe can help me through this terrible journey I have been on. I want to be able to feel free and not worry anymore. I am in therapy and it is helping... Or maybe I just didn't meet the right person for me... I don't know. But I want HAPPINESS and I just haven't had much in a long time. Im sad and don't want to be alone forever. Please help |
![]() Anonymous37894, Skeezyks
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#2
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Hello YankeeFan23: I'm sorry I cannot be of help with your concern. However since this is your first post here on PC
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#3
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Were you able to fully grieve the death of your father? I mean FULLY grieve....
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#4
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I was about to ask the same thing as Golden.
Did you grieve. Did experience the full range of emotions? Cos it must have been a hell of a shock. Thing is, whilst this may not have a direct association with what your going through. It's possible you have made a subconscious connection, over this period which keeps getting triggered. I find it really odd that your therapist hast deliberately ignored this as possible cause for your anxiety. Was there anything else going on for you around that time? Something you may have forgotten or put to the side because of the passing of your father? Sorry, I am sure you have racked your brain a hundred times, thinking all this through. Wish I had something more to offer than vague notions. All the best, and keep working on it. Involve yourself in stuff you love doing and try not to dwell on it too much. As you know these things become self fulfilling prophecies when anxiety is concerned.
__________________
I Don't Care What You Think Of Me...I Don't Think Of You At All.CoCo Chanel. |
#5
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I was 25 when my father and brother died, I pushed my bf away too, multiple times, and didn't even know why.
Figured out I've never had a fear of commitment though, I'm scared to death of committing and then losing my bf... Slowly accepting that loss is just part of my life and I can't avoid it. |
![]() Anonymous59898, Bill3
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#6
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Quote:
Just look at the part that I mention about not being comfortable with someone after maybe even a day. And can not even go on an enjoyable Vacation with someone. Its honestly terrible... I just keep asking myself. WHY... Thanks for the reply. |
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