EDIT: This is more sensitivity/anxiety-based.

I've been going through great changes lately, yet I feel I am going backwards when it comes to friendships.
I have one close friend, and he had a birthday 2 weeks ago. I only remembered about it this weekend.
Today I met with him at a bar. At the end of our meeting, I apologized for forgetting his birthday and offered and insisted that I pay for everything. I wished him some positive wishes.
When we went off, he thanked me for this. Yet something in my heart feels pain from this. On one had, I felt it was needed. I wanted to remember his birthday. I wanted to "fix" the past.
On the other hand, my heart tells me "there's really no meaning to birthdays. They are just dates...".
It seems as I have gone more superficial if not more caring.

I've been behaving with more impulse lately, that I can tell. It's to make up for holding some feelings for so long and listening to intuitions rather than always hold myself back, as it makes me feel I won't go anywhere that way...

This is more therapist material, but our meeting was today, so I have a week ahead of me.

I have mixed feelings. It feels like what I did brings the relationship far from each other because of acting more superficially. I feel down from this.

[Skeezyks]

Hello V... O...: Well... I don't know... from what you wrote it sounds to me as though your gesture was sincere & appropriate. I'm not sure what more one could do. Yes, you forgot your friend's birthday. These things happen. The important thing here, at least from my perspective, is that you made a sincere effort to acknowledge your oversight & to make an apologetic gesture. From where I sit, this is to be celebrated!

I personally don't celebrate, or even acknowledge, my birthday. (You won't see my birthdate listed on my profile page.) There was a nonsectarian Indian mystic named Ramana Maharshi who supposedly said: "Celebrating birthdays is like throwing flowers on a corpse." I know birthdays are important to most people. But with regard to my own, that is the perspective I maintain.

I think that impulsivity & "reservedness" are sort-of the two ends of a continuum. I know in my own case I'm pretty far over toward the "reservedness" end at this point in my life. Perhaps it's my age. It hasn't always been that way. Over the years, I've done some breathtakingly impulsive things. It often didn't work out well. I think a large part of what life ends up being about is trying to find & maintain oneself more-or-less around the center of the impulsivity / "reservedness" continuum. It's what the Buddha called the middle way...

[s4ndm4n2006]

when it comes to others' birthdays we should recognize and respect how valuable they are to the other person, not our own values. What I mean is, a good friend, even if they don't feel birthdays are important will go out of their way for the friend that feels they are because after all it's a celebration of their personal birthday and being a friend is about giving something to others. So it should not be a dilemma in your mind. If you were to tell a friend that you didn't give them something or call them or what not because you don't find birthdays important, it's risking making them feel like you are telling them their values are not important.

You didn't do that, but just forgot it, and I think your gesture was commendable and probably appreciated by them.

I think that your issue is likely something you should work out with your therapist though, like you said.

Thanks for the very kind and informative replies.
Everything is well with him. He's even contacted me more than usual this week.
I'm going through a major phase, so I get all sorts of feelings. Today was a horrible day.
I'll see how things go from here.

Like Skeezyks said you handled the situation very well, and i think your friend should be very grateful for someone like you. Dont push yourself to hard about forgetting it initially we all do that at one point in our life. Now its time to move on, and im sorry you had a bad day. I hope things will get better.