[cherryberry]

So, to make a long story short, my 21 year old daughter used to live with me and her younger sister, who is unemployed. We used to put our wages from work together to pay the bills and get necessities. However, we fell into a bad situation financially. I left to another state to get married, and she stayed behind to live with her dad, with whom I'm divorced.
I filed my daughter's taxes for her and added myself and her younger sister as a dependent. I'd figured we'd get a couple of thousand and we'd agreed we'd divide the refund three ways. However, it turned out the refund would be only a hundred dollars. So I added her younger brother, my youngest kid, as a dependent (he turned 18 this January) and the amount increased to 2,219. Afterwards, I let my daughter know I'd done that and that I'd be dividing it four ways now. She'd let me have her Netspend card when I left to another state. She'd had some pay from a part time side job that was supposed to be coming to that card, so she'd let me take it along so I could get and use the money. The tax refund was going to go to that card, and from there, I was going to send one fourth of it to her PayPal and one fourth to her brother and the rest would be for my younger daughter and myself. So she said ok.
Today, however, she contacted me saying that her father wasn't happy that we had claimed her younger brother without his permission because he has taken care of him for the past couple of years, not me. She said she and her father were requesting that I send 1,500 dollars of the refund to the checking account she currently uses. From there they said he would send me 1,000 through child support to me so he could get his driver's license, leaving her with the 500 I'd promised her. I said I had every right to file my youngest child because of the child support my ex owes me from when they were under 18 and has not paid to me. The tax money should be money for my children and myself, not him after his failure to pay child support. My daughter makes excuses for him, saying he's struggling financially, but I don't trust him to send the 1,000 because of all the child support he's failed to pay. She said she would personally send it to me and I said I felt that he might find some way of stopping her from sending it. She quietly said ok. Later on, however, I received a nasty message from her saying that we were in the wrong to claim her younger brother because we didnt take care of him, that it was her father's money since we'd used somebody he'd taken care of and it was her tax return and that I hadn't respected her wishes about her tax return by not sending the 1500. She said I'm taking the money I got by claiming her younger brother and saying it's because I'm owed child support, but yet her dad will continue to owe as much child support as before and I'm in the wrong for that. She said she does not want me filing her taxes anymore or using anymore of her information for anything, and not to do anything else in her name. The refund was deposited a half hour after she sent me that message, but when I tried to withdraw money, I was unable to. It seems she blocked the card or did something. She changed the password to her Turbotax so that I cannot get in. She's ignored my calls and messages. I dont know what theyre going to do with that money or whether they're going to send me anything at this point.
I dont know whether it was my ex that put her up to this, but when your own child basically turns cold, nasty and stabs you in the back, your ex is hateful, the man you are married to treats you poorly, your two sons don't give a *** about you or whether you are dead or alive, what do you do? Just give up and wait for God to call you back? Should I give up on ever having anybody to love pr care for me? I dont know what I did to deserve this, but maybe this is my cross to bear.

[QueenCopper]

I am sorry this is a very sticky situation. I hope you all are able to reach an agreement. (((Hugs))). You don't give up. You keep fighting because you are strong! Everyone deserves to be loved and cared about. You did not have to do anything to deserve this...some times things just fall the wrong way for us.

[cherryberry]

�� thanks.

[Trippin2.0]

Why are you currently married to a man who treats you poorly?

[seesaw]

Cherryberry,

You can't file a fraudulent tax return to try and collect on child support owed to you by your ex-husband. If I were your daughter I would be upset as well, because you are putting me in a legally harmful situation, in which she could end up having to do jail time. Tax fraud is considered a felony.

Absolutely you are entitled to the child support your ex is behind on, but you do not have the right to go all vigilante and take that money however you see fit.

Your daughter had absolutely every right to change her TurboTax password and block you from her personal information. She is an adult, and she has a right to privacy. You do not have a right to everything that is hers. I do not understand why she is sending you money in the first place. You are the parent, she is the child. She has no responsibility to take care of you.

I'm not sure how it's nasty for her to tell you to no longer use her personal information. She's setting a boundary with you, as she has tried in the past with asking you to not speak poorly of her father, which you have ignored (according to your previous posts). I wouldn't call that nasty, it's just being assertive on her part to take ownership of her own life.

I suggest that you go through the courts to retrieve the child support you are due, and refrain from illegal actions to obtain money. And I suggest you look into free counseling in your area or women's support groups or maybe a church support group to help you with the emotional issues you are having. From your statements it sounds like you are really suffering and no amount of posting here on PC or chatting with us in chat will help you truly recover and get that happiness you are seeking. You need support and guidance from people in real life who can help you achieve new perspectives and purpose.

Seesaw

Yes, I'm concerned about the legality of the tax situation. Claiming children that aren't actually your dependents is fraudulant. They would have to be living with you free of rent and utilities, etc.

[cherryberry]

This is not a support group, it's a forum filled with judgemental and hateful individuals.

[cherryberry]

How is it that a man can avoid paying child support for years, but if I add my own child as a dependent to my other child's tax return, I'm the bad guy?

[Apokolips]

Because claiming someone as a dependent to someone when they aren't is a felony. Telling you that you are breaking the law is not judgemental and hateful, its reality and your daughter had every right to be angry you tried to commit a felony in her name.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by cherryberry

How is it that a man can avoid paying child support for years, but if I add my own child as a dependent to my other child's tax return, I'm the bad guy?

Cherryberry, no one said that a man avoiding paying child support is okay. You are both in the wrong. And two wrongs do not make a right, they just make two wrongs.

You are not "the bad guy." No one said you are a bad person or a "bad guy." But you do need to realize the ramifications of what you are doing for the sake of getting back at your ex. There are legal consequences to breaking the law, in this case, filing fraudulent tax returns.

I get it. You are hurting, you are in pain. You have been hurt by people in the past, you feel let down by your family. I'm sorry you are going through all of this, and sorry you have had so much hardship in your life. But acting out of spite towards your ex and towards your daughter is not the way you will heal.

We are just trying to get you to open your eyes with regards to your daughter so you don't completely destroy your relationship with her.

Nothing here is said out of hate or desire to hurt you. We are all rooting for you and wish you the best.

Seesaw

[scorpiosis37]

Your intentions may have been good, but you committed fraud in her name. She is the one who would be in trouble if it's found out, not you. If you have a child support issue with your ex, that needs to stay between you, your ex, and the courts. It's not okay to drag your daughter into it. Really, your kids should not even be told about your financial matters with your ex. Those are issues for the parents, not the kids. If you want to mend your relationship with your daughter, simply apologize and let her know you won't have anything to do with her taxes in the future. If she's the primary breadwinner, it's also her taxes and her refund. I don't understand why the unemployed sister or the brother being fraduantly claimed would be getting part of that money in the first place. Let her choose how to handle the refund and don't put her in the middle between you and your ex in the future. Take him to court if you need to; you are owed the child support.

[cherryberry]

You know what, fine. I'll take it up with God and we'll see who He thinks is in the wrong, me, a desperate impoverished mother and wife, or my ex and this corrupt government.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by cherryberry

You know what, fine. I'll take it up with God and we'll see who He thinks is in the wrong, me, a desperate impoverished mother and wife, or my ex and this corrupt government.

Cherryberry, you are completely missing the point. Did you really want to know if you were in the wrong or not? Because we've been trying to provide support but all you seem to want to hear is that you have done no evil and are better than your ex.

God may decide things in the end, but during life, your daughter is going to have to deal with YOUR illegal actions. Can you wrap your head around that?

Does being desperate and impoverished allow you to use your daughter the way you do? What about what you've done to your daughter? Or does none of that matter as long as it hurts your ex in the end and he has to pay?

You are going to lose your daughter because all you care about is getting back at your ex and not the emotional well-being of your kids.

Please get some professional help. I am sure there are some free services that you can access in your town.

Seesaw

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by cherryberry

You know what, fine. I'll take it up with God and we'll see who He thinks is in the wrong, me, a desperate impoverished mother and wife, or my ex and this corrupt government.

Also, my understanding of God is that all sin is equal. So you are both sinners in his eyes.

Just saying.

[cherryberry]

My daughter wouldn't get in legal trouble. Even she admitted her dad wouldn't take action against her, as she nastily told me how I'd have been in legal trouble had I filed a tax return with my son on it in my name. So all of the arguments about whether I was wrong are invalid. I wasn't morally wrong and my daughter would not get in trouble.

It is your daughter's tax return. If the IRS decides to audit and finds against her, it will be her legal problem, not yours. You've put her in a potential legal predicament with the government.

Bottom line is that I hope you can keep your children out of the middle of your conflicts with your husband. Those financial issues need not be any of their concern at all.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by cherryberry

My daughter wouldn't get in legal trouble. Even she admitted her dad wouldn't take action against her, as she nastily told me how I'd have been in legal trouble had I filed a tax return with my son on it in my name. So all of the arguments about whether I was wrong are invalid. I wasn't morally wrong and my daughter would not get in trouble.

That simply isn't true. Not only is it morally wrong, but your daughter CAN get in legal trouble EVEN IF no one in your family reports it. Anyone could report it-- friends, neighbors, landlords, etc Or the government could discover the fraud by accident because your son's address happened to be on a medical bill or school form or other document-- and it is not your daughter's address. Or they could find out his father paid a medical bill or school bill for your son, and questions about his support could come up. Or your daughter could simply be chosen at random for an audit. Or questions could come up because she didnt claim him last year and doesn't claim him next year-- and it simply looks strange that she only claimed him for one year. Or, a question could get raised when she gets audited five years from now. Think this doesn't happen? It does. All the time. My dad was audited for something about his business a couple of years ago (which he had done correctly, but for whatever reason they wanted to verify it) and he had to prove the accuracy of not just that year's taxes but 20 years of back taxes, including his support of me and my sister. He was digging up school tuition bills from when I was in jr. high and I'm now in my 30s! Luckily, all his taxes were legitimate. But if they hadn't been, it could have been BIG trouble. Tax fraud is not a misdemeanor. It's a felony.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by cherryberry

My daughter wouldn't get in legal trouble. Even she admitted her dad wouldn't take action against her, as she nastily told me how I'd have been in legal trouble had I filed a tax return with my son on it in my name. So all of the arguments about whether I was wrong are invalid. I wasn't morally wrong and my daughter would not get in trouble.

It's really sad that you can only see this as what has been done to you, and you refuse to see what you are doing to your daughter.

I don't know why you think committing a crime isn't morally wrong. I made a simple mistake on my taxes last year that I got caught on. Fortunately I just had to pay a penalty for the mistake and the amount I owed because of the mistake. You think they won't catch this oddity in her claiming her brother? Well, let's hope not. Defrauding the government is morally wrong. Trying to play the system so you get more than you're owed by filing illegally for taxes (which you have done) is morally wrong.

The money your daughter is getting back from her taxes is not money that was her father's. It was the tax payers. So you are stealing money from other tax payers to get back at your husband. Explain to me how that's okay?

But forget all that. What is it you want us to say to you? You came here and asked if you were in the wrong. The answer from most of us has been, yes, you were wrong to file her taxes and claim your son as her dependent as it's fraudulent. What is it exactly that you want to hear from us? What kind of support are you looking for? What can we tell you that will help you emotionally get beyond this?

Good luck.

Seesaw