[Shadix]

As I have mentioned before, my brother is really charismatic and fun and he gets a lot of positive attention because of that. Me, I am more the boring, socially awkward type.

Well, something I have been picking up on recently is that my brother seems to have a really contemptious, disparaging attitude towards those who are, like me, boring and socially awkward. I do not want to go into specifics for privacy reasons, but the gist of it is that he is always going on tirades against people whom he perceives as trying to be cool and interesting when they are actually not. It seems as though he has some weird disdain for the idea that someone wants to improve their self image. As someone who is boring and socially awkward and does seek to be more cool and interesting, I find this sort of disturbing. I also don't understand it. I always find myself sympathizing with the "underdog" or the less fortunate person and I would think most people would feel the same way. What would cause someone to harbor this kind of contempt for people simply because he perceives them as being inferior?

[VanGore28]

I have some issues with a sibling who is a lot different from me. Well, its not me but everyone used to think he had a good "energy" about him, as he was much more out going and happy go lucky compared to me the introspective, shy and troubled one. He was also the handsome one, I was never a looker till I changed in late teens, not that I am exactly beautiful but I get attention from the opposite sex. I think my sibling and all his friends would label me a weirdo.
I remember my real dad also commenting on a friend I had saying I would never be as good at sport as her as she had more energy and was much more outgoing.
But my sibling has and is currently having his own mental health struggle, and needs his medication adjusted - its depression. My ailments have been much more serious but I worry about him a bit. He has a family and mortgage and decent job. I really hope he will be okay.
I guess when it comes to family all you can do is agree to disagree. I get on with my sibling but I wont go round to his house for a drink or we cant talk about our problems that's a no go.
I maybe used to get a bit jealous of my sibling growing up. He had girlfriends and was popular. But it doesn't matter how many friends you have, its the quality of the relationship.

Insecurity?

Some of us just aren't afraid to admit we are insecure!

[VanGore28]

How did you manage to answer with one word hopingtrying. well done, take a bow

[Shadix]

Originally Posted by VanGore28

I have some issues with a sibling who is a lot different from me. Well, its not me but everyone used to think he had a good "energy" about him, as he was much more out going and happy go lucky compared to me the introspective, shy and troubled one. He was also the handsome one, I was never a looker till I changed in late teens, not that I am exactly beautiful but I get attention from the opposite sex. I think my sibling and all his friends would label me a weirdo.
I remember my real dad also commenting on a friend I had saying I would never be as good at sport as her as she had more energy and was much more outgoing.
But my sibling has and is currently having his own mental health struggle, and needs his medication adjusted - its depression. My ailments have been much more serious but I worry about him a bit. He has a family and mortgage and decent job. I really hope he will be okay.
I guess when it comes to family all you can do is agree to disagree. I get on with my sibling but I wont go round to his house for a drink or we cant talk about our problems that's a no go.
I maybe used to get a bit jealous of my sibling growing up. He had girlfriends and was popular. But it doesn't matter how many friends you have, its the quality of the relationship.

Yup, sounds exactly like my brother and I. He is super charismatic and people tend to like him. His disparaging rhetoric is typically directed towards males who are "undesirable" by mainstream standards(socially awkward, lame, unintelligent, "creepy", etc.). Since girls and "cool" guys tend to have no problem with this, he doesn't face any social backlash for it.

[Shadix]

Originally Posted by Hopingtrying

Insecurity?

Some of us just aren't afraid to admit we are insecure!

Funny, he is always disparaging people by referring to them "insecure" and "awkward". This is one of the things that really gets to me. He talks as if it is something they deserve to be shamed for. It even seems to me like he is put off by it when such people are given any positive attention. It's so weird, I don't know if it's a sort of jealousy thing where he feels threatened, or if it is some ideological belief in "maintaining the hierarchy".

[Shadix]

What also baffles me is how he is always calling people out for trying to be cool, interesting, fun, etc. when they are not, yet pretty much EVERYTHING HE DOES is him trying to be cool, interesting fun, etc. How can you shame people for wanting the same thing you already have???

To me the keyword is 'perceives' in your original post.

It is simply his perception, and his opinion based on that.

What is considered cool, funny, interesting etc very much depends on the perception of the individual.

If I were you I would remind myself that it's simply his opinion, nothing more or less. Maybe limit your time around him if he annoys you.

Originally Posted by Shadix

Funny, he is always disparaging people by referring to them "insecure" and "awkward". This is one of the things that really gets to me. He talks as if it is something they deserve to be shamed for. It even seems to me like he is put off by it when such people are given any positive attention. It's so weird, I don't know if it's a sort of jealousy thing where he feels threatened, or if it is some ideological belief in "maintaining the hierarchy".

Shadix--I think of it as two sides of the same coin. Your brother is determined to not think of himself as insecure by overcompensating and burying the feelings whereas, we just feel our insecurities. We'd like to be confident, but know that, in some situations, we just aren't.

[VanGore28]

I had a friend who seemed to look down on me because i was into "geeky" things. And another thought i listened to "boys music"
Nothing wrong with not fitting into the crowd. Be true to yourself.
Your bro has a high opinion of himself albeit he does sound insecure which should offer some consolation or show a chink in his armour
But yeah sometimes i wish i had a little bit of such n suchs confidence but i don't want to be them per se

[Talthybius]

Again?

.

[Shadix]

The sad thing is it isn't just him. Many of his friends seem to agree with his sentiments on facebook. It seems as if public opinion is turning against socially awkward "uncool" people, and more people are starting to look at us with contempt instead of sympathy. It is pretty scary. This is probably why I am becoming disillusioned with people in general.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by Shadix

The sad thing is it isn't just him. Many of his friends seem to agree with his sentiments on facebook. It seems as if public opinion is turning against socially awkward "uncool" people, and more people are starting to look at us with contempt instead of sympathy. It is pretty scary. This is probably why I am becoming disillusioned with people in general.

These so called "cool" ones are merely mirroring a narcissist (and cruel) culture. If you are turning away in disgust and feel disillusioned I say congratulations! Use your solitude to strengthen yourself and then determine what kind of people you want to associate with and seek them out.

The ultimate in coolness is someone who is compassionate and wise. I think that is the path you are traveling on. I respect you.

[Erebos]

Originally Posted by Talthybius

Again?

.

Yup. Afraid so.
Shad hon, stop obsessing over your brother,it can't be good for you.

(Well, wasn't that an exercise in a vindictive response. I just deleted a novella of a rant about my own brother.)

Long, long ago I learned that I couldn't win and that it was necessary for me to ignore my brother and get on with my own life. My happiness is not dependent on his acceptance of me nor other people's comparisons. If people do choose to do so at your cost then they aren't worth your time and it is no loss to you.