[KLaz]

It started as 3 months in a full leg cast for me last year. Grandmother almost dying a week before my wedding. Got cast off 3 weeks prior to wedding. Confusing emotions and dislike for stepchild. A suicide attempt. hubby acting shady, not coming home, not answering my calls or text. Then him having a young stalker. Finding out he may have fathered a child at 17. Then major divorce inducing fight where he said things. Unspeakable things that he apologized for and swept under the rug. I have not recovered. We haven't even got to the hell which was Christmas. Then some bloodwork scares recently for him. I'm trying to hold on for dear life. Not even sex is happening. I'm confused about what he wants though he says he wants me for the rest of his life. Our lives together but there are so many mixed messages. Idk. I could just be having BPD moments here. UGH. My head spins and spins. It's stuck in the mud. Why can't I just accept what he says at face value? He tells me he loves me everyday. Shows me most days. The last fight just shook me up so bad I'm confused.

[Skeezyks]

[eskielover]

Sometimes our gut feelings tell us what our logical mind doesnt want to hear. I dont have BPD so I have learned that my gut feelings of something not being ok are USUALLY RIGHT & am learning to listen to that voice because it has been proved right more times than not. Sometimes you need to listen to the gut feelings. I didnt to begin with because of the dysfunctionsl people I lived around. I would logic away my gut feel. Then I realized just how bad the dysfunction was & just because it was NORMAL in a dysfunctional life, it was anything but normal in a functional life....& i was struggling with my normalness surrounded by dysfunction that kept telling me it was normal....yea, only normal in a dysfunctional persons life.

In other words....ANALYZE YIUR CONCERNS using your wise mind.

[Bill3]

Why can't I just accept what he says at face value?

Because of this:

major divorce inducing fight where he said things. Unspeakable things that he apologized for and swept under the rug. I have not recovered.

*****

He tells me he loves me everyday. Shows me most days.

But what is he showing you when it is not "most days"? Is he showing you behavior such as:

hubby acting shady, not coming home, not answering my calls or text.

*****

The last fight just shook me up so bad I'm confused.

Of course you are confused: His mixed messages are massively confusing and disorienting.

I could just be having BPD moments here.

I doubt that given what you say about his behavior.

*****

Why do you suppose there is no sex right now?

Originally Posted by KLaz

It started as 3 months in a full leg cast for me last year. Grandmother almost dying a week before my wedding. Got cast off 3 weeks prior to wedding. Confusing emotions and dislike for stepchild. A suicide attempt. hubby acting shady, not coming home, not answering my calls or text. Then him having a young stalker. Finding out he may have fathered a child at 17. Then major divorce inducing fight where he said things. Unspeakable things that he apologized for and swept under the rug. I have not recovered. We haven't even got to the hell which was Christmas. Then some bloodwork scares recently for him. I'm trying to hold on for dear life. Not even sex is happening. I'm confused about what he wants though he says he wants me for the rest of his life. Our lives together but there are so many mixed messages. Idk. I could just be having BPD moments here. UGH. My head spins and spins. It's stuck in the mud. Why can't I just accept what he says at face value? He tells me he loves me everyday. Shows me most days. The last fight just shook me up so bad I'm confused.

Most of these are not "normal" things, though. Some are life-altering things....

I'm glad you posted your concerns. Sometimes, when we're IN something...well, we don't know if we're overreacting.

If I was in your position I would want couples counselling in order to feel as if I had some control over my life. Is that an option?

[eskielover]

In other words....ANALYZE YIUR CONCERNS using your wise mind.

That would be EXACTLY what Bill3 laid out for you.... thank you Bill