[AutumnLeaves65]

Hi everyone.... looking to get some insight on my situation......

Hi all I am new to this forum and am looking for some advice and opinions please...

I am really starting to believe my man who I've been living with since June of 2016 and been with for 1o months, isn't over his ex and may have been cheating on me with her throughout the entire time of us being together.
There was major drama that went down on New Years , unexpected drama. One of my friends is friends with my mans ex. They talked and apparently my friend ( whos name is Mike) told me he had some things that he felt I needed to know. He told me he was still involved with his ex ( Sara). My bf told me that it was all lies and that he stopped seeing her in May2016..but we made things official in April of 2016. That's all that he admitted to. So I told Mike that if she didn't have concrete proof that I am going to stay with my man and continue on with our relationship because I thought it was solid. Well.... she contacts me on FB to let me know of the concrete proof... at that point, me and my man were kind of over. She told me these times where they were out together and hooked up over at her apartment. She said they'd go out on their lunch breaks to hook up or just have lunch.

She said that he bought her a couch and a table My man denies it and says they've only been friendly and they'd just talk about things going on in their lives so of course she knows about events that went on in his life. He feels that shes just mad because he chose me over her. She told me that he took her to his friends/Coworkers birthday party.....this I can believe..... see I had a show to do that day. But we were going to be celebrating our 5 month anniversary after my show was done at 6pm. Well he ended up going to that birthday party.... little did I know, he was actually there with HER. The worst part about all of this was that he was with her the next day and I offered up the money I made from the show for him. He said he didn't need it. But later asks for $1000 but I had already spent the money on bills. He was mad and said he'd ask the ex.

She also said that there were times he'd go through her phone. All of these things had me wondering if all this were true. I have to admit, that I had suspected him of cheating, long before, all this drama happened. So I'm trying to staying and hope for things to get better but they seem to get worse.

So the mutual friend, texts me and asks how I am doing, I tell him that I am still shakened up by things but doing a little better. He tells me that he ex told him that she received a phone call from a private number and they suspected it may have been the ex trying to get ahold of her.. that wasn't any proof so I tried to dismiss it. I couldn't keep it in so I confronted my man about it. He denied it like he denied everything else. He calls the ex and tells her off and tells her to stop starting drama. He calls her a slut and ***** according to her. She told me that she didn't intend for me to find out about the private call as it wasn't anything concrete ( I did tell her that should he contact her to let me know) and for me to just ignore the friend from here on out. But I find out through her, that as she and I are in contact, she receives a call from my man.... she asked me why he was calling her. I was livid because he had told me the day before that he SWORE he would block her and wouldn't be in touch with her. Then I find out that????? She said it was to apologize. Of course I confront him, he said it was to apologize and end it all. Later she tells me that he's calling her a lying ***** and wants to send these sex videos of those 2 ( when they were in a relationship) to our mutual friend and other men. I don't know what to think about that.
Does anyone feel like I should be worried? Is he still in love with his ex? Should I believe he's gone crazy? Do you all feel that he will try and reach out to her again? Or will he leave her alone and respect our relationship?

[Bill3]

I do not know what he is going to do.

As to whether or not you should be worried. Well, it depends on what sort of evidence you are willing to accept. If you have to have "concrete proof", then in my opinion you will need to find that on your own, without relying on the claims of others. If on the other hand you are willing to listen to your own feelings, gut, intuition: what are they telling you?

[AutumnLeaves65]

Originally Posted by Bill3

I do not know what he is going to do.

As to whether or not you should be worried. Well, it depends on what sort of evidence you are willing to accept. If you have to have "concrete proof", then in my opinion you will need to find that on your own, without relying on the claims of others. If on the other hand you are willing to listen to your own feelings, gut, intuition: what are they telling you?

My feelings are telling me that he will try and get back into her good graces and contact her again. The ex did tell me she had the concrete proof but told me that those messages were too horrible for me to read and she didn't feel comfortable with sending them to me.....

[Bill3]

What do your feelings tell you to do with regard to your relationship with him? How much do you feel treasured, loved, and safe, how much do you trust him?

[AutumnLeaves65]

I feel angry, hurt, and in so much pain. Everything in me is telling me I should leave. I guess I need to feel that I am truly, genuinely loved by him as well as him not feeling love for the ex. Weird but, when he was so upset with the ex, it made me feel like maybe I was all his for once.

[~Christina]

The fact that he admitted he had taken her to this birthday party would honestly make me walk away.

Why did he ask you for 1000.00? That's not a "whoops I overspent " and need gas or whatever for the week, that puzzles me, it's a large amount.

I wonder the motives of his ex to be honest. What's all this back and forth with your male friend Mike and this ex ? Weird

If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck .....

Welcome to PC

[divine1966]

It sounds like he is dating two women all along . She isn't ex since he is dating her as well as you. I think you deserve better. He asked you for 1k? Oh gee. I am glad you didn't give it to him. I think he is bad news. Do you think you might want to leave him? Might be a good idea

[AutumnLeaves65]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

The fact that he admitted he had taken her to this birthday party would honestly make me walk away.

[/B]yes I was not at all please about it when she told me that. we were supposed to celebrate our 5month anniversary...little did I know he was with her
Why did he ask you for 1000.00? That's not a "whoops I overspent " and need gas or whatever for the week, that puzzles me, it's a large amount.

I had originally volunteered to give him the money I earned from a jewelry show, he didn't need but did need it the following week by 12 pm...never specified why.... maybe fore the rental property we were renovating at the time.

I wonder the motives of his ex to be honest. What's all this back and forth with your male friend Mike and this ex ? Weird

I questioned her motives early on until she advised me to ignore Mikes texts so I just blocked him. She felt like Mike was trying to break me and my bf up. She didn't like how he voluntarily, brought up to me that she received a private number and suspected it was the ex. She said that had she actually thought it was him, she would have told me herself but she felt no need.

If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck .....

Welcome to PC

Originally Posted by divine1966

It sounds like he is dating two women all along . She isn't ex since he is dating her as well as you. I think you deserve better. He asked you for 1k? Oh gee. I am glad you didn't give it to him. I think he is bad news. Do you think you might want to leave him? Might be a good idea

Yes. I guess I hold out the hope that he will actually do right. This last instance with the way he handled things, was alarming. like I said up above, I was actually relieved that he had so much disdain for the ex because I am seriously threatened by her. And when I found out he called and apologized to her, let me feel like he still has feelings for her[B]

[Bill3]

What do you think of listening to the roar inside that is saying you should leave?

[AutumnLeaves65]

To actually do it.

Can I ask you a question?

Why do you believe that you need to settle for a man who does this kind of stuff to you?

Why do you not believe deep down in your soul that you deserve better?

(And this is from the germaphobe in me) Why are you subjecting yourself to God-only-knows what kind of diseases, some of which may cause you to become sterile, some of which may render you infertile?

I really don't understand why you're putting yourself at such risk for this guy who doesn't love you and doesn't respect you.

[AutumnLeaves65]

Originally Posted by Anonymous37894

Can I ask you a question?

Why do you believe that you need to settle for a man who does this kind of stuff to you?

Why do you not believe deep down in your soul that you deserve better?

(And this is from the germaphobe in me) Why are you subjecting yourself to God-only-knows what kind of diseases, some of which may cause you to become sterile, some of which may render you infertile?

I really don't understand why you're putting yourself at such risk for this guy who doesn't love you and doesn't respect you.

Hey Anonymous,

I have to admit that I do question my sanity everyday as to why I stay with him. There are so many times that he can be so sweet and so loving to me. But then there are times when I am just thinking he is only with me because of money. But I rest on those "sweet and loving" moments. I know in my heart of hearts, that I deserve better..

The amount of things he's done to me should be a bell in my head that I need to leave him but my gosh, sometimes I think he'll just RUN back to that ex and I truly do not want that at all.

I will say that I know he's cheated on me, and was hoping that he and I can move forward ( though he still denies everything, I know in my heart it's not true). I just hope for the best with him, and I am trying in every way to make this work.

I do wonder why I stay....I tried to make sure he had a great birthday . He had a birthday in late January, so I bought him 2 shirts, planned to take him to a movie, dinner, then drinks afterwards.. he decided after the movie he wasn't hungry and wanted to go to the strip club. Now I am all for him wanting to go to the strip club but I didn't want to see him rubbing all on the dancers like he did the last time he dragged me to the club. He got mad at me, told me I ruined everything, and we went home. He accused me of trying to "change him" when all I was doing was wanting him to respect our relationship. I didn't think I was asking for too much at all.

Another time in particular..he told me he was on call at his job( which does happen). He was gone for 3 hours on Friday. I tried calling both his personal cell phone and work phone, wondering where he was...he wasn't on an on call job. He said he had to "run errands". Things like this make me wonder why on earth I stay with him when I deserve better.

The icing on the cake for ME, should have been this whole ordeal with the ex.... when he assumed that Mike and Sara were in a relationship and he wanted to send their sex videos to Mike just because she told me that he had called her.

Originally Posted by AutumnLeaves65

The icing on the cake for ME, should have been this whole ordeal with the ex.... when he assumed that Mike and Sara were in a relationship and he wanted to send their sex videos to Mike just because she told me that he had called her.

I literally have no idea what any of this means, but he bought her a couch, which is a hanging error.

[AutumnLeaves65]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

I literally have no idea what any of this means, but he bought her a couch, which is a hanging error.

I agree Lefty,

It was really difficult to hear all of this.

Basically, the Ex and My man had a sex video that he made of them while they were together in 2015. He saved the videos of those 2. He was upset at her for asking me why he was calling me..... that made him upset that I found out.After I told him that I knew he was contacting her, He texts her, calling her a "lying pathetic *****" and was going to send their sex video to all of these guys he felt she was sleeping with.

Nonconsensual pornography (revenge porn) isn't illegal in Kentucky, but he's threatening her with it.

[AutumnLeaves65]

I admit that he went too far with that. He was really upset with her.

People go to prison for that in my state. You should consider what that says about his viability as your partner.

[AutumnLeaves65]

I don't believe we're going to last because I do not trust him at all.

I believe he's gone insane. I really hope that he's calm down now.

[Bill3]

What is preventing you from leaving right now?

[AutumnLeaves65]

Truthfully, my love for him. He can be such a sweet and loving guy. I enjoy those moments. Plus we bought rental property in a town nearby.

[mugwort2]

I think you're doing what most people would do , whether they're diagnosed with an MI or not. You're letting your emotions get the better of your intellect True confessions I do that too and so do most people. My suggestion is to be ruled by your mind and not your emotions. To me he's playing with your emotions. I get the strong impression he's dating you and holding onto his ex. I say make a fresh start.

[AutumnLeaves65]

Originally Posted by mugwort2

I think you're doing what most people would do , whether they're diagnosed with an MI or not. You're letting your emotions get the better of your intellect True confessions I do that too and so do most people. My suggestion is to be ruled by your mind and not your emotions. To me he's playing with your emotions. I get the strong impression he's dating you and holding onto his ex. I say make a fresh start.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I have to agree with everything you've mentioned. I do feel that he was holding on to her and with me. My emotions HAVE gotten the best of me. I feel so broken right now. I also hold on to him because I love him so much and I am trying everyday to make things work. I want to believe that he's finally let her go because of the way he's feeling about her now. He feels shes a liar and has felt like he's caught her in lies. I truly believe that he's actually done with her and has moved on. He was truly upset with her after she had informed me of him calling her. I like to think he's actually let her go and he's been treating me differently when I told him that I would simply be gone when I've had enough. I have one foot in and one foot out. I've placed some of my things into storage, that he wouldn't notice gone. I only have my bed as well as other things. So when I choose to leave, I 'll have less than a truck load that needs to go.

[avlady]

listen to your gut and intuition.here to me it sounds like he is an abusive mentally person.you deserve better, don't waste any more time on this person please.

[AutumnLeaves65]

Originally Posted by avlady

listen to your gut and intuition.here to me it sounds like he is an abusive mentally person.you deserve better, don't waste any more time on this person please.

Yes you're right he is. At first I thought it was just me. He blames me for arguments that we have. Telling me that I'm "doing dumb S***". Also, with the way he ripped into the ex, calling her all kinds of disrespectful names, made me realize, this is a pattern with him and that I am not the only person he treats like this.

Originally Posted by AutumnLeaves65

Also, with the way he ripped into the ex, calling her all kinds of disrespectful names, made me realize, this is a pattern with him and that I am not the only person he treats like this.

Yes, someday soon you will be the next ex.