[UCLAFan]

in my life in the past authority figures acted like I had to tell them everything.this has always annoyed me.i worry at times my Counselor is going to push boundaries with me.even though I am in counseling I feel like I still have a right to privacy.one question that has always annoyed me is the question what do I do during the day.Another question I recently​ was annoyed by was how many baseball games do I go to & when I told him how many he gave me a weird look & I felt like he was judging me.also he is pushing me to volunteer.does that mean I have to prove to him that I have called a bunch of places to volunteer?does he need to know all the details about where I will soon volunteer.i am 46 & I have always hated nosey people.i feel like even a counselor does not need to know everything

Originally Posted by UCLAFan

in my life in the past authority figures acted like I had to tell them everything.this has always annoyed me.i worry at times my Counselor is going to push boundaries with me.even though I am in counseling I feel like I still have a right to privacy.one question that has always annoyed me is the question what do I do during the day.Another question I recently​ was annoyed by was how many baseball games do I go to & when I told him how many he gave me a weird look & I felt like he was judging me.also he is pushing me to volunteer.does that mean I have to prove to him that I have called a bunch of places to volunteer?does he need to know all the details about where I will soon volunteer.i am 46 & I have always hated nosey people.i feel like even a counselor does not need to know everything

What are the goals of your counseling sessions? What are the issues you are trying to address? If you think that an issue is irrelevant and/or invading your privacy, I don't see why you would have to talk about it. You can give a brief answer, say that the issue is not relevant (do it tactfully and politely), and/or suggest that you'd rather address another issue that you consider more pertinent to your treatment. For example, when I see my therapist, I give her a concrete list of three things that I want to discuss.

I do not tell my therapist everything, because some things do not add to our sessions. For example, she doesn't need to know the minutiae of my social life. I tell her that I have fun, supportive friends and no longer feel lonely. She doesn't need to know exactly who my friends are, how much time I spend with them, and what we do. That doesn't add to our session.

You do not have an obligation to volunteer, unless there is some requirement from the government or your job. My therapist has often suggested extra volunteering. I told her that I would rather find other solutions to add diversity to my "treatment plan", since I already volunteer at an art museum. We no longer talk about extra volunteering as a result.

If you feel that you're not constructively and comfortably clicking with your counselor, would you be willing and able to find someone else? I've always ended a relationship with a therapist who I did not find helpful. There's nothing wrong with that. Not everyone will click with you or understand you. After a lot of "shopping" over six years, I've finally found a therapist who clicks with me and who keeps our sessions focused and relevant.

I'm happy to discuss further. Anyway, these are just my opinions and I don't know if they address your specific situation, since I don't know the details of what you're going through.

You're not obligated to tell anybody anything no matter if they are counselors, authority figures, or anybody else. Tell people only what they need to know and that's it.

As for enforcing boundaries with your counselor, my advice would be to treat them like you would a business where you are buying a product or service that you need by telling them ONLY things that are related to what you are trying to buy.

For example, let's say you are buying a car. Do you approach the car salesman and tell him every little unrelated thing regarding how you are going to use the car? You wouldn't negotiate with a car salesman by telling him every exact date and time you will use the car, or your entire life's story, would you? No? Because it's none of their damn business.

Treat the therapist like you would treat a business that you plan on buying from and ONLY talk about things that benefit your treatment. Anything else you say has no point and only wastes precious time that could be used to better your treatment.

After all, you are paying THEM to do a job and as such, YOU are the one with the power and not them. If they don't like it, fire them and move on.

[UCLAFan]

Last session was the only time I felt uncomfortable around him & he has been my Counselor for over a year now.i might have misunderstood him since I have a learning disability.plus I don't trust people in authority because I been lied to.but In general I don't trust anyone but myself & God

[Crazy Hitch]

I don't think he asks these questions to judge you. It's probably if you were doing something off key he'd provide strategies to help you with your behaviours. Doesn't sound like you are. And I think you likely read too much into it when you told him about the basketball games you go to.

[UCLAFan]

Hope so but I have trust issues.i either trust someone to much or not at all

[RainyDay107]

No, you choose. Take care.

[MickeyCheeky]

I understand your trust issues. You don't have to tell them everything -it's your choice. Still, remember that he's there to help you

[UCLAFan]

Good because I am afraid he will judge me etc