[rdgrad15]

Ever notice how someone or even a group of people may be annoyed at someone else for just being there for whatever reason, but then when the person they are annoyed at is not there, they wonder, and even ask where the person is. I've always wondered when people do that, is it just out of curiosity over where the person could be or do they actually like having the person around, they just get annoyed over something they do? I know a few people are like that towards me. They will act like they are annoyed by my presence but if I am not there due to me doing something else or just because I am giving them a break, they will ask where I was at the next time I do see them.

Doesn't happen often, but it happens. Anyone else have this happen to them, or even been the one to be annoyed that someone is around but then wonder where they are at when they are actually absent? I've always wondered why people want to know where someone is at if they truely are annoyed by someone and don't care for them. And if they do like someone, they should tell them why they're annoyed rather than wish the would leave and then wonder where they are at.

[hvert]

I think it might be like wanting to be invited to the party but not wanting to go... which is my general feeling about parties!

I bet it's a combination of the things you suggested. Curiosity plus missing the person plus maybe forgetting that they are annoyed when the other person is not right in front of them.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Probably based on the idea that the person is usually there on most occasions they are noticing the absence. does not necessarily mean that they enjoy their presence.

If you're part of a group of say 5 people. One of those people annoys you but your typical group is always the same people, you would still notice the one missing.

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Ever notice how someone or even a group of people may be annoyed at someone else for just being there for whatever reason, but then when the person they are annoyed at is not there, they wonder, and even ask where the person is. I've always wondered when people do that, is it just out of curiosity over where the person could be or do they actually like having the person around, they just get annoyed over something they do? I know a few people are like that towards me. They will act like they are annoyed by my presence but if I am not there due to me doing something else or just because I am giving them a break, they will ask where I was at the next time I do see them.

Doesn't happen often, but it happens. Anyone else have this happen to them, or even been the one to be annoyed that someone is around but then wonder where they are at when they are actually absent? I've always wondered why people want to know where someone is at if they truely are annoyed by someone and don't care for them. And if they do like someone, they should tell them why they're annoyed rather than wish the would leave and then wonder where they are at.

Those types of people are passive-aggressive "players." I avoid those types at all cost. You know, the person who smiles at you as if to invite you into their space, but as soon as you walk over to them, they totally leave you standing there, feeling awkward...and alone.

Or the type of person who gives you a back-handed compliment. They insult you...with a smile. And when you confront them about it, they deflect it back on you, to make you feel crazy for even asking, so they don't have to take responsibility for being passive-aggressive with you.

If you run into those types in social settings, don't engage in a 'tit for tat". Just keep your distance because you can't change them. And don't question your own worth or take their bait, because they are waiting for someone with low self-esteem to come along to be their next punching bag (verbally or physically).

Don't let these types slip into "victim" mode either. Don't let them start in at you with a "whoa is me" tale about their life (which is 100% embellished and highly unlikely truthful). They love an audience and they will do what they can to manipulate people into their stratosphere with all kinds of verbal pugilism.

If you have to, be sarcastic and diffuse these types with your biting wit. Nothing deflates a passive-aggressive player faster than a good zinger at their expense. That will shut them down (and whatever their subversive agenda with you was). And you will be able to walk away unscathed.

If they are annoyed at someone being at their party, it's part of their passive-aggressive play book. They need a scapegoat for whatever reason. Every social group has innocent scapegoats, who are constantly at risk of being "played" by these types of people. Sometimes you'll feel like you've been targeted as one. And if you ever feel that way, don't take it personally. It's the other person's projection on to you about whatever their own issue is, about themselves, that they refuse to deal with. Makes me think of the movie Bridget Jones, when she goes to that dreaded dinner party for couples. And they all make her feel like complete garbage, projecting their disgust at single people onto her, with their passive-aggressive jabs, and their constant bragging about how happy they are as couples, or being pregnant, and treating Bridget Jones like a scapegoat for all singles.