[retro_chic]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this as it doesn't really fall neatly into any of the board topics.

Anyway, my mother often makes negative comments about my body/weight. I'm not overweight but I have put on about 5kg in the past 12 months due to a desk job and lack of exercise. That's not really the point though. I really don't know what my mother thinks she is achieving by making these comments. Just this evening she said "that's an 'interesting' body you have" and I said "what's wrong with it?" to which my mum replied "you need to do some exercise and tone". Seriously, what is that?! I have told my mum before that I don't like these comments yet she still does it. I am more than aware of my body's flaws and I really don't need her to point them out to her. I'm 25 years old and my body is none of her business. Unless I am doing something that would jeopardise my health, she has no right to comment.

I don't really know what I should do about this. I don't feel comfortable talking about this with my Mum other than telling her I don't like these comments. I'm really not keen on going any deeper with her. Saying I don't like it should be enough anyway.

Sorry to hear that she says these things, it would bother me too!

I'm not sure if you live with your mom or not. If not, I would honestly consider limiting contact if she kept bringing hurtful things like that up. Generally people make fun of others' appearance when they are insecure of their own, because it boosts their self-image. So your mom probably has some self-esteem issues of her own. She may even be jealous of your body and hoping that you gain more weight.

If you live at home, that is a bit of a harder situation. If telling her that these comments are hurtful doesn't stop them, then I'm not sure what else you can do other than distance yourself from that toxicity. I wish you the best of luck.

[annxo]

It's true that people say mean things because they are insecure about themselves.
But if my mom called me fat I would be like hey I can still lose weight but you'll still be getting old lol

Sorry this is so hurtful for you. Sometimes it seems like the best way to encourage our children to do something is to forbid them to do it (hope you realize I am trying to make light of the whole situation). If you forbid me to eat chocolate--I am sure to eat twice as much! But I am a firm believer that true, lasting motivation only comes from within. In the case of exercise (which is very good for your mind and body), a person has to find something that they enjoy doing if they want to incorporate it permanently into their lives.

As far as your mom goes, though it is hard for me to imagine her being jealous (though I suppose it is possible); I think parents have to be careful not to live their lives through their children--ie we need to give our children enough space and to allow them to experience their own lives and make their own mistakes/choices. In my case, I left home right after graduating high school allowing me to make a clean break from my mother who was simply running way to much of my life and wanting to know my deepest secrets constantly. It can be sort of a smothering feeling. Do you live at home? If you do then maintaining proper boundaries may always be hard. If you don't, then just limit your time with you mom.

[retro_chic]

Thanks everyone for the replies!

I don't think my mum is jealous but I do think there is a definite lack of boundaries going on. Unfortunately I do still live at home so that makes things harder.

In regards to the exercise, I have been going for regular walks for the past week and my mum has been going with me so in some ways she can be supportive. I've also been eating healthier and lost a kg last week but I still feel like s*** about my body because of my mum

[Bill3]

Other than these inappropriate comments, how is your relationship with your mom?

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry about these comments.. they're really inappropriate I don't think she's doing it to be mean.. but yeah, she didn't word it in the best of ways. :/

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by retro_chic

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this as it doesn't really fall neatly into any of the board topics.

Anyway, my mother often makes negative comments about my body/weight. I'm not overweight but I have put on about 5kg in the past 12 months due to a desk job and lack of exercise. That's not really the point though. I really don't know what my mother thinks she is achieving by making these comments. Just this evening she said "that's an 'interesting' body you have" and I said "what's wrong with it?" to which my mum replied "you need to do some exercise and tone". Seriously, what is that?! I have told my mum before that I don't like these comments yet she still does it. I am more than aware of my body's flaws and I really don't need her to point them out to her. I'm 25 years old and my body is none of her business. Unless I am doing something that would jeopardise my health, she has no right to comment.

I don't really know what I should do about this. I don't feel comfortable talking about this with my Mum other than telling her I don't like these comments. I'm really not keen on going any deeper with her. Saying I don't like it should be enough anyway.

don't go any deeper than that with her then. The comments aren't really productive or encouraging and you don't like them, so just let her know that's the case and move on. That really is enough.

But to further curb it, you might let her know kindly that if she's in a place at the time where she feels the need to criticize, in the future you will just walk away. And do so. It will send a clear message to her that it's not welcome conversation. But you have to be firm and strong in this and not cave to the point of trying to defend yourself, get upset, angry or anything in front of her... just walk... away.

[annxo]

Originally Posted by annxo

It's true that people say mean things because they are insecure about themselves.
But if my mom called me fat I would be like hey I can still lose weight but you'll still be getting old lol

Sorry if that was inappropriate.... I didn't mean it like that, I was just trying to lighten the mood.

I hope you and your mom work things out.