[BlackPotionRose]

Possible trigger:

... Trigger Warning ...
I tried to do the trigger code. I hope it worked. I'm so sorry if it didn't.

Before I tell my situation i would like to say I know I'm wrong. I know I should not have done what I am going to tell you about. Please try not to judge me or belittle me. Thank you.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 20 yrs. We have two daughters 14 and 12. We have a lot of issues he and I. I have tried in the past to speak to him about it but it always turns into an argument. He is no help to me emotionally or financially. I have lost a lot of weight and he seems to not notice or care. I am so lonely here. He doesn't allow me to drive so basically I'm stuck. Without him I can't even get to work.

A few months back I began meeting men from a website, men just looking for sex. I feel I need to say that i didn't sleep with everyone that came along.
It wasn't so much for the sex but just for the closeness and the feeling of being with someone.

I became extremely interested in BDSM and would look for Daddy's online or in person to be with. It's all complicated,I won't go into alot of detail, I don't understand it myself.

I always had a good relationship with my father. He was my best friend, he was never ever ever inappropriate with me in a sexual way, so I don't understand why I have such a huge Daddy fetish.

It's not a sugar Daddy. It's just a Daddy you know, he cares for me, looks out for me, loves me, gives me tasks to complete and it is sexual.. kinda.

I always had a thing for older men. I find them exciting in every way. So after countless Daddy's.. I so happen to find one that I have fallen in love with, and I have to let him go for my own mental well being, but I don't think I can. ... He is a co-worker. About 20 yrs older then me. It started as just fun, he was lonely, I was lonely and he was very interested​in my, let's say, naughty side. One problem.. he's married. Been married atleast 6 different times.
I know/knew better then to get involved with a married man.

I assume it is because I am not well mentally but when we work different shifts or we are opposite each other I panic, I cry, I get depressed. When he hasn't texted me I feel lost,scared, unsure what to do with myself. I have to let him go. I wonder if I have Daddy issues, but I'm not sure what that even means. I had a good relationship with my Daddy. He passed away in 97 and I miss him so bad. I wonder if I'm just trying to fill that void, that loss of him.

This married man, I only get time with him when we are at work, otherwise it's just through text. We are never together unless it's at work. But when he is around, just in the same building, I feel happy and calm and at peace. I know I need to let him go. I need to stop this. But I know I will fall apart. It will break me. I don't know what to do. I wish I never started this mess.

I don't know what I'm asking, maybe I'm not asking anything, maybe I just needed to vent about it,get it out. I love him so much. But I know it can never be and I got to stop. I have to stop. My heart is broken.

[Trippin2.0]

I'm so sorry.

I don't know what else to say...

I lost both my daddies, father and eldest brother, both great, loving, caring men, and almost 10 years later the loss is still impacting me negatively.

I guess I just wanted to say I can empathize.

[BlackPotionRose]

Thank you for your reply, Trippin. I am so sorry. Sending big hugs to you!

[Bill3]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. It sounds like that loss may be a factor in everything else that has been going on.

[Crazy Hitch]

I think you need to get out of your marriage. Your husband does not support you emotionally nor financially. That's not a marriage. It's just living under the same roof as someone.