I just read this article on The Mind Journal about narcissistic parents and thought I'd share it here. My experience with a narcissistic parent is that their behavior doesn't change with their adult children. Ever. And you can try to point out their behavior to them, but because they are narcissists they are incapable of self-awareness or acknowledgement of their flaws and how those flaws effect others. I found it very helpful.

https://themindsjournal.com/kinds-of...istic-parents/

[seesaw]

Wow...yeah, experienced so much of this from my dad. And he cant understand that there was ever violence in our house...when it was there and threatened all the time.

Seesaw

Originally Posted by seesaw

Wow...yeah, experienced so much of this from my dad. And he cant understand that there was ever violence in our house...when it was there and threatened all the time.

Seesaw

Sorry to hear that Seesaw. At least you are healthy enough that you are able to distance yourself from your dad, who is not a source of positivity in your life.

As I read down the list for each of the 6 types of emotional abuse from narcissistic parents in this article, I literally could add a semi-colon to nearly every item on the list with an example from my personal life.

At least 80% of the examples come from my narcissistic mother and my estranged brother, and about 25% of the list examples, applies to ex-friends and ex-romantic partners who exhibited narcissistic abuse towards me.

My mother is still a narcissist. She needs to move, out of her current apartment because she can no longer afford it and is showing signs of senility. My siblings and I can't afford to put her into a nursing home (her social security would cover it, but she refuses to acknowledge that).

So, she is demanding that I -- the family scapegoat -- look for a 2-bdrm apartment or duplex to rent with her. I put my foot down and told her no; and I suggested she contact her sister who lives in a huge, empty house (located in another state a few hours away).

Her response was "well, my sister wouldn't like that or agree to it." As if my feelings don't matter because I'm her daughter aka the family scapegoat. Again, I told her no, and added some links to various rental websites she could access herself to locate another cheaper apartment or nursing home to move to.

I am just waiting for my siblings to jump in with guilt tripping and shaming tactics. But it won't work. Narcissism = yuck.

Originally Posted by cielpur

So, she is demanding that I -- the family scapegoat -- look for a 2-bdrm apartment or duplex to rent with her. I put my foot down and told her no; and I suggested she contact her sister who lives in a huge, empty house (located in another state a few hours away).

Good for you. You shouldn't feel guilty at all after what you have been through.

[Hypopup]

Originally Posted by cielpur

Sorry to hear that Seesaw. At least you are healthy enough that you are able to distance yourself from your dad, who is not a source of positivity in your life.

I find the biggest problem with having a narcissistic parent is even if you cut them from your life their "stench" never really goes away. This is at least the case if you're not where you feel you should be in life. It often takes years to even manage it where you can say you almost moved on so I was very close to getting there until bam the US elects someone who reminds me of him and we are back to my childhood all over again. I have now regressed I think.

I found this list of questions related to narcissistic traits in mothers (which can be applied to fathers too). It is a good checklist for adult children of narcissistic parents.

When you discuss your life issues with your mother, does she divert the discussion to talk about herself?
When you discuss your feelings with your mother, does she try to top the feeling with her own?
Does your mother act jealous of you?
Does your mother lack empathy for your feelings?
Does your mother only support those things you do that reflect on her as a “good mother"?
Have you consistently felt a lack of emotional closeness with your mother?
Have you consistently questioned whether or not your mother likes you or loves you?
Does your mother only do things for you when others can see?
When something happens in your life (accident, illness, divorce) does your mother react with how it will affect her rather than how you feel?
Is or was your mother overly conscious of what others think (neighbors, friends, family, co-workers)?
Does your mother deny her own feelings?
Does your mother blame things on you or others rather than own responsibility for her feelings or actions?
Is or was your mother hurt easily and then carried a grudge for a long time without resolving the problem?
Do you feel you were a slave to your mother?
Do you feel you were responsible for your mother’s ailments or sickness (headaches, stress, illness)?
Did you have to take care of your mother’s physical needs as a child?
Do you feel unaccepted by your mother?
Do you feel your mother was critical of you?
Do you feel helpless in the presence of your mother?
Are you shamed often by your mother?
Do you feel your mother knows the real you?
Does your mother act like the world should revolve around her?
Do you find it difficult to be a separate person from your mother?
Does your mother appear phony to you?
Does your mother want to control your choices?
Does your mother swing from egotistical to a depressed mood?
Did you feel you had to take care of your mother’s emotional needs as a child?
Do you feel manipulated in the presence of your mother?
Do you feel valued by mother for what you do rather than who you are?
Is your mother controlling, acting like a victim or martyr?
Does your mother make you act different from how you really feel?
Does your mother compete with you?
Does your mother always have to have things her way?