[pinkvilla]

My life is on such a bad roll now a days that I find it hard to breathe!

I am just coming out of depression and I thought I'd take a short break from household and go be with my parents for a while. My therapist thinks it is a good idea because I was overwhelmed with all the things going on at home.

Now my in laws do not agree (they don't believe in mental illness and recovery and hence I had to keep all hush hush)and I was planning to keep it a secret and have my time off with the knowledge of my husband . Today he tells me that his relative is visiting during this time and to go ahead with my plan and he wants to entertain the relative at our house during my absence. The problem is that this relative lives near my in laws and a regular visitor at their house. This will mean I will not have the quiet break I planned for(because this relative will go and spill everything to my in laws) and the stress of it all is taking a toll on me which my therapist says could be really bad for me in this condition.

I don't know what to do. My husband doesn't seem to get how important it is for me to take a break and he will not budge not to entertain this person . I just want to sit and cry!!

[Trippin2.0]

Why does the relative have to know the reason for your absence?

Why can't you just be visiting your parents?

[pinkvilla]

I am going for about 2 months and the kids are left with my husband. (There is some outside help with childcare during this time since I did not want my husband to take in all the burden.)So it would look unusual for me to leave my kids and stay at my parent's house. The relative might stay with us for a week or so.

I have never left my kids and hence I worry that my extended family may talk about this. Then my in laws are going to talk to my parents and they will have to explain and it makes me so mad.I am worried that it will all seem odd due to the length of my stay. I am mad at my husband for not saying no. If he says no to the relative,the whole issue can be averted and I'll have a peaceful break without anyone passing opinions on what I should do.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Why does the relative have to know the reason for your absence?

Why can't you just be visiting your parents?

[bipolar angel]

Sadly,spouses do not always get it even though they may be supportive! When my stress level was at an all time high,my baby was 11months old..i had horrible post partum depression/anxiety-before my BP diagnosis-my husband was helping with some physical chores,shopping,etc-but he did not get I was dying inside. Even when I tried explain it-he just thought I could get over it/mind over matter!
So he could mot understand why i didnt want tell everyone-be judged as less than etc
Good luck-i hope you can convince him not to have guest. Explain how makes stress worse for you! Hang in there, i get it, i wound up in pt. I wish i had thpught of taking a nreak-at someonrs home-for even a week.

[Trippin2.0]

The relative still doesn't need to know you'll be gone for two months...

They can be lead to believe your visit and their visit, is about the same length and at the same time.

No need to say, "oh my wife is not here she will be back in a few months because she's ill"...

It's just none of their business and there's really no reason to invade your privacy, unless the relative was going to be around for the duration of your absence.

[Erebos]

Just don't say anything.
Relative. "Where's the wife?"

Husband: "visiting her folks, helping out with something or other,you know. "

Relative: "sure, how long you got the place to yourself then?"

Husband: "couple of weeks give or take, depends how things go."

Relativenods) "sure, sure....So how you been keeping anyway?"

End of conversation.
On the slight off chance they ask what your doing. All your Husband has to do is look embarrassed and say. "You know, I wasn't really listening."

It doesn't have to be complicated, unless you have very pushy rude relatives.

Just go on your holiday and let your Husband deal with it.
Try and do what you are going away to do.
All the best.

[bipolar angel]

Originally Posted by Erebos

Just don't say anything.
Relative. "Where's the wife?"

Husband: "visiting her folks, helping out with something or other,you know. "

Relative: "sure, how long you got the place to yourself then?"

Husband: "couple of weeks give or take, depends how things go."

Relativenods) "sure, sure....So how you been keeping anyway?"

End of conversation.
On the slight off chance they ask what your doing. All your Husband has to do is look embarrassed and say. "You know, I wasn't really listening."

It doesn't have to be complicated, unless you have very pushy rude relatives.

Just go on your holiday and let your Husband deal with it.
Try and do what you are going away to do.
All the best.

It's soo true! We worry about what to say and to whom..you are 100%correct. Just keep it vague..afterall, she could be helping her mother after mother had something like breast surgery or hysterectomy-where you would not be telling everyone.

[Erebos]

Even better if your Husband says "oh you know women's things, that time of life and all that."
That's enough to make most people horrifyingly embarrassed. That they never bring it up again.
But in all truth you can be vague and employ the knowing look technique. Which people also feel obliged to go along with, and leave it at that.
Anyway, once again all the best. Take care