Casual friend just doesn't care about anyone anymore

rdgrad15 · 10:40 AM

Nothing bad actually happened but it is quite clear that a casual friend jlst doesn't care anymore. That is perfectly okay. I didn't get close to her or anything due to her treating me poorly in the past, but she seemed like she wanted a second chance and she even admitted that she was a horrible friend at one point and was sorry. That is why I gave her a second chance, other friends in the past that have used me have never apologized about their actions or even admitted to them, so I figured she deserved a second chance, although not getting close to her though.

She hasn't really done anything again, hasn't used me or treated me outright poorly again, but she does seem to just not care anymore. And from what I heard from her parents, she is like that towards everyone now. She claims to be busy a lot but in reality, she just sits at home all day watching movies or playing games. From what I was told, this is the result of her feeling hurt by people over and over again in the past so she doesn't seem to care about having friends anymore.

To an extent, I can understand since I am somewhat the same way. I do like having friends, but I am not desperate to have many friends due to being hurt repeatedly by people in the past. The reason I decided to stop asking if she wants to hang out is for that exact reason, she just doesn't seem to want to get out of her house and do anything. Even when she is bored out of her mind, she doesn't want to get out. She will gladly talk through facebook or text, but she just doesn't care about hanging out with people.

So I decided I will no longer ask. I rarely asked to begin with, but even when I did ask, she would always make up an excuse or if we did hang out, she didn't seem to enthused by it. I hate the idea that people hang out with me out of obligation while secretly wishing they would be elsewhere, so that is why I don't want to burden her. If she truly wants to hang out, she'll contact me. Let her make the initiative to contact first. Every so often, she may initiate contact so I will leave it at that. I am not close to her so that is why I am not offended by it or anything, I just don't want to pursue something that is just not worth it. If she wants to hang out sometime, I am available and will be happy to, but I just think it is time to let her take more of the initiative, that way she can hang out when she wants to rather than feeling forced to.

Trippin2.0 · Jun 28, 2017, 01:37 PM

She sounds really depressed

rdgrad15 · Jun 28, 2017, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

She sounds really depressed

Sometimes I've wondered that. I did ask her and others if she was depressed and she said no, and they said no and that she just doesn't care but who knows, she could be depressed and just hiding it.

Trippin2.0 · Jun 28, 2017, 02:15 PM

Apathy is a classic symptom

rdgrad15 · Jun 28, 2017, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Apathy is a classic symptom

Oh okay. Yeah she may very well be depressed then. If she was doing it to just me, then it would be one thing. But to do it to everyone is an entirely different story. That's why I didn't cut her off. I just feel like I need to give her space and let her take the initiative. Because I was told by one of her parents one day when she was not around for a bit that, except for a couple of college classes, and sometimes work in the evenings, she is home all day and doesn't socialize with people outside her home. So yeah, she may be depressed and is trying to hid it.

Sunflower123 · Jun 28, 2017, 03:59 PM

Can you initiate a conversation with her about possible depression? This second time around it really doesn't sound like she is trying to slight you. You may be the only friend she has that has picked up on it. It's up to you whether you want to reach out or not. Best wishes.

rdgrad15 · Jun 28, 2017, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Can you initiate a conversation with her about possible depression? This second time around it really doesn't sound like she is trying to slight you. You may be the only friend she has that has picked up on it. It's up to you whether you want to reach out or not. Best wishes.

Yeah I may talk to her about depression again. Thank you.

Jun 28, 2017, 05:40 PM

She reminds me of myself, where hurts of a few people have accumulated and hence I disposed some of them out of my life, and I may even dispose more. It's a matter of swinging the darts away from your mind at the moment they're about to hit, such as saying "I don't like it when you insult me that way".

She does sound depressed, though at least she spends her time well at home.
How about sympathizing and showing her you know how it feels so she can know you have similar "wave lengths"?

rdgrad15 · Jun 28, 2017, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

She reminds me of myself, where hurts of a few people have accumulated and hence I disposed some of them out of my life, and I may even dispose more. It's a matter of swinging the darts away from your mind at the moment they're about to hit, such as saying "I don't like it when you insult me that way".

She does sound depressed, though at least she spends her time well at home.
How about sympathizing and showing her you know how it feels so she can know you have similar "wave lengths"?

Yeah I agree with you. I am sort of the same way, I am very careful at who I let into my life. And yeah, I do believe she could be depressed.