Is it my fault?

Wanted to get your opinions on an incident that occurred this evening. There are 3 kids I drive home from sports practice every Thursday. Today, one of the boys was not waiting at the curb with the other 2 students when I got to the school. I asked where this boy (Thomas) was. One of the kids, his good friend (Ben), told me he was not riding home with us today. I waited and looked for Thomas but did not see him. I asked Ben why Thomas was not riding home with us. Ben said "He said his mom is coming to pick him up because he has to go to Boy Scouts." Now, this happened one other time when I came to the school to pick up Thomas after practice. Thomas did not get a ride home with me and was not waiting at the curb with the other kids. Again, it was his friend Ben that told me his mom was coming to pick him up and take him to piano lessons. So today, when Ben told me Thomas was going to Boy Scouts, I left the school. An hour later, I received a voice mail message from Thomas's mother saying Thomas was still at the school. I immediately called her back asking what was going on. She said, "I don't know why my son did not get in the car with you." I proceeded to tell her what I was told by his friend Ben to which she replied, " He was very confused. It's not your fault." Not sure if "He" meant Ben, or her son Thomas. I apologized and before I could finish speaking, she cut me off saying she was at the school and had to get her son because he was with a stranger. She never called me back or sent me a follow up text message or anything. I feel like she was blaming me. If it's not my fault, then why did she call me? To me it seems that there was a miscommunication between Ben and Thomas. Or Thomas really did think he had Boy Scouts and his mother was coming, but he had his days mixed up. Either way, how was I to know any of that? It makes me feel bad that Thomas was stuck at the school, but I don't feel I did anything wrong. Honestly, I think it was rude of Thomas's mother to call me and insinuate blame towards me, hang up on me, then not call me back or send a follow up text if nothing else than just to say, "Sorry for the confusion". I'm feeling bad about the whole thing. Is it me that's at fault?

How old are these kids?

They are 12 and 13.

She called you because she wanted to know why her son did not get in the car with you, then she was brief because her son was "with a stranger" -- evidence of him being the confused one -- and her taking care of him in that situation was more important to her at that moment than a continued conversation with you. If I were you, I would send a simple text asking how you should handle that kind of thing in the future, and while saying nothing more about anything now past.

I thought that since these kids were older, some are now 14, I could trust what they were telling me as being accurate. I guess from now on, if something like this happens again, I will text the parent to confirm if what they are telling me is true. If I get an affirmative response back, then I'll leave the school. I will just have to sit in the parking lot and wait for a response from the parent before I drive off.

I think that the expectation should be that there has to be word from a parent--not from a middle-school friend--if there is to be a change from the usual procedure. Therefore, I agree with the advice given by leejosepho.

I would not take offense at the other parent. These things happen. Just let this incident go other than to clarify what the other parent wants you to do if this happens again, and decide whether you are willing to do that. I do not think that you should be expected to stay in a parking lot indefinitely if the other parent cannot be reached.

Bill3....looking back on it now, yes, I agree. If there is going to be a change from the usual procedure, it should come from the parent. I guess I should have thought of that. These kids are very responsible and I thought they knew what they were supposed to be doing. Especially in this day and age with cell phones. They are constantly in contact with their parents and if there is a question about a schedule, they can usually quickly contact their parent to find that out. And they usually do. I will say this, the last time Thomas did not get a ride home with me due to having piano lessons, his mother did not give me any advance notice. I put a notice out on the group text telling all the parents I was getting the kids, and as I was about to leave the school I get a text from Thomas's mother saying she would come get him to take him to piano lessons. So they've not done a good job communicating in the past which fed into the confusion of this situation.

As a parent of 4 age 20 -10 here's some advice. Unless you hear it from the mouth of the parent, assume it's wrong.
Kids lie, they get mixed up, and they misunderstand. That's why mum has someone else pick them up.

If they were ready to be reliable she could trust them to get home under their own steam.

Aside from that I agree with Lee'jos post.

Nope not your fault.

But if I were you I'd make it crystal clear to the mother that any time he is not coming with you - she needs to text you.

As the saying goes....once bitten, twice shy. That's me now as far as situations like this are concerned. And no matter how responsible a kid is, a kid is still a kid. So no more trusting what they tell me. Funny thing is I try to go through this world not always wondering what if this, or what if that. I try not to be in a constant state of worry. Then situations like this happen and I walk away telling myself that I should worry and I should always doubt and why didn't I do this and why didn't I do that. Its a vicious cycle. And for anyone out there who was told growing up that it's not okay to make a mistake (like me), well hear this......it is okay to make a mistake. Because we are humans, not robots. And yes, I made a mistake. Even parents make mistakes and today I was one of them. I am now going to stop beating myself up over this. I am now going to stop telling myself that I'm a terrible person, because I'm not. I'm a human being who made a mistake.

I don't see how anyone insinuated or blamed anybody. She called to find out why kid isn't picked up. And she hung up because she worried about her kid. I think it's your perception that it was about you rather than safety of her child.

Personally I'd call mom from the parking lot that the kid isn't there. I wouldn't sit there for 5 hours waiting but I'd give mom heads up.

I found it a bit strange that you simply went home and never contacted a parent and she only found out an hour later that he still isn't picked up. It's understandable she got worried. She was in fact rather nice about it. Some parents wouldn't be as nice.

Also keep in mind even the nicest kids make stuff up and cover for each other. As an adult you have to double check things.

Why are you doing it in the first place? A favor? Getting paid?

"I found it a bit strange that you simply went home and never contacted a parent and she only found out an hour later that he still isn't picked up. It's understandable she got worried. She was in fact rather nice about it. Some parents wouldn't be as nice."

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Really Divine? You don't think I was as horrified as anyone else when the mother called me stating that her son was still at the school? I'm a parent, not a monster. I went home and did not call a parent because I believed the wrong information I was given. I thought the boy had been picked up by his mother for Boy Scouts. Obviously, now I know that was not the case.

I came on this site because I did not feel 100% of the fault was mine. Obviously the communication between him and his mother is not good. It does not excuse me from not double checking, but the kid is old enough to know where he is supposed to be. The fact that he did not know that was not my fault.

Again, I realize that I made a mistake in not double checking. I guess I'm not perfect like you Divine! Sorry! Please do NOT be so judgemental of me. We all live in glass houses.....even YOU!!!