[Mermaids101]

I found out about 7 months ago that my fiancé, relationship of 4 years had cheated on me. I actually found out about a few weeks before my 21st b-day and was very devastated. We live together and I knew there were times where I found him flirting with girls on social media and confronted him about it but it was always nothing and I would let it go. I was starting to lose my trust in him and one night when he was asleep went through his phone, which I know is wrong but it was really eating me up inside. When I did I found naked pics of girls from dating apps/sites, texts, numbers, calls, FaceTime screenshots, FaceTime logs for hours of time, most when I was probably in the house asleep or at work. We got in a huge argument and he just kept saying it was because he was bored and liked the attention. I stayed in the house with him and was very angry but pretended like it was something I was trying to get over. Then about 3 months ago I found new pictures and another dating app on his phone and confronted him, he told me it was old from an old phone but with Apple it has the time/date stamp on all pictures. He finally said he was done, he was changing. However, I'm really really distraught over this whole incident. I'm still with him and we still live together. It's hard because I don't trust him at all but I truly love him more than myself. I literally do anything and everything for him, plus it's been 4 years that will feel so lost to me. I'm not really sure what to do. I haven't told really anyone in my family nor his because it just hurts. I've only told two close friends and mainly got judgement from them for staying. I just feel so hurt, alone and confused. What should I do?

Hello Mermaids101, welcome to PC! I hope you find your time here to be of benefit.

Unfortunately we cannot really tell you what to do...you'll need to look inside yourself and decide what it is that you want, because that is what truly matters. I personally could not stay with someone who cheated on me, but other people have stayed in relationships where cheating occurred and have been able to make them work.

I can understand the feeling that breaking up would mean 4 years of life wasted...I recently ended a long-term relationship (almost 3 years) and felt the same way. But I try to think of my past ended relationships as having brought something to the table, even if that is just lessons learned. Besides, would I have rather "wasted" 3 years of my life, or the rest of my life? The choice was easy for me.

Whatever you choose, I wish you the best. You deserve happiness and a loyal partner.

[TishaBuv]

Hello and welcome to PC!

You have a decision to make about whether or not to stay with a liar and a cheater.

I truly believe people are cheaters or they are not cheaters. That's been my experience in my life. No matter what your fiancé says about his changing, I wouldn't count on that. He's a cheater and a liar. The lying is worse to me than the cheating, TBH.

I wouldn't think of it as 4 years wasted. I never thought that way. You had those years with him, he devastated you and turned out to be a creep, you got wise before you got married and saddled with his kids, and you got out and moved on to find someone else who truly loves and respects you.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm really sorry Personally, I wouldn't trust him, especially because it looks like he did it more than once.. and your trust has already been damaged by this point. But it's your choice in the end..

[Trippin2.0]

By giving him all these chances, all he is learning is that you are so desperate to be with him that you will put up with anything.

Ergo, he will continue cheating on you long after you've said "I do"...

I hear you when you say you love him, but what about you?

One of you has to love and respect you... Clearly it wont be him.

You deserve better, much better, you have your whole life ahead of you, be sure he's what you want, because he has shown you who and what he is.

[Sunflower123]

I'm really sorry you're having such a tough time and for the pain you must be going through. Basically you have 2 choices. (1) Stay with him and accept that he is a cheater (I seriously doubt he will change) (2) Decide to leave the relationship and look for someone who loves, respects and cherishes you. Neither option is right or wrong. It's kind of a choice between short term pain (ending it now) and long term pain (always wondering or finding out he's cheating). Only you know what is in your best interest. Has he always cheated on you throughout the 4 year relationship? That might be something to explore. If it's a current thing...why? If it's gone on all this time...he has a weakness and/or bad character and is not likely to change. Good luck and best wishes with whatever you decide.

[NEGuyfromBritain]

I can only really reiterate what everyone else has said to be honest. I've been in a similar situation and went back thinking it would be better but it just got worse. By staying or going back to them it's like validating what they have done so they don't see any issues in doing it again. Everyone is different though so nobody here can really say he won't change, I think we're all just doubtful.

The decision is totally up to you but you're very young so although 4 years will be lost you can still have a lot of happy years with someone else. I think that's better than feeling the way you do now for the rest of your life.

I think what would be best for you emotionally would be to move on… He obviously doesn't really care for you. Has he apologized even? You deserve someone way better than him… Don't let him control you. He doesn't have your best intentions at heart. But ultimately it's up to you… if you want to give him chance after chance just be prepared to get hurt again. It's not a good way to live I'll tell you that. And I'm so terribly sorry your in so much pain right now. I wish there was more I could do to help you.