family relationships non nonexistent

My parents divorced when I was young. There was a lot of fighting between them before and after.
I never had a good relationship with either of them. There was a year that I did not even talk to my mom because she moved and changed phone numbers, but did not tell me. She had told my younger sister and older brother (I am the middle child, my half sister is the oldest, who has a different dad) her address and number, but I didnt have very good relationship with them either at the time ( I had just graduated high school).
I moved about an 45 minute drive from where I lived to go to college... My mom never came to visit me.
I was accepted a job in Maryland, only 1800 miles from home, but she didnt care.
I came home for vacation during that time but she didnt seem to care while I was there. But she questioned me why I wanted to go see my friends from college.
I moved back home after my dad died. There is a lot I could write about my dad but he has already passed. I was able to make some what of an amends with him before he passed.
After I moved back home (same state I grew up in), I tried calling my mom at least once a week, but she was too busy with my younger sister and her kids, or my half sister to talk to me.
My older brother had a mental break down after my dad died and moved in with my mom.
After that year that my mom didnt even talk to me, she used to call me at least once a month. It has gotten to where she does not call me at all. In the past 4 years she has called me 2 times, one time because there was a problem with my older brother and the other time because there was a problem with my younger sister.
I dont get invited over for holidays unless I call and ask if I can come.
I called my mom one time and she asked "who is this" I told her Jason several times before she realized it was her son.
After moving back to my home state, I have bought a new home. My mom told me she would come she my home the day I bought it. When I called her that day she said she was busy. I have lived in this house for 7 months now and she still has not come to see it or me.....
I invited my mom to my home for dinner 2 weeks in advance. I cooked everything, but she never showed up.... That was the first time I cried since my dad died...
My mom always has an excuse to not talk to me or see me. My mom is always busy with my siblings and my sister's kids.
She never seems to have time for me..???
She has never called me to ask about school, work, relationships...
I have been depressed as a teenager, but I had things to focus on and strive for. Now Im an adult I got through college with out my family, lived across country on my own, but Im still fighting depression and I dont have any family to help. After moving several time I have lost touch with friends who usually brought me out of this depression.

I'm sorry your mom treats you this way. Are you close with your sister now? Any supportive relatives? Is it possible to have a chat with them and express how you feel?

Hi Jason,

I see that this is your first post. Wanted to welcome you to PC and hope that you find a supportive community here.

It's beyond disheartening to hear of such dysfunctional family dynamics. Just because we are adults, doesn't mean hurts and strife magically disappear. It's a grieving process, for sure, because afterall what would seem like obvious lifetime healthy dynamics aren't there and cannot be forced as change.
I've had a sporatic and estranged relationship throughout most of my life, with my own father. As a result of that relationship, I lost out on necessary bonding with a half sister, 16yrs my younger. Even in my late teens, he, according to statements made to another family member, believed in a stubbornly had himself convinced, that it was up to me to forge the father/daughter relationship. I'm a mom now and I'll tell you, as up and down as life with kids can be, it's my responsibility to them to work at it. If I'm not leading the charge, how are they to know what steps to take? My late mom instilled that in me.
Regardless of why your mom is stunted in that, it's no excuse and it's truly up to her to be a parent. Maybe she doesn't desire the common dependent adult child, but from you do write you really sound full of independence and can do. Pat your self on the back.
Maybe she will be open to a repair or maybe she won't. That's a reflection on her and not you.

You're not alone!

Welcome to PC

I'm so sorry for the hurt and confusion this must cause you. You didn't mention whether you have a relationship with your siblings. You've tried and she is not receptive. Would it be possible to sit and have a discussion with her about this? Would she be willing to do that? If she's not receptive it might be time to see a therapist to help you process your feelings. You can also build or create your own "family"....close friends with your best interests at heart. I'm not saying cut her off. I'm just saying build your life and she'll come around or she won't but you will have built your life.

I was the "good kid" in my family. Did the things to be proud of, never made trouble... still am that way. Have my "stuff" together. And no one thinks a wit about me. I get invited over my brothers house on one holiday - Christmas. Why? So I can provide my nephew a gift. No one comes to my new house. No one thinks about my needs.

Sometimes literally if you are the good kid they think
- person X -- man I have to do this for him or that for him
- person Y -- there is so much to fix there
- person C -- if I don't resolve that ...
You-- oh he is squared a way I don't need to worry about him.

It is possible she could be so busy with the urgent issues she doesn't think a lot about you or even that you need her to care or show it.

Sorry to hear about your family troubles Jason. You'll find a community of people here who can relate to your situation, more than you know, who can offer you emotional support and advice whenever you come here for it. This place helps me tremendously.