[Ksnell20]

I met this man around January and we instantly had a connection. We got along very well and seemed to fall in love pretty easily. He does make me very happy and I know I make him happy. However...I need some guidance with this issue.

This happened twice so far, once back at the beginning of March and currently now. My boyfriend suffers from bad depression due to his dad dying 7 years ago this year. Sometimes he gets into these moods and lashes out, says mean and hurtful things and usually tries to push me away.

He also suffers from relationship depression where he's had a rough past and is used to the women in his life hurting him or leaving him.

Then he met me. I am absolutely nothing like the rest of the girls he's been with. And just last week he was telling me how perfect I was and that he needs me. Before this how much he loved me and that we were gonna make it. Talked about all these plans. And at the beginning of us getting back together this second time (after about a week) he had said he realized where his heart was and that was with me.

Now he is back in his depression mode and has been trying to push me away again. Saying that he misses his best friend (his dad) and that he doesn't deserve to be happy that he deserves to be hurt and lied to and cheated on.

Despite my many tries to calm him down and reassure him that I will always be there for him like I have been since day one, he's not grasping it right now. I am a very calm person, I don't normally say things out of anger but I'm not sure how to handle this situation. It's frustrating but after many readings on depression I am starting to see what he is doing. I've talked to his mom and she said he's a mess to be around the house with.

He sent me an article last night that I attached..maybe he's tying to get me to understand him better??

The last thing we've said to each other was him saying I needed to cut the rope and let him go and not worry about him. But I responded and said I am not stopping worrying about you. That's what you want me to do because it's easiest and what you expect. This was yesterday and I didn't get a response.

I constantly remind him that I am there for him. But I also don't know if I should just give him his space and let him come to me or keep reassuring him even if I don't get a response right now. I am afraid of losing him for sure. I don't want to push him away even more.

During the 4 months we've been together so far I have gotten him to go to the doctors to get put on medication but I think his depression is a lot deeper then just needing medication.

I texted him this morning saying that I wanted to let him know I was thinking about him and that I'm always here for him...didn't get a response back for like an hour and was in an interview so I couldn't respond right away. Then he started blowing up my phone thinking that I was having sex with someone else and told me to leave him alone. That he thinks I'm lying about being there for him. The last thing I said to him was this...

I'm not giving up on you. You think I'm going to walk out of your life? Wrong. You think I'm going to hurt you? Not happening. I am here for you. Especially in times like these. You have me, and I'm not going anywhere. Just take some time for yourself. I'm here.

And he did not respond after that..

[Sunflower123]

If he pushes you away when he's depressed there is not a lot you can do aside from talking to him when he's not depressed about how it impacts you. Maybe you both can come up with a game plan for when that happens. I admire your tenacity in not letting go. Can you give him the space he needs when he is depressed? I'm sure your affirmations and reassurances are important during that time but he may simply need space.

[Manaolana98]

First, just want to say kudos to you for choosing to stick by his side. As someone who has struggled with depression, I can share that being abandoned is one of the most hurtful things we could go through. Although sometimes it may seem as if he is pushing you away and being "mean," it's clear that you recognize this is not the real him, but rather a way of lashing out because he is hurting. You seem like such an understanding and caring partner - exactly the kind of person he needs most in his life right now.

I would give him the space that he asks for. By sending you those articles, I'd say that he's working hard to explain how he's feeling, but oftentimes that's difficult, especially when the person we're trying to explain things hasn't been through the experience themselves. I think the absolute best thing you can do for him right now is to just be there, as counterproductive as that may seem. You are doing a very hard but good thing by letting him know you're sticking by his side during these difficult, emotionally challenging times. I understand your fear of losing him...that is completely understandable, especially because of the way he is acting. I would advise you to extend a kind or encouraging word every so often like you're doing, but don't overdo it. Give him time to think and stew a little bit. Maybe a text every day or two, but don't blow up his phone. He will know you are still there, even if you aren't always talking or together in person. By still being there after the storm dies down, you're showing him in the truest way possible that you are worthy of his trust and in it for the long run (I hope I'm right in saying that?). Over time, the two of you will learn how to navigate these choppy waters, and although it's never "easy," it does get more manageable.

Quick question, you mentioned his problem runs deeper than needing medication. Is he currently on medication? I'm wondering what else you feel would be a good means for working towards a healthier mindset...counseling, perhaps? Would he be open to that?

Blessings for taking the time invest in him.