[TLynn]

Does anybody have a fiance/husband/boyfriend that completely shuts down when he's mad at you? My fiance gets really quiet and ignores me until he gets over it. Well I get really upset that he won't talk so it ends up being a huge fight. The worse part is at times I don't know why he's mad, so I can't figure out why he's quiet!

[gloria]

You know? Maybe you should give him time to cool down, When I am mad I like to be on my own until I cool down. Then I talk about what ever issue was upseting me.
I can have a much healthier conversation once I have settle my feeling, I don't want to say things I don't truly mean when I'm angry and that is why I first cool down and then I talk.
Maybe he wants to do that too!
My two cents are, when he's mad, tell him that you love him and will give him the time to cool down, but, that you still want to talk about what upset him latter on to learn what is that you, or both of you need to do the next time to avoid upseting him again, or to learn how you can show him how much you care in a way that works for the both of you.

gab

[TLynn]

Thanks for the advise. Actually I think you are right with leaving him alone. I have a problem with wanting to resolve things at that moment. Well it creates a huge argument when I harass him. I will try next time to take your advise and let him cool down first!

Thanks for all the inputs.

[darkeyes]

My husband gets "weird", sometimes pouts, gets quiet and I guess even though he puts on a front that he is over it, holds it in. Sometimes he'll blow up, then he inserts words into my sentences that I was not about to say, this is very annoying so I then get loud and tell him to stop saying things I was not about to say, or he thinks I meant something I did not, ah, I guess both sexes are similar in these ways.
We all possess the ability to either be quiet, pout, withdraw and/or get vocal, some quiet themselves in attempt to prevent going ballistic, while others may quiet themselves in a way of withdrawing from a situation till they are ready to deal with it in a civilized manner.
The important thing though so many couples including myself, need to communicate, that is a tricky thing, counselars can teach couples communicating skills but once you get home and try them, many do not work, some do if both are willing to work at it, in my case unfortunately there are many times we seem to turn in other directions, even literally, going off to a different part of the house (form of retreat) after time passes we sort of cooled down and are better able to talk it out.
There is no perfect world, we can try with our partners to work things out, but there is not always going to be perfect agreements in everything. . . but what the hell we can try right?
Different personalities contribute to most disagreements, but yet can be fun, some personalities though different can compliment a couple. I do not know if I just made any sense, but my main point is to not give up, try to work things out and if need be consider seeing a marriage counselar (sp?) that can offer some tips on a better understanding.
Lots of luck,

DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[gloria]

You know? I am the type of person that when I am angry I need space, but when I am sad I need hugs and kisses like you wouldn't believe.
My sister needs the closeness in either case.
We are best friends!
You have no idea how hard it is for her to stay the heck away when I am mad, but she does a good job at it. And, Gosh it is hard for me to get close to her when she's angry, but I know that is what she wants, so I make the effort (big effort).

Relationships are about understanding what the other person needs and respecting it, among many other complicated things ...

gab

[TLynn]

Thanks for your response. It did make a lot of sense! We are going to premarital counseling. We've only had 1 session so far, but our next one is to discuss what we would like to work on. My #1 thing is communication.

I'll let you know how it goes!

[darkeyes]

Thanks, that #1 issue is the most important, I've been married 26 years, and know my husband for 31+ years, our communication really would be great, if "he" was a more attentive listener, ha!ha!
Relationships are more work than a full time job
Good luck and please let us know how it all goes.

Take care now,

DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[collegefriend]

after my guy firned and i get into a arguement (we aren't dating but we are VERY good friends) He will disapeer and he won't answer my calls or email of anything. Its especially hard now cause i work all the time im on call 24 hours a day so i never get to see him. I sometimes will catch him on messenger but I hate when he disapeers like that. It scares me cause i worry about him. but then after about maybe 4/5 days sometimes longer he will come back and we will talk and be better frinds

<font color=red> It's hard being a snowflake in a world of Cheerios!</font color=red>

[cleomaru]

why not ask him why AFTER he gets over it, he'll probably be more receptive. and hey, it's better than him blowing up at yuou

"don't kick the puppy" ~ j.e.p.