I'm so fed up with how often I get "trolled" by men online; especially when I'm naive enough to fall for the same spiel they give me, time after time (

).

"Show me your photo!" I barely know you. If I do that, you can now mess with me; lie about yourself, send me any photo you want from Google images, etc.,. and I have no way of knowing the truth.

I never used to even go online, let alone, join forums like PC. Sometimes, when these things happen I regret ever creating an online presence for myself. Because no one really is themselves online, are they? They're a digital version of themselves.

Even with online dating. I tried it for years with no luck. And the one relationship that came from that, was a total disaster because he was recently divorced, cheating on me the entire time with his work colleague (whom he cheated on his first wife with). Not to mention that he was emotionally abusive and displayed narcissistic tendencies that at the time, I wasn't informed about yet, or emotionally strong enough to fend off, until after the breakup. Bullet dodged, yes. Lesson learned, yes.

A place like PC has nice people, for sure. Otherwise, I never would have come here for support for myself. But when I encounter someone who trolls me, I shake my head, and wonder why my "troll trigger" still gets triggered again and again; that is, I fall for the same b.s., because of my stupid naivete and cautious optimism.

on the

for christ sake. Pfft.
When will I ever learn?!

[Onward2wards]

Some people are just really, really good at persuasion, manipulation and image management. People online are more open and less inhibited, I think. The manipulators know this and play their games with alacrity here. They just spoil things for everyone else.

((( cielpur )))

Oh soooo true Onward2wards! Yes, the manipulators seem to suss me out because I'm foolishly generous online with comments and feedback. I take the bait every time! I have enough hook marks (or scars). I don't want anymore. Yes, they spoil things for everyone else. It's embarrassing. Ugh.

Kajagoogoo forever. (Idiots shouldn't have dumped Limahl!)

I want to start a chat site that is paid for and people are vetted so they have to be their real selves. Many people, including myself are who I say I am online. I met my husband online and he was exactly as he claimed to be. I've made friends online who weren't who they pretended to be and that is sad. I've met people in person who weren't who they claimed to be in person. It's all a gamble and sneaky people can get away with more online unfortunately. I'm sorry you've had bad experiences. People can really suck. (((Hugs)))

I joined a chat site like the one you describe Elsa, and trolls still made their way in there and pretty much destroyed the camraderie, trust, and privacy, because the moderator wanted to be inclusive, knowing that if she (I knew her personally, too) let these people in, they would cause some trouble that she could control. Well, she lost control, and I left her private site because people gossiped, told lies, posted private information to publicly humiliate people on the site they didn't like and it just became a gross situation. Made me realize that just because people are old enough to be adults, doesn't mean they'll act that way.

But you're correct Elsa. People will lie about themselves, even in person, not just online. There really is no way to protect oneself from sneaky people. Sure, your gut feeling alarm bells can go off, but not always.

My gut instincts and alarm bells go off about people all the time. I don't think it's all mental illness....I get a feeling about people and have learned the hard way that one should follow their gut and protect themselves. I've been screwed over in person far more than I've ever been screwed over online. Because people suck and many are not very nice or open minded. I used to think my mental illness made me get bad feelings about people and I needed to fight against it. I now know that I'm actually just pretty perceptive when it comes to people and reading their motives. I used to think this made me overly judgemental but it doesn't. If people are genuinely kind to me and good people, I can see it....and when they are not, I see that too. I used to want to help people who weren't kind because I thought they were in pain and needed help. I could not relate to them just being jerks who enjoyed hurting others but yeah, some people just really are horrible. Maybe someday there will be a machine that allows you to see if someone is a good, honest and kind person. Wars could be ended and world peace could be a reality! Until then we must be careful. an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure....might be cliche but it's also true.

Same here Elsa (I've been screwed over by people I thought were my friend). And even after I learn the hard way, it still happens, even when my alarm bells are slapping me in the face with red flag after red flag. I think I'm perceptive of people too, but I don't call them out on their b.s. as often as I have the right to. I wish I did that more often -- call people out on their b.s., even if they deny it. I never wanted to help jerks become better people. They're bad people. They don't want to change. Their comfortable in their own pain. They swim in it. Til it prunes their fingers.

We have machines that help us see people's natures -- online social media platforms. Onward has a point; there are some crafty buggars out there who are experts at handling their public image and being deceitful. They just know how to manipulate people really, really, well. They can sense the person's vulnerability (even online), and troll the hell out of that poor person, before the person realizes they've been duped.

But like you, I follow the path of, "if people are genuinely kind to me and are good people," then I learn to trust them because I know they have my best interest at heart. Finding those people is hard. Esp. online. So many disingenuous people online (and in real life).

I just though of a Dorothy Parker quote, "what other people think of me, is none of my business." I agree with Parker to a certain extent. What the jerks think of me, is none of my business...until it interferes with my happiness, as it has been these past five years. I can't get anywhere in the creative communities that I once belonged to and thrived in, because of some rather vindictive, nasty, superficial, jerky, people. And to those people, I saw, "Argo ***** yourself." *middle finger*

I'm so sorry you were duped. I was on so many occasions and it's just ripped me apart when it happens after I saw it coming but ignored it.....that's happened to me too. Uggg. Makes ya feel so much more stupid. But my confusion gets so much worse because I have PTSD and other mental health problems which cause me to not trust at a pathological level. So my therapists would encourage me to trust more, but every time I do I get screwed! Lol....it's not even funny it's so true. Uggg. Yes, very horrible people walking about. It's a tough world to walk amongst such devils.

Cielpur, Sorry you were trolled. Having a online presence sometimes seems a bit unreal and artificial to me. I try to be myself as much as I can but when you are anonymous, you just feel a bit less accountable in some ways. I appreciate the way you and ElsaMars sometimes put yourself out there on this forum. You are both quite empathetic. It is a shame if people sometimes take advantage of that because I think you have helped so many people. So, are our true personalities magnified (the good, bad, ugly) or does our parallel online presence just cause us a lot of confusion?

Sometimes, I regret ever creating my online presence because I let my guard down with other users online, who later betray my trust, expose my identity to the forum, and have nothing but bad intentions.

In another forum I belonged to, there was one poster who ruled the social chat room and if anyone disagreed with this person, they went behind the scenes and spread gossip about the other person, and even manipulated others into contacting the other person via PM, to incite drama.

At one point, this person made me their target, and suddenly my PM inbox was flooded with PMs from certain posters whom
I knew to be their lackeys (for lack of a better term), whose goal was to incite drama with me by harassing me via PM, posting snippets of private PM's I had with other posters (who were now part of this online Shakespearean tragedy). It got to the point, where the site's moderators finally got involved and did a major thread and user cleanup.

But the trolls came back with different usernames to incite drama on this poster's behalf again. I was even told in a PM that they were texting another user they had befriended offline, instructions on how to "take down people online" which is super scary. I had let my guard down with five people on that other site, and those five people betrayed my trust, exposed my true identity, and scared me offline by contacting me without my permission (I didn't give them my phone number or address yet they found it somehow online).

So, that's why I'm spooked again, now that something similar has happened here of all places. But, I don't think online trolls discriminate about what forums they visit to incite drama on. I wish I could delete myself completely from PC, and erase my online presence here now that this has happened to me. Oh well.

[Onward2wards]

There are two ways of dealing with any situation - adapt yourself to it, or adapt it to suit you. Which way works for the individual depends on a lot of different variables and what your desired end result is.

Personally I tend to adapt myself way too much to circumstances rather than adapting them to suit me, so I would prefer to learn how to deal with people's social games online rather than withdrawing and calling it good for my own sanity. Which way you go is completely up to you though (there is such a thing as flogging a dead horse, after all). If you do decide to leave PC or any other sites that aren't working well for you, that's totally okay, but please keep in touch somehow. I think you're a good person to know.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you've had those experiences and gone through so much. Those people you mentioned on your last post are just sick and disgusting. I've endured trauma at the hands of other people since I was very young so I don't trust easily. Aside from that, stories like those on Web of Lies scare me to death. Please be careful with your on-line activities. Having said that, there are diamonds in the rough so to speak. They're just hard to find. Best wishes on finding them....

I feel like the internet has really been ruined. I grew up in the age of good internet and I still want to use it to make friends and romantic partners but, that time has passed. The internet is filled with crazy trolls; and users.

All the stories I see in here are true.
- at one point I had a blog and someone made it her personal mission to "unmask" me in real life and when she couldn't do that she spread crazy rumors about me on the internet. I do not know what inspires some people but I believe her anger was at the idea that somehow I would make money off the blog, which, I didn't. I suspect she didn't like what I was saying and wanted to get back at me so her will on the internet could be restored.
- don't even talk to me about online dating, I am convinced they are ALL scammers.
- When I try to sell something on Facebook or offer up... all I get is scum that are trying to scam me. There is no one legitimate who wants to buy my product and 1/2 the time they are just trying to lure me out and rob me.

On a lower level I find a lot of message boards to be "ruled" by obnoxious people that do not want discussion... they just want their rule. They come in, take over, and just rude enough to make you feel bad so the *moderators* won't discipline them. And suddenly you are silenced.
I have noticed when I send in an inquiry to like "home advisor" that information goes to a lot of people who shouldn't have it... fly by night places... and I do not want some former criminal who is a "handyman" getting my name or address that way. So now I just lie about everything BUT my e-mail which gives no information away.

Finally if anyone wants you to e-mail them instead of talking via the internet portal.. don't do it. E-mails contain in meta data your IP address which can identify where you are from and also... what your provider is. Over time.. with enough information they can get your name and address. There are some ways to mask this but you have to be aware and take precautions.

I've tried to adapt to it. But as history shows, I STILL fall victim to trolling no matter how much I know about online trolls. They are hard to predict, until after they troll you. Sure, there are clear warning signs to look out for (some are common sense, some are more intuitive warning signs). If I decide to leave PC I'll let you know Onward. Thanks for the comment about me being a nice person to know. I try to be. So for now, I'm gonna stay.

Yeah, that group of people from the other forum were like a pack of wolves, with a gang mentality. I wasn't the only poster they ganged up on, in full metal jacket mode, out for blood. It was ridiculous. It started with a male poster flirting me with and four other female posters. When we all found out, the ***** hit the fan as they say. We called him out on his shenanigans via PMs, because he had added us to his Facebook. He didn't realize we'd all figure it out once he added us to his Facebook. Idiot.

But the queen of the social chatroom did not like it, when attention was taken away from her. She had a romance going on with another male poster, who liked to send inappropriate, flirty PMs to other female posters. He did it to me. I PM'd her about it; she accused me of flirting with him first, knowing he wasn't single, etc. It was like a daytime soap opera there. She texted her pals to go after me via PMs; and two of them gave up their lackey role and spilled the beans on how she operates behind the scenes. I had to laugh. Who has the time for all of that? She stopped posting once she moved to the country where the male poster lived, and then all was calm again; until she returned then that forum was off kilter again because she was busy puppeteering people behind the scenes again. I mean, wow. So I left that place.

I will definitely keep my guard up online, and continue to seek out the diamonds in the rough. I feel like I've already found a few diamonds here, maybe. I will just have to keep getting to know posters.

I agree with you Emily, that the Internet has had an ominous shadow cast over it, with the way online trolls operate in online forums and message boards. You're observation is spot on, about how some message boards and even forums, get hijacked and "ruled" by obnoxious, almost narcissistic personalities who don't want to participate in the discussion, as much as they want the adoration and the attention from everyone online in that place.

I won't give out my email address again unless I were to do a Google chat with the other poster. But even that's no guarantee they won't do something crazy with your IP address. I won't exchange photos or email addresses with anyone until I feel I can trust them.

I appreciate the support. I feel stupid that I let this happen.

[~Christina]

As for bullshyttt pics .. Easiest solution is to ask them to hold a Item YOU choose and take a selfie..

Your picking the item ensures he is who he says/ shows he is.

Hold a bottle of water in right hand.
Put a pencil behind your left ear
Hold a wadded up Walmart bag

Anyway at least a way to find out if they are truthful about looks at least .

If they dont respond then they are probably looking to deceive people.

Sorry you have to go through this.
To be honest, I'm also sorry to hear this as someone who's attempting to talk to women on online sites. Wish there was a way to show intentions of serious relationships.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

As for bullshyttt pics .. Easiest solution is to ask them to hold a Item YOU choose and take a selfie..

Your picking the item ensures he is who he says/ shows he is.

Hold a bottle of water in right hand.
Put a pencil behind your left ear
Hold a wadded up Walmart bag

Anyway at least a way to find out if they are truthful about looks at least .

If they dont respond then they are probably looking to deceive people.

The problem with that, is Google images can reproduce exactly what you ask the person to do. There are literally millions of images online, available to the public, to use for their own purpose. While it is a good suggestion, unfortunately, it's not a reliable method of finding out who the person really is. I think the only way to accomplish that, is to do a video chat with the person. But most internet trolls won't do that.

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

Sorry you have to go through this.
To be honest, I'm also sorry to hear this as someone who's attempting to talk to women on online sites. Wish there was a way to show intentions of serious relationships.

Thanks. Well, the internet isn't the most reliable place to meet people. What with all the news stories of victims of people they met online. Those are the worst case scenarios. At the very least, people lie online about themselves online; they post fake pictures, create a fictitious narrative about who they are, where they're from. If you really want to meet someone, I think the best way to do that is offline, in real life. I tried online dating and it was a disaster for me. I'll never do it again.

Originally Posted by cielpur

If you really want to meet someone, I think the best way to do that is offline, in real life. I tried online dating and it was a disaster for me. I'll never do it again.

I have come to that conclusion as well. Weird huh? The internet seemed like such a way to bring people together and lately, it seems to tear them apart.

I have another problem that I can't tell if it is due to the trolls or what.. but I have trouble seeing online dating photos as anything but scary and gross. It could just be me but the photos are almost always HORRIBLE. I mean. They don't even try at all. That upsets me because it seems like it says at the top of the photo... I am not going to anything for you at all. I will never do anything to win you.. you will conform to me and settle. And that is what I expect.

But in real life, even if I meet the most horrific looking guy, just seeing them interact, getting the little background hints you miss with online dating... makes them more approachable. You get little background signals in real life that help really determine intent.

Now.. where do you meet good men in real life?

Emily, there are a slew of articles online about "ghost profiles" of members of both men and women, on all of the commonly known online dating websites. I wouldn't put much trust into any photos of anyone unless they are from a friend's Instagram account.

In real life at least you can read the person's body language, get the subtext of what they're saying to you, and to other people. Online dating takes away the sensory details we need to really judge if the other person is worth our time or not. That is just based on my horrible experience with online dating.

Originally Posted by cielpur

Emily, there are a slew of articles online about "ghost profiles" of members of both men and women, on all of the commonly known online dating websites. I wouldn't put much trust into any photos of anyone unless they are from a friend's Instagram account.

Yeh. I mean they kind of force the issue as they make it impossible to see what the site has to offer unless you sign up. But why even post a photo at all. And also, why make them so horrible?

Another problem is the proliferation of sites. It brings the odds down of you meeting anyone because the pool in that site is so small. I kind of thought that having a site devoted to hooking up (tinder) might help but it doesn't.

My cousin met someone by posting a good old personal ad on a newspaper (and they are married) maybe it is time to go old school.

[~Christina]

You cant google a guy and ask him to hold up a water bottle and another pic of him with a pencil without seeing it is in fact the same person.

I would never Vidoe chat with someone I dont have a clue about, But that is just me.