[Artchic528]

I've been on a few dates with this guy and we've decided to take our relationship to the next level. I'm pretty sure we're boyfriend/girlfriend now. I've just had to tie a few loose ends before I decide to change my facebook status from "single" to "in a relationship". You see, I've been on a couple of dates with this other guy and try as I might, it wasn't working out. So, I've left this other guy this note on via FB messenger, and I hope it didn't sound too terribly cliché. Did it? Here is what I wrote.

I really hate to say it, but I feel we may not be compatible. It's nothing you did or said, but rather, how I felt around you. I feel like we may be better off as friends. I was afraid to tell you this because I didn't want to hurt you. I've never actually been in this position before. If you don't want to be friends, that I can understand. It's just, I've tried, and tried to make this work in my head and heart and it doesn't happen. You're an awesome guy and deserve an awesome girl, however, that just isn't going to be me. I am so sorry.

[gothicpear]

I think it sounds like you have done what you can to let him down as easily as possible. You were honest that it wasn't working out for you. You were honest that you do like him and hope to be his friend. I am not sure if he will accept that offer of friendship or not, and you will need to be okay if he deletes/blocks you. Sometimes, a person cannot go from really liking to you friends easily.

Best wishes with your new relationship!

[azu-nyan]

It's better he had your honesty and wasn't led on to a point of which he got very hurt from it (and not to mention, now you can be in a relationship you feel better about being in!), good luck with things

[wolfgaze]

Kudos to you for having the consideration to communicate openly/honestly to the individual - instead of either stringing him along or just ignoring him (which is what some other people choose to do)....

[Sunflower123]

Your message was very considerate and it was nice of you to not keeping him hanging. Good luck in your new relationship....

[unaluna]

Why not just say, im pursuing something with someone else? Thats one of the options that eharmony gives you. I think thats better than some poor guy having to read a long hurtful essay about why he got cut from the team.

[MickeyCheeky]

The message seems pretty ok to me. You're being honest but not mean. Good luck with your relationship!

Either way (the option of telling him you're pursing a relationship with someone else, or that you just weren't compatible from your view), I think you did the right thing Artchic, telling him that you were no longer interested. That shows you were considerate of his feelings, because most people who online date, just ghost (i.e. go silent) on the person, never to be heard from again, which is a totally rude thing to do. But you were considerate of his feelings, so that show you are a genuine person. Best of luck to you with your new relationship!

[divine1966]

I think you did well but after just two dates I think it's ok not to explain anything. I am not saying it's ok to just vanish but since you two didn't really date etc you aren't under any obligation to say anything.

[Artchic528]

Damn! Now the guy is saying he wants to leave the country because he's really hurt. He said he never felt a connection with anyone like he had with me. Is he trying to make me feel guilty now? I just feel he is trying to taint my relationship with my boyfriend.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Damn! Now the guy is saying he wants to leave the country because he's really hurt. He said he never felt a connection with anyone like he had with me. Is he trying to make me feel guilty now? I just feel he is trying to taint my relationship with my boyfriend.

Block him.

[unaluna]

Men dont think like women do. The only reason a man will accept, is that you now belong to another man. They respect the bro code.

For some people, it just becomes a game they want to win. They dont even like YOU that much, but you are not allowed to drop them - they will drop you.

Dont let them mess with your head!

[Artchic528]

I am with another man right now. A very sweet and handsome guy I care about a lot. Granted, we've only just started going out, and haven't even made it official on Facebook yet, so would making it official there help? Would that send the message that I'm committed to someone else now?

[scorpiosis37]

Just block this guy from all your social media, phone, etc. You don't need to do anything more to "convince" him of anything. You owe him nothing. He also does not care about you. For one, you don't know each other well enough for him to be that invested. Moreover, you have made your wishes clear and he is refusing to respect them. Just block him before things have the chance to get out of hand.

[Erebos]

Ok, first of all 2 dates is not enough time to know ANYTHING about another person never mind believing you have some deep intense connection that you couldn't have with anyone else.
He is either pulling the guilt trip and in doing so is proving he is an ***.
Or he believes it, which proves he is probably not stable. Either way, I would write him off, for both your sakes. Since he obviously can't/doesn't want to be friends.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Damn! Now the guy is saying he wants to leave the country because he's really hurt. He said he never felt a connection with anyone like he had with me. Is he trying to make me feel guilty now? I just feel he is trying to taint my relationship with my boyfriend.

Oh gee. If he is moving out of the country because somebody didn't want to see him after few dates then he has serious issues. You can't fix those issues. He needs to seek help. Don't let it upset you. I understand if he was heart broken after long term marriage. But please...moving out of the country? Like where??? Block him.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Men dont think like women do. The only reason a man will accept, is that you now belong to another man. They respect the bro code.

For some people, it just becomes a game they want to win. They dont even like YOU that much, but you are not allowed to drop them - they will drop you.

Dont let them mess with your head!

Very good point about bro code. My long term ex just wouldn't accept that me leaving was permanent and I moved on. He kept making promises and professing love and suggestions how things could improve etc He only completely stopped when I said I am exclusively dating someone. He immediately apologized for bothering me and wished me the best and never again bugged me in this manner.

[unaluna]

Its not ALL men, but for those for whom it is true, it is an absolute truth. Its like, they are not going to respect a woman's word or decision, but if another MAN says something, yes they will respect another man. But NEVER a mere woman!

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Its not ALL men, but for those for whom it is true, it is an absolute truth. Its like, they are not going to respect a woman's word or decision, but if another MAN says something, yes they will respect another man. But NEVER a mere woman!

Lol, I've found that to be very true! And, they will only 'let you go' when they approve of their replacement. I had a bf who said he wouldn't let me break up with him for 'some camel jockey'.

ArtChic, you don't owe any guy you've only dated a few times any explanation. Typically, they ask you out, and you tell them you've started seeing someone else and refuse the date only when they ask for one.

But, I think telling him was nice. He's leaving the country??? That's really weird.

[Artchic528]

Great, now that my boyfriend and I changed our status from single to in a relationship with eachother on facebook, that guy and his friends just had to comment on the "life event".

Artchic, I have married friends who don't even list "married" on their Facebook profile. A few do, but most don't. When I was in a relationship, I never made that public on Facebook. My thought is, "it's no one's business but mine and the man I'm dating." If we took photos together, I'd post them on my Facebook page and tag him. But that's as far as it went.

How long have you and this guy dated for?

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by cielpur

Artchic, I have married friends who don't even list "married" on their Facebook profile. A few do, but most don't. When I was in a relationship, I never made that public on Facebook. My thought is, "it's no one's business but mine and the man I'm dating." If we took photos together, I'd post them on my Facebook page and tag him. But that's as far as it went.

How long have you and this guy dated for?

You mean with my boyfriend? We've been dating a few weeks now. I have friends and family who post birth and wedding announcements on facebook.

[Artchic528]

Oh shyte, his friends are saying that the guy had a seizure and was in the hospital. He has a history of seizures I think. How do I just block them all?

[divine1966]

If you only saw each other few times I don't understand why you are friends on Facebook and why you keep communicating on Facebook not only with him but also his friends. It is so unneccesary.

They are strangers and have access to your life now. It's unsafe.

I am a bit surprised you consider to be in a relationship after just few weeks . And you even made it public. Be careful, take things slower

I agree with divine. I fell into this trap a few times myself, adding men I was dating far too soon; then suddenly his friends and family had access to all of my private information. It ruined all of those (albeit brief) relationships, if they can even be called that, having not lasted more than a couple of months.

I know that you two are excited right now to be with each other, because at 3 weeks, you're still in the honeymoon phase of dating. That's still waaay too early to categorize yourselves in a relationship together. Give it a few months, and then bring up the "R" word.

It's very unsafe that his friends have access to who you are, before he even knows you well enough. I'd just explain the situation to him, before you delete his friends and him from your profile. Or you can at the very least, change your FB settings to block them from viewing your photos and your public posts on your own FB wall.