On the verge of a breakdown

Whiis,

This urge you have to delete yourself from this site? I know it's hard but don't do it. I used to get triggered and wanted to delete, then even thought about changing my name too. Then I decided not to do that and not giving in to wanting to run. I have PTSD so that desire to run can be very strong.

When others trigger you practice stepping back instead of running and this is a good place to practice that. It sounds like you get triggered like you did when you went to your mother and she laughed at you for struggling with emotional pain.

Yes, you know emotions but you struggle to allow yourself to have them it triggers you to where you don't feel safe. It's not surprising you experience anger a lot because anger is an emotion that produces adreneline so one can "act" which can mean flight or fight.

You are making the right choice to leave this BF, he has dragged you into living a lifestyle where you are wasting away. You have to learn how to not put other's feelings above yours and to finally work on learning about your own emotions and what to do about them. DBT therapy is helpful with that.

Right now you are triggered and have a desire to run so practice allowing yourself to distance until that urge quiets down and it will, then if you see a certain member triggers you put that member on your ignore list so they cannot post in your threads and you won't see his/her posts unless you want to.

You have taken an important step, good for you, it's going to be one day at a time, one foot in front of the other for a while now, and as you do that you can slowly learn the different emotions you are feeling and that it's ok to feel them and finally understand YOUR own emotions.