[akerstache]

As a background, I was with a girl for five months before she broke it off after I slacked off a bit. We remained going back-and-forth in a grey area where we were acting as if we were in a relationship.
She broke things off twice more, with the last time happening a few weeks ago. I know that a relationship with her is not good for my mental health.

I had finally resolved that it was over and I began to move on. I had just done so when she asked me to come to her place for dinner. It was fine, nothing came out of it until the next day. She asked why I broke her heart and began to cry.

She then began to tell me that all she ever wanted was to be my girl, that she has always loved me from the bottom of her heart and that she can't bear the fact that I had moved on. I left the house and went back home because of a doctor's appointment.

Later on we had a long phone conversation where she eventually forced me to say that I didn't want to be with her. I could tell that it was devastating, we both cried and I felt so awful for doing it. She called again twice more and asked me to say that it wasn't true. She said how I'm the only one she has wanted to marry and have children with (but we're both only 23). She is a very emotional person with a long history of issues. I can't stand to see her sad.

Her trump card was that if I have moved on then she never wants to see me again. I don't want that to happen. I want to be friends with her because she has meant so much to me regardless of the relatnionship. I am best friends with her older sister as well and I don't want to lose her either.

Eventually, against every single fibre of my being I said that I will give it another chance. I do wish that it could have worked but I was so confident that it hadn't and that it was over. I was just hurting so much and I wanted to make her feel better.

Now I'm stuck in a position where I am with her again out of guilt. I can't just turn around now and change my mind after all that has happened. I am looking for every excuse to find a way to end it. I am so angry at myself for once again putting my mental health on the line.

My parents don't know that I have taken her back and I'm terrified to tell them because they will be very angry that I didn't let go. It will take too much energy to deceive them. I know that my guilt will only increase if I decide to break up with her in the future.

[unaluna]

I have this recurring nightmare, that is similar, that i get back together with my ex-husbands, then realize i made a big mistake again, and how am i going to tell them. Its really a horrible horrible nightmare!

Maybe think about - shes playing like she is the weak one, but she is really the strong one here, isnt she? She is getting HER way, and YOU are the weak one. That kinda stinks. If you want her to boss you around for the rest of your life, then keep doing what youre doing. Only you can decide what you really want.

[Agent Misty]

First of all, you can absolutely turn around and change your mind, no matter what happened. Second, if your hiding the relationship from your parents, they obviously feel strongly that you two are wrong together due to everything that has happened, and you shouldn't ignore that sign. Also, you are only hurting this girl and yourself by staying any longer. Lastly, if you do stop talking to her, you have to literally STOP talking to her. Breaking up with her will be hard on her, but it will be harder if you continue to answer her calls and texts after the final break is made, and probably wven make the break up fail. if your going to leave, don't sit there and let her guilt you and beg you for days until you just end back up where you are now. I was in a co dependant relationship for 2 years where I tried to break up for half of that time, but kept giving him the chance to guilt me back in some way. It will only work if you stop communication. You will have to sit through the ringing phone and delete the messages until eventually they stop coming. (Took a whole month in my case for that ex to stop sending messages and calling, even though i never responded).

You don't need an excuse to do it. The real reason you want to do it is good enough. You're young and its hard to know exactly what you want sometimes. it might come off as you were messing with her feelings or whatever else. Fact of the matter is, you just didnt make the right choices in the matter. Fix it and youll both move on. Next time you will actually have the experience not to make decisions for not so good reasons when others feelings are at stake. (Such as.... trying to spare her feelings by agreeing to what you cant truly commit to with her, as in a loving relationship).

[Rose76]

You're terrified of your parents becoming angry over you seeing this girl again . . . terrified. What's so terrifying about your parents being angry? You need to put some distance between them and you. Do you live with them? If so, you need to be working on getting your own place. Even while living there, you need to put some distance emotionally between you and them. It's simply not their business to be paying that much attention to your love life.

Wanting to break up, but stay friends, is wrong thinking. It's hurtful to her for you to keep hanging around in her life as a "friend." As heartbroken as she may get, she can get over it, if you leave her. You don't have to justify leaving her as something you must do for your mental health. It's perfectly okay for you to decide that you aren't happy in this relationship, want out and are ready to move on. Five months of dating does not give her some rightful claim on you. Next time you two break up, cut the strings and really move on. You may have to distance yourself a bit from her sister too. Cross-gender friendships among young, single people aren't always the healthiest of relationships. All three of you are at the stage of life where you are seeking mates. That needs to take precedence.

You are making very important decisions based on what other people want you to do, such as your parents and this girl. As you're discovering, it's impossible to keep them all happy. Focus on doing what is good for you.

[Bill3]

Google emotional blackmail .

This is what she has been doing to you.

Listen to the previous posters here. Break up with her and cut all ties.

[Artchic528]

I don't see why people who once dated each other can't remain friends. I've seen it happen before.

On the flipside, I agree that what she is doing is emotional blackmail and that continues to reek havoc on your already frazzled nerves and emotional state. She is obviously not the type that will settle for being just friends, so leaving her and ceasing all communications is the best route, no matter how difficult it may be.

[Sunflower123]

I concur that what she is doing is emotional blackmail. She is manipulating you if that makes it easier to understand. I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. She broke up with you multiple times but turns on the waterworks when you try to move on? I agree she has issues. Please break it off in order to protect your own well being. You don't need to come up with a reason for breaking up. You could simply say it's not working out.

I hope you can break this off without feeling guilty and move on. Best wishes.

I don't think you need be angry at yourself, it was a difficult situation and you learned a lot from it - take the lessons you needed to learn and you're wiser for it.

As others say she has manipulated you. It's probably just as well she doesn't want to stay friends (if she was still in your life she might continue to try to manipulate you). I think in some cases people can stay friends, but usually when the break up is more amicable.

[Erebos]

Er...yeah you can, you sit her down and say. I don't love you, this relationship fks me upl. I took you back because I felt bad.

Then you stop trying to be friends with her because that will hurt her a thousand times more than if you just walk away.
You cannot just slide into a friendship when these emotions are flying around.
I absolutely agree there is emotional blackmail going on, she is desperate, undulating at anything to make you stay.

Do the decent thing, be the stronger person and cut her loose and stop playing with her emotions. And before you say you aren't, you took her back when you didn't want her. So...

P.s yes some relationships can end in friendship, but not when there is this level of emotional instability going on, and an obvious issue with boundaries.

[MickeyCheeky]

I don't think I need to add anything.. run away as soon as you can.