So here's the deal. I have this friend (or at this point, most likely former friend) who I helped support last Nov-Dec. He's a great kid but has a lot of mental health issues and struggles to support himself because his relatives are abusive little pricks. His grandfather, in particular, who has raised him most of his life is the worst. I won't go into details as to the abuse this subhuman pile of trash caused but I will say the man is so mentally unstable right now that I had to stop talking to my friend out of fear of my well being or possibly even my life because the man threatened to come to my Apt with his pistol because I dared stand up to him.

Anyways, I let my friend live with me in my small studio Apt. back when I first got it late last year. He took over my living room and I slept in the back. I was helping him start up an eBay resell business for him to make some extra income because he struggled to hold a full time job because of his issues. I gave him a bunch of things to sell to build feedback and I even offered to pay him a much higher fee than what is typical for him selling my things for me because I truly wanted to help him.

About a couple of weeks before Christmas last year, his grandfather came over to my Apt. unannounced and drunk wanting to talk to my friend and I told him basically to get the hell out or I'm calling the police. My friend talked to him anyways despite my protests.

Then a week later, he came back after being gone for 2 days claiming he was having his car fixed and started packing up his things and leaving. I asked him WTF he was doing and he said he was going back with his grandfather. He left some of his things with me but took most of his stuff. Oh and he took a bunch of my money that was in his PayPal account and wouldn't even send it to me. He owes me at least $240 and I doubt I will ever get my money back again.

So anyways, I had a serious bedbug infestation this past month that was so bad I had to throw out my bed along with what little furnature that I have and I can't afford to buy anymore right now. I've been sleeping on the hard floor because I don't own even a mattress or a sofa. I found out that the source of the bedbugs was from none other than the crap my friend left with me.

Since finding this out, I've been so angry that I have had thoughts of hurting him. I want to go to where he's staying and kick his *** and kneecap his grandfather with a sledgehammer. I hate them both and I think my friend is a coward for letting his grandfather control him like a little ***** instead of standing up to him or even trying to make amends to me through the internet or something. He has all of my contact information including my Skype, phone number, email, and a couple of other ways that his technological illiterate pile of trash grandfather wouldn't be able to understand, but he hasn't even tried to get in touch with me.

Seriously, WTF do I even do?

Just cut them out of your life, simple.

I had an ex who spent over $1000 of my money on drugs, and I will never see it again. Sometimes you have to let go and move on. Stewing in anger is only going to hurt yourself, and doing something foolish like harming them will lead to a lot of trouble for you.

I want to but he's probably the only real life friend that I have left. I don't want to cut him out completely because it's not his fault he was abused most of his life.

He was like a brother to me and I miss him.

Still though this whole situation makes me angry. I wish his grandfather would die already. He's old and washed up and doesn't take care of himself. I wish death on him.

I feel better now that I got a full day of gaming in so no worries I'm not going to do anything stupid haha

I'll just let him go for now. Hopefully his grandfather will die of old age soon so I can have my friend back. He will have the means to contact me on Skype, email, and my game accounts for now.

I'll be waiting in the void.

[Keeki04]

I think it's good for you to want to help your friend, but when will your friend help himself? I'm not saying to leave him out on the streets, but even if his grandfather dies what does this guarantee? You both have to move on and how long can he survive, if you don't? You might be the only helping from the bottom of your heart, but he has to want help to be helped, not take advantage of his friend who puts his wellbeing on the line for him. I say to think about a future with or without him and weigh them both, what are the pros and cons and are they worth it in the long run?

Originally Posted by Keeki04

I think it's good for you to want to help your friend, but when will your friend help himself? I'm not saying to leave him out on the streets, but even if his grandfather dies what does this guarantee? You both have to move on and how long can he survive, if you don't? You might be the only helping from the bottom of your heart, but he has to want help to be helped, not take advantage of his friend who puts his wellbeing on the line for him. I say to think about a future with or without him and weigh them both, what are the pros and cons and are they worth it in the long run?

Honestly, I don't know. He's not a bad person and he's even helped me a lot in my past during times where I was much worse off than I am now. I have never had a problem with him or is grandfather until I stood up to him that day. I guess that's what I get for putting that narcissistic pile of garbage in his place. Seriously, the life of a cockroach has more value to me than him.

I don't see him being able to function in society on his own; I think he will need my help one day. I guess why I care so much is because I see a lot of myself in him.

Even though I'm pissed at him, I still want to help. I just want him to reach out to me is all. I don't give a damn about pros or cons or the long run; I want to help one of the few people who has accepted me for who I am even after seeing me without my mask and to hell with everybody else.

[avlady]

there is only so much a person can do for a friend then you have to let them learn the old way sometimes by giving them up for awhile and see that they need to take care of themselves.

[Keeki04]

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

Honestly, I don't know. He's not a bad person and he's even helped me a lot in my past during times where I was much worse off than I am now. I have never had a problem with him or is grandfather until I stood up to him that day. I guess that's what I get for putting that narcissistic pile of garbage in his place. Seriously, the life of a cockroach has more value to me than him.

I don't see him being able to function in society on his own; I think he will need my help one day. I guess why I care so much is because I see a lot of myself in him.

Even though I'm pissed at him, I still want to help. I just want him to reach out to me is all. I don't give a damn about pros or cons or the long run; I want to help one of the few people who has accepted me for who I am even after seeing me without my mask and to hell with everybody else.

I agree, that helping is the right thing to do, because you both support each other. How did you open up to him when you needed a hand? Some of our problems can be solved through our own situations, maybe think about a time when you needed help, but wouldn't open up to anyone until you could. Use that as the starting point to help him. As his friend I'm suspecting you would be the only one who could help him.

Originally Posted by Keeki04

I agree, that helping is the right thing to do, because you both support each other. How did you open up to him when you needed a hand? Some of our problems can be solved through our own situations, maybe think about a time when you needed help, but wouldn't open up to anyone until you could. Use that as the starting point to help him. As his friend I'm suspecting you would be the only one who could help him.

He's going to be difficult to get a hold of simply because he shut his phone off and rarely checks his email or Skype. I might have to go over there in person and hunt him down but that will be difficult for me because his grandfather is a mentally unstable lunatic so I probably wouldn't be able to leave without getting into a fight with him because if I see him again and he says one wrong thing to me I'm kicking his *** IDGAF if I go to jail; you hurt my friends you get hurt.

So it might be best for me to let him go for now and help him when I'm in a better mental state.

[Keeki04]

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

He's going to be difficult to get a hold of simply because he shut his phone off and rarely checks his email or Skype. I might have to go over there in person and hunt him down but that will be difficult for me because his grandfather is a mentally unstable lunatic so I probably wouldn't be able to leave without getting into a fight with him because if I see him again and he says one wrong thing to me I'm kicking his *** IDGAF if I go to jail; you hurt my friends you get hurt.

So it might be best for me to let him go for now and help him when I'm in a better mental state.

Sorry, it's been a long time since I last replied, but I do hope the situation kinda dissolved itself to help resolve itself (lol see what I did there). I hope everything worked out for you in the end though.

Originally Posted by Keeki04

Sorry, it's been a long time since I last replied, but I do hope the situation kinda dissolved itself to help resolve itself (lol see what I did there). I hope everything worked out for you in the end though.

Nothing has changed. If something changed, I would have replied to this thread further.

I really wish people would refrain from reviving my dead threads because it just makes things more confusing than they need to be.

[Sassandclass]

I'm just reading all of this now, and wanted to chime in on the "narcissist" characteristic you mentioned. That may actually be a nugget of truth.
If the grandfather truly is a narcissist, then standing up to him is something that would have triggered him (this is not your fault, this is his deal). Narcissistic people are famous for their inability to take any perceived criticism, and subsequently their ability to manipulate people around them to isolate the person who criticized them. They launch smear campaigns against their target person. They target the victim (you) and get others against you. (I have personal experience dealing with a very cunning narc).
I'm wondering if the grandfather has scared and manipulated your friend into breaking contact with you by intimidating him and launching a smear campaign against you. A narc is so good at this, even people who know them well can fall victim to their lies, and believe their manipulation. Your friend may be a pawn in his grandfathers schemes without even knowing it.

[Sunflower123]

Hope things work out with your friend. Best wishes.