[Otherworlder92]

I really need some advice on this complicated situation that I've got myself into. For the past year I have been cheating on my wife with a woman who I honestly I was in love and who I thought really loved me but I've come to realized that she doesn't truly feel the same way about me. So recently I've been trying to break things off with her but she won't let me . She keeps saying she is going to kill herself or hurt herself if I leave her. I just don't know what to do next in this situation so I really would appreciate any advice.

Hello Otherworlder92, welcome to PC! I hope you find your time here to be of benefit.

This is a difficult situation to be in. It sounds like you want to break it off with this woman, so I definitely encourage you to do that. If she says she will harm herself you can always call 911 to report that, and they will force her into the hospital. There is not much you can do aside from that. If she truly intends to hurt herself, she will. But people will often dangle that in front of their partner to stop them from leaving...it's a form of manipulation.

You didn't mention if you wanted to stay with your wife. Either way, I recommend telling her the truth and letting her decide whether or not she wants to stay. For me cheating (especially for a year) would be a deal breaker, but perhaps she'd be willing to try and work things out if you wanted to. Do you want to stay with your wife?

I wish you the best of luck in addressing this and hopefully you will learn something from this.

[Bill3]

What she is doing is emotional blackmail. In my opinion it would be worth your while to google that.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

Hello Otherworlder92, welcome to PC! I hope you find your time here to be of benefit.

This is a difficult situation to be in. It sounds like you want to break it off with this woman, so I definitely encourage you to do that. If she says she will harm herself you can always call 911 to report that, and they will force her into the hospital. There is not much you can do aside from that. If she truly intends to hurt herself, she will. But people will often dangle that in front of their partner to stop them from leaving...it's a form of manipulation.

You didn't mention if you wanted to stay with your wife. Either way, I recommend telling her the truth and letting her decide whether or not she wants to stay. For me cheating (especially for a year) would be a deal breaker, but perhaps she'd be willing to try and work things out if you wanted to. Do you want to stay with your wife?

I wish you the best of luck in addressing this and hopefully you will learn something from this.

Excellent advice.

[Crazy Hitch]

To be honest, I find it hard to give sympathy based on what you've written.

Nowhere have you indicated remorse.

You've stated that you want to break up with her because she doesn't have the same feelings for you.

You've not once stated that you're sorry you have cheated on your wife.

[Misssy2]

Yea, I would soul search and figure out why I started the affair in the first place.

Then if thru that discussion with myself I decided I really didn't love my partner and that is why...than it would only be fair to that person to let them go and even thou you may have insecurities about being alone it doesn't mean we can drag other people thru the mud. We have to learn how to stand up to ourselves and be a better human being.

So after the discussion with myself..If I decided I shouldn't be with my partner...than I wouldn't go throwing in her face that I had an affair..I would take the proper steps no matter how hard they would be to seperate from the marrige.

However, if the conversation with myself...went like...I shouldn't have done that and I really DO love my wife...than I would put a lot of effort into making the relationship better with your wife.

This other girl...all you have to do is ignore her texts....and phone calls..you are allowing drama to continue with her.

Is she threatening to tell your wife?

[Quarter life]

Regardless of whether a threat to self harm is genuine or not...In my view it is a kind of wish, and most definitely a cry for help, which should always be taken very seriously. I would encourage her to get some counselling, and maybe inform one of her friends or family members that she has been making threats to self harm. Coming clean about the whole situation with everyone involved (including your wife) I believe will go a long way toward starting the 'damage control' process.

Good Luck to you moving forward Otherworlder92, and welcome to P.C

[Otherworlder92]

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

Hello Otherworlder92, welcome to PC! I hope you find your time here to be of benefit.

This is a difficult situation to be in. It sounds like you want to break it off with this woman, so I definitely encourage you to do that. If she says she will harm herself you can always call 911 to report that, and they will force her into the hospital. There is not much you can do aside from that. If she truly intends to hurt herself, she will. But people will often dangle that in front of their partner to stop them from leaving...it's a form of manipulation.

You didn't mention if you wanted to stay with your wife. Either way, I recommend telling her the truth and letting her decide whether or not she wants to stay. For me cheating (especially for a year) would be a deal breaker, but perhaps she'd be willing to try and work things out if you wanted to. Do you want to stay with your wife?

I wish you the best of luck in addressing this and hopefully you will learn something from this.

First, I want to thank you for advice I think that I will use it. Second I'm not honestly sure if want to keep my marriage together because I honestly both hate and love my wife at the same time. Plus I honestly feel obligated to keep my marriage together for the sake of my six year old daughter.

[Otherworlder92]

Originally Posted by Bill3

What she is doing is emotional blackmail. In my opinion it would be worth your while to google that.

I will look that up.

[Otherworlder92]

Originally Posted by Misssy2

Yea, I would soul search and figure out why I started the affair in the first place.

Then if thru that discussion with myself I decided I really didn't love my partner and that is why...than it would only be fair to that person to let them go and even thou you may have insecurities about being alone it doesn't mean we can drag other people thru the mud. We have to learn how to stand up to ourselves and be a better human being.

So after the discussion with myself..If I decided I shouldn't be with my partner...than I wouldn't go throwing in her face that I had an affair..I would take the proper steps no matter how hard they would be to seperate from the marrige.

However, if the conversation with myself...went like...I shouldn't have done that and I really DO love my wife...than I would put a lot of effort into making the relationship better with your wife.

This other girl...all you have to do is ignore her texts....and phone calls..you are allowing drama to continue with her.

Is she threatening to tell your wife?

She isn't threatening to tell my wife but it wouldn't surprise me if she did that and I would ignore her phone calls and texts but then she would just confront in person instead.

[Otherworlder92]

Originally Posted by Quarter life

Regardless of whether a threat to self harm is genuine or not...In my view it is a kind of wish, and most definitely a cry for help, which should always be taken very seriously. I would encourage her to get some counselling, and maybe inform one of her friends or family members that she has been making threats to self harm. Coming clean about the whole situation with everyone involved (including your wife) I believe will go a long way toward starting the 'damage control' process.

Good Luck to you moving forward Otherworlder92, and welcome to P.C

Thank you for the advice I think that this will be very helpful.

[Otherworlder92]

Well here is a quick update on the situation. I told my wife about the affair and the current situation with the other woman and after a long discussion she decided it would be best that we separate for a while . I've told the other woman to stop calling and texting me and to get help for her issues.

[~Christina]

I am glad you opened up to your wife, hard to do I bet but it was the best thing for " her"

She also should be tested for STD's since you stepped outside of your marriage.

[Molinit]

Originally Posted by Otherworlder92

Well here is a quick update on the situation. I told my wife about the affair and the current situation with the other woman and after a long discussion she decided it would be best that we separate for a while . I've told the other woman to stop calling and texting me and to get help for her issues.

Good for her.