[PrettyDamnWeird]

Hey everyone, so sorry for making this so long but I don't know how to shorten it without losing info I feel as though that should be kept in this post, either way if you are able to read this and give a response I'd be very very happy to hear what you have to say

Giving some context to this I'm an 18yr old gay male who has never been in a relationship, I'm not here to vent about not ever having a bf or anything but I'm wondering about something else I've noticed.

So often being in a situation where the other person is straight, I've simply just tried to be good friends with them, where it just makes my life a little easier. I've noticed myself being attracted to various physical traits, however my question surrounds something else I think I'm attracted to. In every person I've ever really properly been into, one of them I would say I fell in love with, they have all experienced what most would call extremely traumatic experiences. One of them, lets call him Tim, was in an orchestra with me and halfway through my 2 years in the orchestra, his mother died.
Now that was heart-wrenching to hear and I was extremely saddened about it, but a week later I felt myself head-over-heels for him, I was so into him I
wanted nothing more than to spend every night and day with him, not sexually but purely just because I knew that anything I thought he might be feeling would be amplified to the absolute infinite with her death. I was already moderately attracted to him before I heard of it but after I heard of the tragedy I couldn't stop thinking about wanting to be with him.

The next person (lets call him Jack) I fell utterly in love with, and please I don't need the "oh it's just teenage love, it never lasts", not going to help in any way. Continuing on however I also was into him beforehand (also if it gives any context I was into Jack before I was into Tim) however I think the point in time when I truly started to have my heart throb for him was after he told me about everything he was having trouble with. He was riddled with
depression, anxiety, bi-polar, all sorts of mental issues. On more than 3 occasions he tried to kill himself, 2 times I apparently stopped him (by accident) when I would message him with jokes or a story or something. When I found all of this out I was in shock for so long, I knew he wasn't in a mentally perfect state but never did it cross my mind suicidal. Once again a few days later after I learnt of all this, all I could feel was compassion and a loathing of not being there for him at the present, all I wanted to do was be there, I wanted to be holding him, I wanted to be right next to him to feel his warmth.

I never really saw this all as something other than what billions of people have been feeling before me, however I felt myself almost completely bouncing my love off of their dismay, I never particularly felt as strong as I did about them until after I heard about their trauma. The tragedies in their lives seems to fuel my emotions from some minimal high-school crush to the only thing I could think of for days on end.

I've looked up various things about it but it's hard to find the key-words
to put into any search engine. Saviour syndrome being the closest I've got to in terms of likeliness but not quite hitting the nail on whatever I am experiencing.

Any help is very much appreciated, any questions I will gladly answer, I don't really know what I'm asking in the first place but I'm sure people have some kind of a response to something I am thinking

[Skeezyks]

Hello PDW: I'm afraid I'm not enough of a psychologist to suggest to you what you have going on here. Perhaps other PC members will be able to offer some insights. However I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

FWIW although I am much older than you, I felt similarly at your age. Rather than looking for a syndrome or clinical term to encompass what you feel, it is more about a common driver for many young people who feel great passion for a person or a cause or a career, which spurs them onto a caring profession, working overseas, doing voluntary work or otherwise trying to benefit society. Sometimes it focuses on individuals, but it is often their stories or events in their lives which makes you feel this way. Rather than try to repress this (although no obsession is totally healthy), rather try and revel in it, the things you learn about yourself and others, and harness the experience in a beneficial way. Blessings to you