[topherlee75]

Ok.

So without getting into too much detail, I have a question.

Why has it gotten to the point that a male who isn't pushy for sex something is wrong with him?

I am in a place where I want to date someone exclusively. I realize I have some mental health problems, and am working on them. Have bounced between therapists and know sooo much about where I am and a lot of what triggers me and can almost spell out a handbook on how to date me.

I am a cuddle freak. And yes, eventually is like to have sex but it's not important. I like to develop an emotional connection as well. But I get asked why I want to wait, so I have something? Am I gay? Is something wrong with them (just went thru the last one)

The other side is sometimes little things will set off my abandonment issues. I have no problem with letting someone know what's going on, taking about my feelings and what's in my head (I have been told I talk too much too).

I'm generally a very strong, assertive and proud person. I'll be the rock, foundation. But when I have my weak moments everyone runs.

Sometimes I need support too. Why has it gotten to the point it's either women who want completely supported, or some controlling witch. Lol.

And I'm stupid loyal. Almost doormat loyal.

Which tends to get me taken advantage of a lot.....

[topherlee75]

Oh god I sound like I'm whining.

[Trippin2.0]

You're not whining

[Sunflower123]

You don't sound like you're whining. You're just bringing up some challenges you are having in relationships. Keep trying. I would think loads of women would want a quality guy like you. It makes a nice break from those who want one night stands and never talk about their feelings. Good luck and best wishes.

[topherlee75]

When I do I get the look like "oh god, what do I do with this?"

I've realized being a straight male that is actually in touch with his feelings is a challenge, then add abandonment issues. Oh lord.

Needy talkative cuddly clingy sappy dude that can fix anything? Going once?

You sound like a sweet heart. The woman who loves you the way you are is the woman who deserves you. Those type of women exist, I promise.

[MickeyCheeky]

Don't give up! I'm sure you'll find the right women for you, one day.

[topherlee75]

It's difficult. I'm good till something comes up and I get that neglected feeling and try to explain. Then it all just seems to get weird because hey don't t want to deal with it.

[Entity06]

For what it's worth, sensitivity, vulnerability, being in touch with and interested in emotions, admitting to having emotional needs and needs to be supported too, that's what I look for men and I can't think of having a relationship with one who doesn't have those qualities.

So I think when it comes to this ,at least, you're a great catch and you should definitely not be ashamed or insecure about these things.

[topherlee75]

Originally Posted by Entity06

For what it's worth, sensitivity, vulnerability, being in touch with and interested in emotions, admitting to having emotional needs and needs to be supported too, that's what I look for men and I can't think of having a relationship with one who doesn't have those qualities.

So I think when it comes to this ,at least, you're a great catch and you should definitely not be ashamed or insecure about these things.

Thank you for that. It's weeding out the ones that look for it for healthy reasons

[topherlee75]

Ok. So after a lot of thought on this.

I seem to have a pattern of destroying relationships. Especially when people are good to me. I get to a place where I am uncomfortable and want to talk about things, that is always where the breakdown starts.

I overthink everything.

[Bill3]

Especially when people are good to me. I get to a place where I am uncomfortable and want to talk about things, that is always where the breakdown starts.

It sounds like intimacy makes you uncomfortable, anxious.

[topherlee75]

It does. I don't know how to react. Always afraid I'm going to do something wrong, or if something bad happens I over analyze it trying to find what I did wrong and try to fix it.

I want it. Bad. But it's hard.

[Bill3]

You both want intimacy and don't want intimacy.

It feels inviting and necessary but also terrifying.

Did any therapist(s) ever speak with you about attachment issues that you may have experienced in childhood?

[topherlee75]

No, but I am figuring out I have a lot of issues with neglect and abandonment, possibly attachment issues.

Now I just gotta find a new therapist and figure out how to pay for that.

[Bill3]

Now I just gotta find a new therapist and figure out how to pay for that.

I think that is a really good plan.

[topherlee75]

Yeah. I hate therapy. 80+ an hour to hear "you sound like you are doing the right things". Oh right. I may be too far gone. Heard that once too.

[Bill3]

You are not too far gone.

In my opinion, a good therapist for you will have experience working with people who are dealing with issues of attachment, intimacy, and abandonment. If they have such experience, and if they are good therapists, they won't say such things as you quoted. Instead, they will help you talk about and explore and better understand whatever happened in your background that has given rise to the difficulties you are facing. When you have a better understanding of what went wrong, it will (in my opinion) become easier to deal with and accept intimacy and attachment from others.