I have this good acquaintance who is constantly complaining of having no money - and it leaves me insulted. She lives on a multi-million dollar country estate. She is always talking about having no money and then shows off her latest acquisition. It seems the problem isn't that she has to 'do without' it is that she can't have the more expensive choice. Today she is down because she couldn't get the really expensive set of golf clubs she feels she should have. Instead she must make do with something less (yet still alarmingly pricey).

She knows I eke by on assistance. Why would she say these things to me? This happens all the time.

I know the answer is simple. But I can't walk away from this friendship as I rely upon her to get me out each week when I otherwise wouldn't.

[treevoice]

I can totally understand why that would be frustrating and insulting for you to hear. The sad truth is, most people have a hard time stepping out of their own existence to see the bigger picture. We all approach life from the perspective we have been given. In her case, she likely hasn't had to struggle the way you have. She's likely been brought up or learned to believe that certain things are supposed to happen for her, and it creates cognitive dissonance for her when she is unable to live the life she thinks she's supposed to have. There are times in life where we can walk away from those relationships that make us uncomfortable, but if that's not the case here, then maybe there is a way for you to gently guide her to understanding that there are people in her life who don't have what she has, and that gratitude is a far more attractive quality than selfishness. Sometimes all you need to do to do that is by acting grateful for what little you do have, and showing her what it looks like to be a humble and gracious person.

[MickeyCheeky]

Yeah, I think she just doesn't realize living outside of her environment (not living in wealth, ecc.). Sorry you have to put up with this.

[Sunflower123]

I second treevoice's opinion. Best wishes.

She sounds discontent and unhappy - much as you are finding her attitude annoying maybe you can feel a little sorry for her. It can't be nice feeling permanently discontent.

You could always share this with her:

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I have this good acquaintance who is constantly complaining of having no money - and it leaves me insulted. She lives on a multi-million dollar country estate. She is always talking about having no money and then shows off her latest acquisition. It seems the problem isn't that she has to 'do without' it is that she can't have the more expensive choice. Today she is down because she couldn't get the really expensive set of golf clubs she feels she should have. Instead she must make do with something less (yet still alarmingly pricey).

She knows I eke by on assistance. Why would she say these things to me? This happens all the time.

I know the answer is simple. But I can't walk away from this friendship as I rely upon her to get me out each week when I otherwise wouldn't.

I totally understand your frustration. From what you wrote, it sounds like your friend thinks she can get what she wants whenever she wants and entitled to do so. I would suggest either say something to her about her behavior or ignore her, and if worse comes to worse, put some distance between you guys if you don't want to cut her completely out.

Thanks for some really great insight and advice. I have been trying to think of a way to demonstrate my own reality.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by treevoice

...maybe there is a way for you to gently guide her to understanding that there are people in her life who don't have what she has, and that gratitude is a far more attractive quality than selfishness...

Her actions are actually self-centered rather than selfish since what she has is already hers. But in any case, yes, you might be able to help her see that, and I think I would try a little reverse psychology or whatever. The next time she begins whining about something like having to drive a Cadillac rather than a Rolls-Royce, jump right in with a "whine" of your own...

"Oh yes, my dear, I totally understand! Why, the other day at the market I had to settle for (whatever) when I so desperately wanted (something else)..."

Never mention her or anything she has talked about, just give her some live illustrations of the silliness she often conveys and then wait for her light to come on.