[Lizza468]

Hi. So this is a long explanation.
I had childhood friends, friends I had been with since like fourth grade or so. There were two girls that I really loved, and one girl that I did like but I really only became friends with her so I could become popular. We ended up staying friends for a really long time though. I did have another childhood best friend since like kindergarten but I ditched her for the popular girl. It's so weird to me that I did that, like how does that make any sense? I deprived myself from my best friend and I probably would be friends with her to this day. So I was friends with these three girls and pretty much was in middle school and most of high school. I did branch out and make other friends but these girls were my day ones and we stuck together. We became like a pack in high school and were ALWAYS together. In the summer we were 24/7 and would go on vacation together. We hung out every weekend during the school year. We had a group chat we always talked in. We were popular and drank like every weekend too not that that really makes a difference. I thought we were so close knit, and I thought we always would have each other's back. We were all about partying and being lively but at the end of the day we meant more to each other than that. I thought our friendships went beyond that and we were actually important to each other. Junior year I met a boy at work and we started dating. They didn't know him, so it was kind of weird. He wasn't part of the same friend group at his school and I don't think they liked him. First of all I shouldn't have ever dated him, he was so bad for me and I think they knew that. They were probably like what is she doing? Yeah he was terrible and he started making me depressed. He didn't communicate at all which was so opposite of me so I started repressing my feelings and it was just a really bad relationship. So somewhere along the lines bunch of people made a new group chat without me and also my best friend from our original group wasn't in the group chat either. Somehow she got in the group chat though and kind of started ignoring me. Like, I thought she would always be there for me. But instead she started acting like we weren't friends and not even caring AT ALL. Like she just went along with the group. She said it wasn't her place to invite me. Like what is that? Does she know how hurtful that is? She like didn't have time for me. They all just started hanging out and stuff and even if I asked people about it they wouldn't add me into the group chat. So I just watched it all happen and this is when I really really got anxiety and continuously got more depressed. Like, they caused me to get anxiety and depression basically. Do they know how mean they are???? Nobody asked me how I was or texted me. I did have other friends but they knew they were my day ones. Like I thought they KNEW me. I was so nice how could they do that to me. I thought they CARED. I guess they didn't. So one time I did get invited to a party, BECAUSE I ASKED, and when we were there my best friend started crying and was like "why did we ever stop hanging out with you" like she was crying pretty hard. And all I could say was "idk." Like they were stupid. Like in my head I was like you should have ****ing thought about that before you gave me all this anxiety. Like you don't do that to a person. So yeah I continued trying to hold onto these friendships that obviously weren't there and eventually gave up. See this is where I think I go wrong because why would I give up on my childhood best friends... I'm really confused. Like I don't think I was really thinking when all of this was going on. I was still dating that boy and he just got worse and worse for me throughout the whole thing. It was a MESS. I did say some rude things to my friends at one point.... and tried to find a new friend group.
So yeah now we're graduated and haven't hung out since I gave up on everything. I gave up because I was hurt and didn't know how to go on with them. I lost interest in drinking, maybe because I was depressed, but drinking wasn't helping me. I was sick of being the odd one out and them sharing all their inside jokes and me not knowing what they were talking about at all. I was just like I'm not going to sit here and take this. So that's what caused me to change.
What does everyone think about this. Did I do the right thing? I'm not sure. I still don't get it.
Thank you.

[Sunflower123]

I see this is your first post so welcome to PC!!! Friendships grow and change over time or they wither and die over time. I guess the question you need to ask yourself is if you really want this old group of friends. They've been acting in a very juvenile manner by leaving you out. Can you go out with them one on one? You could start rebuilding that way. It sounds like you've started out growing them though. Can you keep them as friends on a casual basis and start looking for new friends? Good luck and I wish you the best.