[Stars_inthesky36]

So the other day my bf was speaking to his ex (now best friend ), but I HAVE A WEIRD issue with ex's including people's ex's,and he invited her over to sleepover. The thing is I don't like her,and not just because she's an ex. She said she was busy,so maybe that was a sign from the angels HALLELUJA !!,but basically I initially found it weird that he invited her for a sleepover. Trust me I've tried so hard to like her,but it never worked. I eventually cried it out, as it was all getting to me (partly because of the nightmare that I had where I saw my bf and his ex gf making out .. which still scars me until now,eventhough it was only a dream) ,then I WAS JUST LIKE WHATEVER (sorry for the caps lock i'm not angry lol),just so long as they don't do stuff ,and initially I wanted to go out and make plans,but why should i be the one to leave??!! Nah bruh if she does stay round I don't have to be around her at all. I could be doing my own thing in another room. I still find it weird, but not that bothered at the same time. Is it normal to feel weirded out by this??

For me personally a partner wanting to have a sleepover with their ex would not be acceptable for me. I would feel too uncomfortable about it and I imagine I'm not the only person who would feel that way.

[Sunflower123]

I agree with scaredandconfused. I wouldn't be ok with that either.

[MickeyCheeky]

I wouldn't agree either, to be honest.. it doesnt't seem appropriate.

[eyesclosed]

I can' say this any other way YOUR BF IS A JERK. He has to see the pain it brings you. You are normal he is not. He is selfish you can't have it both ways. I went out of my mind trying to understand how my ex-wife expected to be able to have two families your divorced. He probably has kids with her so there is going to be communication between them. A sleep over is way out of line. Don't torture yourself. You are very normal.

[NeedHaldol]

Seriously...

Your boyfriend should not even be talking with his ex, let alone the fact he wants her for a "sleepover". Those days ended long ago when we were kids.

They are broken up for a reason. If he couldn't be bothered to break ties with her and respect you as a partner as you alone, you need to ditch that guy.

Don't let him trample all over your self esteem.

[Stars_inthesky36]

I don't think he's a jerk. Some people stay friends with their ex whilst other people don't. I think I'll just tell him that I'm uncomfortable with the idea. But since she said that she is busy maybe it won't happen??

[Stars_inthesky36]

So this is what I messaged him, it's polite to the point but not rude in any way :Hey I am uncomfortable with the idea of your ex possibly coming round and having a sleepover. I know it's your house and all that but I don't think its appropriate. I completely get that you have friends who are ex's and I'd never stop you from talking to anyone. It's not my right to do so and it would make me feel bad as a person. I'd be totally cool if Stacie from work came over, cuz that would be really awesome. I hope you understand. ��

[Stars_inthesky36]

Also when I was crying he did hug me but then he walked off whilst I was speaking.indont think he realised that I was still speaking but I've messaged him now and I'm being upfront. I hope that he understands. Let's see what he says...

[Stars_inthesky36]

Oh fudge he's seen it.������������

[metalchick]

Yeah that's not cool. I get that they want to be friends, but that crosses the line.

[Stars_inthesky36]

Exactly I totoally agree. Well he's home now and hasn't mentioned a thing so not sure what that means. I think I'll leave it as I've made my post clear but if he goes and invites her and she comes round I'll have a words with him. ( not in a harsh way more like: what the heck??��) ��. Mind you though I can't keep a stroppy face for long.

[Stars_inthesky36]

*message

[TheDragon]

Do you mind if I ask how old you and your BF are? Sleepovers are kinda....odd in general for adults.

[Crazy Hitch]

What on earth was he thinking inviting her over for a sleepover!?!?

No current girlfriend in this world should put up with that.

I would like to state this LOUD AND CLEAR:

NO. NO. NO.

And, for the record, it's perfectly fine that she's NOT his best friend or his friend or even his acquaintance....He can look elsewhere for a friend!!!

Jeesh...

(Sorry. I get kind of incensed at how 'open and accepting' we're all supposed to be. You know what? NOPE. HELL NO. We don't have to be like that....Perhaps this is a thing I'm too opinionated on, tbh. It just rubs me the wrong way.)

[Stars_inthesky36]

Originally Posted by TheDragon

Do you mind if I ask how old you and your BF are? Sleepovers are kinda....odd in general for adults.

We are both in our 20's lol he's older though.

[Stars_inthesky36]

Glad to know that I'm not the only one who actually disagrees with this. Ugh it hasn't been mentioned since I told him that I wasn't comfortable. What does that mean??�� Ex's are a weird subject as it is.

[Stars_inthesky36]

Oh told him that I asked the question on here. He was pretty pissed �� he said that I'm trying to set him up to fail and that I can't stop him if he decides to
Bring an ex over and not sure I said this in my head but I must have thought something along the lines of: well no but if u do anything with her then you would have ruined a good relationship. He said I keep using the past. Nope not really just don't like ex's or trust them period. I just needed to vent but thank goodness I am going to see a sort of councillor and I'll talk to her about this.

[Erebos]

Dunno man, I am friends with ALL but one of my ex's. I am even friends with some of my ex's ex's.

one of my best friend is an ex, ex1. Another, ex2, is God father to my children They are both in my life pretty much daily.
We are ex because it didn't work, there was nothing compatible over the long term. Any initial attraction fizzled out months after we got together. That was 12 + years ago.
Now it feels like a sibling relationship..the thought of being intimate with him creeps me out, but I am comfortable enough in his company to share a bed if there isn't any space on a visit., as I do when we visit my brother.
It's difficult to explain unless you have experienced it, how your feelings and emotions can shift.

Now, years on I have another relationship, and he has been great. Although he has no experience of it, and a terrible track record with his ex's.
For him it comes down to trust, he has absolute faith in me. He knows I adore him. And believes that there is nothing between me and my friend.
He has hung out with us enough to see us together and how we interact .
He does however dislike r ex2 (godfather), but that is down to ex2 being a **** when I first met my fella.

In this instance, not accepting my friends would be a deal breaker though, I would never ditch a friend for a partner, if the friendship was established first.
Unless of course there were obvious signs of sabotaging my relationship. But that is a different topic.

It definitely needs talked about, to figure out where both sets of boundaries lie, and wether a compromise can be reached.

Best of luck, really hope things work out for you.

[Erebos]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

What on earth was he thinking inviting her over for a sleepover!?!?

No current girlfriend in this world should put up with that.

Would do, have done.
Really doesn't concern me.

I was friends with only one of my ex's. for a long time. Everyone has different boundaries and feelings about significant others and exes coming around. OP, if you are not comfortable with it, that is ok, and it's ok to be honest about it with your SO, too.

[Stars_inthesky36]

Well apparently this ex is pregnant and with his bf enrich was never explained to me in the first place. Don't get me wrong I trust my man. When u think of slpeepimg over you think of two people cuddling and that's what rubbed me the wrong way. Then my mind escalated after that. I feel much more relaxed now but my
Bf should have explained this to me. The way I see it now is that ex are like siblings that's all.

[Stars_inthesky36]

* her bf

[metalchick]

Sound like he is testing the waters...to see how you react...why would he nonchalantly tell you that she is sleeping over and leave out two important details. Watch out for a person like this...he could wind up being a manipulator.