I'm going on a date tonight. It's the guy who seemed/seems uninterested. We have been doing this weird dance. I alternate from thinking he's not interested, feeling hurt that he is not timely in responding to messages (like, a week went by once. and last night, he never responded to my message to him. It wasn't a question to answer. but we were having a conversation, I thought. maybe he was busy, or tired, it was late. I don't ****ing know. LOL) to, we're going on a date. I finally told him the other day, I'd assumed he was a player. He said he has been on 2 dates in 6 months, and that he is a workaholic. ?? I don't know what to think. But I'm meeting him for the first time tonight, and I'm excited, and nervous.

While I don't like the effect dating has on me, usually the more I like someone, the more nervous I am. I don't know why I like this dude so much. Maybe the way he treated me (indifferent, in my opinion) had like an unconscious affect on me, and now I like him. I don't know. At the same time, he he's not what it seems to me like ignoring me, he seems really happy and excited to talk to me. One thing he said though, is that he likes to be wittier than the person he's talking to, and the other night, I was "wittier than him" so he didn't know what to say in response, like he was thinking of a response. It was weird. LOL. But he also called me sexy, which I loved.

The weird dance: last weekend, I messaged him, and he messaged back, but I just got a weird feeling like, because he wasn't messaging me back, and i didn't like it. So I finally said "forget it. this doesn't feel right." and he said sorry if he was rude, but didn't elaborate, and then wished me the best. Then 2 nights ago, i "liked" him on the dating site I'm on, and he messaged me. That was when I told him I'd thought he was a player, and he said he is not, and then we made the plans for a date.

There is a book called "Mars and Venus on a Date." I want to read it. I don't know if I'm just overly insecure, or if he has poor dating etiquette, or both. Or if I'm just reading into things. I think I just like this guy, and he seems uber relaxed, uber go with the flow, and maybe I'm reading into things. We're going on a date tonight, and I'm just really nervous. I'm excited too. This could be fun.

I wish I wasn't so insecure I do NOT like the way I'm feeling. I know I could get out of the date, but I don't want to, even though, it would make me feel better. I want to be able to DEAL with my emotions. and not run away from them.

I'd really like a male's perspective on this. Woman's is fine, too. I do think...there's a lot of stuff I just DON'T KNOW about this guy. And so my mind is making up stories. But I still don't like the way I feel. We are going to a museum I'm familiar with. So, at least there will be cool art there. And familiarity.

I should really stop thinking. I'm thinking a lot. lol.

I think just...the not knowing. Of everything. Is really scary to me. I don't know how I'll be tonight. I don't know if I'll be comfortable enough. I don't know if it will be fun. I kind of think it will be, though.

[Guiness187055]

I think your over thinking this. Enjoy your date this evening if there is a connection you will know. If not move on to the next one. Have fun that's what dating is all about.

[Sunflower123]

I hope you enjoy your date.

For what it's worth. On my 2nd date with H we went to the movies. For some reason, I grabbed his hand at the very beginning of the date while we were standing in line to get in. It just felt natural and right to grab it. He told me years later that when I grabbed his hand it really moved him (increased how attracted he was to me). I did not know I had that effect when I did that but touch is a very powerful thing. Before we dated, we talked on the phone a few times (strictly work related) and he has said that he found my voice extremely attractive from day one.
Studies show that men find it very attractive when women signal that they like them/are available. I have been putting more scrapbooks together and found this note to H:
I hope your week is going great! Mine is because I keep thinking about the past weekend.............and that you're at least as half crazy about me as I am about you!
So, if you like him---tell him!!!
PS --I wrote that note to him after we had been dating for 3 months--4 months later, we were secretly
(our families did not know) married.

[Sarmas]

A museum sounds like a great date. I would go and give it a try. You might be missing out on something great. I know the dating game can be frustrating at times but sometimes you should take the risk. If at anytime you want to leave then you have that option to. You're not locked in. You have choices and the option to do whatever you want. If things don't work out then you can end it early.

[Ineedahug]

Hi.

It sounds like you're just getting to know this person. I dont know where you both met, but I can understand feeling nervous about liking someone. I feel that way, too. My best advice would be to be honest and sincere when you're with him. It's okay to be a little excited before a date, but I do think it's kinda weird this guy likes to be "witter" than the person he's with. Sometimes being witty and silly or sly all the time can be cool, but I'd try and make an effort to get to know this person. Don't be afraid to take your time in a relationship, and if you really do get the feeling he's a player -- and a quick hook-up is not what you want --back out and be honest with him.

[Sunflower123]

How did everything work out?

Um, we had a Really good time. Like, I really enjoyed myself. So did he. There were some moments, where I was uncomfortable and had social anxiety, and he is way more outgoing than me, lol, and also didn't seem to notice it, or know how to make me more comfortable. But it was fun. It helped that we made out at the end of the night.

[Crazy Hitch]

Glad it all turned out well!

[Erebos]

Glad it turned out well.
But if he brings up sex in the first 3 weeks, don't do it.
If he is serious he won't mention it again until you invite him.
If he suggests staying over for the weekend in the next 3-5 days..run for the hills.
Good luck.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by Erebos

Glad it turned out well.

Me too! Very much so.

Originally Posted by Erebos

But if he brings up sex in the first 3 weeks, don't do it.

Actually, I think this is probably very good advice for starrysky personally, but I don't think this is universal by any means. Perhaps we are in agreement and you were tailoring your advice to her. In the event that you were not though, and speaking in a more general sense, I want to say something about this.

I have been with women who thought we should have sex the very first night. My wife and I went years without having sex. Different strokes for different folks. Some place a high premium on sex, others don't. Wanting sex within three weeks is not a black mark against a person imo. Too, if they go out on a date a week - this is very different from arriving at the 'I want to have sex with you position' after three to four dates a week for three weeks.

Originally Posted by Erebos

If he is serious he won't mention it again until you invite him.

Mixed feelings on this one. A woman telling me she is not ready for sex after a week or two is within my limits. In other words, if I want to have sex with a woman I am dating and after two or three weeks she tells me that she is not ready, then if I am serious about her after two or three months and she still hasn't broached the subject and indicates that she is ready, I think it is reasonable to mention it again.

It's like my boss telling me that the company just isn't in a position to give me a raise at this time. If my boss hasn't given me a raise six months later then re-visiting the issue of me getting a raise at that time is completely reasonable in my opinion. It may be that I enjoy the job sufficiently to wait for a bit more after our first encounter but if he is not ready to give me my raise six months later, I may consider moving on.

Originally Posted by Erebos

If he suggests staying over for the weekend in the next 3-5 days..run for the hills.
Good luck.

Again, I think this is good personal advice for starrysky - but I have had sex with a woman I am dating (and stayed the weekend with her or vice versa) very early on in a relationship and it was mutually desired and beneficial. I don't doubt that starrysky would not find that welcome, so I tend to agree with you here for her specifically, but not universally for all people.

It didn't work out. He's seeing other women. Thanks for the support though everyone.

[Erebos]

Sorry hun, still you don't know until you try. And hey you had a fun time out.
Sometimes that's all you get.
In my response to yagr, theyr are not my standard rules for dating.
But they are absolutely my rules for online dating, for very specific reasons.
Men and women view online dating very, very differently, neither is wrong it's just a totally different perspective.

Guys view it more like a take away menu, you don't know If your really going to like it til you try it. They rarely assume that what is on the profile is what they are gonna get, and often they aren't that bothered.

From y experience women on the other hand pick apart these profiles like they are a given, and even a reply seems to count as some sort of agreement things coulda progress. They also seem to think that knowledge someone for 3 weeks on line counts toward knowing them in real life.
As I said neither is wrong, it's just a very basic mis communication.

Real life dating is different, if your spending real time face to face its easier to get a read on someone.
Have I slept with people on a first date, absolutely.
Have I ever slept with someone I didn't know in real life...never.
And I have also never been dumped after sex.
I don't think this is a coincidence.

I am never judgmental in these things, me and my current partner has the weirdest start to our relationship. Couldn't have been further from conventional.

But I have seen many food role get hurt, when a little common sense would have gone along way.
All the best to th OP.
His lost hun, not yours.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by starrysky

It didn't work out. He's seeing other women. Thanks for the support though everyone.

I'm sorry that it didn't work out. While you are entitled to, and I support your right to place any deal breakers into prospective relationships you wish - why is dating someone else a deal breaker ... well, I was about to say "this early into a relationship" but it isn't even a relationship yet so I'm not sure what to call it. Perhaps 'exploration'?

I am not judging you in the least, please believe that, but I am curious.

[yagr]

Erebos: Thanks for taking the time to clear that up for me - great explanation!